I am 21 years old this year, working as a financial accountant in a company. In life, I am an ambitious girl. After graduating from high school, I left my hometown alone and went out to work. With the perseverance of diligent learning and asking questions, I quickly transformed from a worker on the assembly line into an office clerk in the company. Later, after passing the self-study examination, I have been engaged in financial work in this company ever since.
In my hometown, classmates of my age already have boyfriends. Therefore, my sister introduced me to someone, who is their neighbor. The boy is currently serving in the army as a non-commissioned officer, and he will need at least two years before he can be discharged.
After we met, we would talk on the phone every night, chatting for one or two hours each time. He told me that he was actually against this method of introduction. He always felt strange with an intermediary involved. He has always wanted to find a girl he's truly smitten with through his own efforts. However, after meeting me, he realized that there was indeed a special feeling of attraction.
After we chatted for a month, I took leave and visited him at his military base. Because he had told his comrades and superiors that we had been dating for some time. So when I arrived at the base, his younger comrades called me "Sister-in-law." Among them, there was a close comrade of his who knew everything about us; they were best friends. On the first evening I arrived, his buddy asked him in front of me, "Are you staying here tonight?" I shyly smiled without answering.
However, after his friend left, he didn't show any intention of leaving either. I asked him whether he thought it was better to stay or go back to where I was staying (I was staying in the officers' apartment within the military base). Family members usually stayed there when they came to visit. He said it was better to stay, so I agreed and said, "Then let's stay." We ended up sleeping in the same bed, but he didn't dare to get close to me. It was me who initiated hugging him, though we did not engage in sexual relations, and he didn't bring it up either.
Later, when my vacation was almost over, he proposed wanting to have sexual relations in the last few nights before I left. But I refused, and he agreed. Nevertheless, he said he felt uncomfortable, and I insisted that no matter how uncomfortable he felt, there was nothing that could be done about it. He didn't say anything else and just hugged me tightly.
No one knew about my visit to see him, neither his family nor my sister. However, after I returned, I felt a kind of inexplicable sense of loss inside. I felt that he wasn't the type of man I really wanted to find. To be honest, until now, I can't say whether I like him or dislike him. It feels rather plain.
During our phone calls, when I talked to him about the future, such as after his discharge, marriage, and things like that, he always avoided discussing these topics too much, saying that talking about these things made him feel annoyed, and he didn't want to think too much about them. He always said that he hadn't grown up yet and didn't want to get married too early. I clearly told him that I must get married in two years. Regardless of whether he would be discharged by then or not, I would still get married, and I would wait for him for a maximum of two years. He didn't give a direct answer.
I don't know if I should wait for him for two years, and I'm even more unsure if he really likes me. However, he does call me more often, and I also call him sometimes. Actually, I don't feel love between us because all our communication is via phone, which seems to lack substantial meaning. Sometimes he complains about this situation. Moreover, he doesn't have any other skills while serving in the army. I'm afraid that after he is discharged, he might only be able to find a job as a security guard, which is something I don't want to see.
During this period, I encouraged him to learn CAD design, but he said he wasn't interested in it. I heard that he was taking a course in business management! I think that pursuing this degree isn't as useful as learning something practical. One of my high school classmates is studying business management in college, but I feel he hasn't learned much. In short, every time I think about him becoming a security guard after discharge, I feel very uneasy. I don't know if my current mindset is correct, and I'm even more uncertain about whether there will be a result with him. Please give me some advice...
Dear friend, nowadays, many girls put a man's personal ability in the forefront when seeking a suitable partner. This is because capable men are highly sought after today. They can use their intelligence and wisdom to create a colorful sky for women. Women can comfortably lean on their arms and peacefully become the enviable little women they want to be. In life, they don’t have to bow down for material gains or worry about daily necessities like firewood, rice, oil, and salt.
However, personally, I believe that although a man’s ability is an important aspect in love and marriage, this condition cannot fully satisfy the essence of a happy marriage and perfect love. That is to say, there may be many excellent men in the world, but they aren't necessarily the ones most suited for you, who can truly give you lifelong happiness. If a woman wants to find the most anticipated man in her life, she must understand and realize that the most crucial thing is whether the two people truly have feelings, love, and heart-touching emotions for each other. A man particularly suited for oneself.
Actually, love and marriage contain many elements. Some feelings and experiences of happiness cannot be replaced simply by having a particularly affluent life or an envious status. A happy couple sharing hardships together definitely includes tolerance, responsibility, obligation, and the determination and courage to wholeheartedly dedicate themselves to their loved ones. Therefore, judging a man solely based on his ability is insufficient, in my opinion.
You have only been dating your boyfriend for a month. Although you've had some intimate interactions, it's too early to rush into discussions about marriage. From your email, it is evident that your boyfriend cares about you quite a bit. I suggest you not jump to conclusions too soon. Spend more time getting to know each other, observe more, and make a decision later.
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