The Greatest Figures of the Three Kingdoms!

by ufo on 2008-10-31 17:47:50

The most friendly person: Jiang Gan, who helped his friend Zhou Yu and also managed not to make Zhou Yu feel grateful.

The least friendly person: Liu Bei, whose friend Zhao Yun risked his life to save his son A Dou, but Liu Bei didn't cherish it and threw him away instead.

The best writer: Zhuge Liang, who failed in six northern expeditions but left two memorials. His writing skills were obviously higher than his military skills.

The most internet-spirited person: Mi Heng, who scolded everyone he met.

The person with the best long-term stockholder quality: Lao Qiao, who married both of his daughters to capable people, and his money was enough for a lifetime.

The person with the most progress: Zhao Yun, who could only escape with a child at Changbanpo, but by the time Jieting was lost, he could escape with a group of people.

The person with the strongest spirit of hard entrepreneurship: Liu Bei, who had money to recruit soldiers and buy horses, but didn't want to buy a hat and wove it himself.

The person with the least professional dedication: Wei Yan, who jumped jobs several times, belonging to the type of doing one job and hating it, and the last job jump led to permanent unemployment.

The person who talks the most: Zhang Fei, whose strong noise pollution made even the river water flow upward to avoid it.

The child who best meets parental requirements: Cao Cao, whose adult expectations were "a cunning hero in chaotic times, a capable minister in peaceful times," and he completely achieved them.

The most snobbish person: Sun Quan, who didn't care about the basic principle of age-appropriate marriage, and married his sister to the rich and powerful old man Liu Bei. The reason was that although Liu Bei was old, he was a hero under heaven.

The person who changed careers the most: Liu Bei, whose subsequent occupations included: A. Grass weaving (weaving mats and selling shoes); B. Vegetable planting; C. Textile industry (weaving hats); D. Emperor.

The person who can kill acquaintances the most: Also Liu Bei, who couldn't take over Cao Cao or Sun Quan's territory, but took advantage of the trust between relatives to seize Liu Zhang's territory.

The person who loves girlfriends (or wives) the most: Sima Yi, who, during the battle with Zhuge Liang, still managed to collect high-end women's fashion for his girlfriend (or wife) from Zhuge Liang.

The earliest self-proclaimed hero: Cao Cao, whose face wasn't thick enough to boast alone, but at least pulled Liu Bei as co-first place.

The person who is best at grabbing scapegoats: Xu Shu, who feared that Liu Bei's defeat would involve him, immediately recommended Kong Ming, and then went to the enemy side pretending to be filial to find his mother.

The person who is least lustful: Zhuge Liang, who chose an ugly woman to marry.

The person with the least education: Zhou Yu, who couldn't appreciate Cao Zijian's articles and instead thought that he wanted to take what he loved.

The person with the least environmental awareness: Zhuge Liang, who set fire without hesitation, causing air pollution and suffering for plants and animals.

The person with the least respect for the law: Guan Yu, who crossed five passes and should have paid road maintenance fees.

The person with the worst psychological quality: Wang Lang, who died after being scolded a few times, failing the psychological quality test.

The person who exaggerates production the most: Cao Cao, who claimed a million troops when there were clearly only sixty thousand. However, this public figure was still commendable, as he didn't falsely claim that he only brought 160,000 troops after being burned like a gray rat at Chibi.

Reprinted from: Laughing at the Three Kingdoms

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