The Ten Most Hurtful Sentences to Children: A Reminder for Parents to Speak Carefully
These ten sentences remind parents to be cautious with their words, as they can deeply hurt a child's heart and potentially damage their future. It also advises parents on what they should say and how they should positively, proactively, healthily, and brightly review, affirm, praise, and encourage their children.
[First Sentence] "Stupid, you're useless."
Tell your child: You are not stupid. Who labeled you as "stupid"? If you don't want your child to become a "fool," appreciate them in daily life. Give them a thumbs up. A simple sentence can change a child's life.
[Second Sentence] "Shut up! Why don't you listen?"
Is being "obedient" really good? Don't always demand blind obedience from your child. Give them the right to argue and raise independent-minded children. Learn to speak with your child. When your child talks back, silence can be more impactful.
[Third Sentence] "If I say no, it means no."
Don't wield authority with phrases like "Because I am your father." The result of authoritarianism is fear, not respect. Respect your child's choices and learn to discuss things with them. Listen to their suggestions.
[Fourth Sentence] "I won't bother with you anymore; do whatever you want."
Don't make empty threats or impose your will on your child. Avoid excessive preaching. Respect is the best method. When criticizing your child, be careful not to hurt them. Be tolerant of their "idleness" and don't force them to do things they temporarily dislike.
[Fifth Sentence] "If you score 100, I'll buy you..."
Does material reward stimulate better learning? Set goals that are achievable with effort. How to help children effectively? Let them know why they are loved. Let them understand that studying is their own responsibility. Don't overly focus on grades.
[Sixth Sentence] "You're really something, doing such a thing!"
Be a counselor, not a commander. Early romance isn't necessarily disastrous. Don't label them as "thieves." Accept their mistakes and consider why they acted this way. Don't fear scolding.
[Seventh Sentence] "You made another mistake, so stupid!"
Allow children to make "mistakes." After failure, affirmation is crucial. What message are you sending to your child? Saving a soul is more effective than punishing. Educate through guidance rather than suppression. Encourage them to do one thing well each day.
[Eighth Sentence] "You're destined to be nothing, just picking trash in the future!"
Set realistic expectations. Never tell your child, "You can't do it." Be confident parents. Children need appreciation and affirmation. Give them a chance to practice. Eliminate shadows of inferiority in their hearts.
[Ninth Sentence] "All kids are the same, why aren't you as good as others?"
Education shouldn't follow a single pattern; tailor it to individual needs. Children are not blank slates to be randomly painted upon. Don't let them develop learned helplessness. Tell them: success doesn't depend on role size. The key to becoming excellent lies in letting them compete with themselves and grow at their own pace.
[Tenth Sentence] "You only know how to play; you lose energy when it comes to studying."
What educational methods do children prefer? Help them channel their playful spirit into studies. Allow them to study in a balanced environment. Let them play video games appropriately. Don't deprive them of their right to play. Playing can build their self-confidence.
Four aspects that today's children lack most:
1. Lack of a joyful childhood;
2. Lack of spiritual culture;
3. Lack of family communication;
4. Lack of a sense of accomplishment.
Five pieces of advice for parents:
1. Growth is more important than success;
2. Experience is more important than rankings;
3. Giving is more important than receiving;
4. Dialogue is more important than confrontation;
5. Encouragement is more important than blame.
*1. Growth is more important than success
—Children who can accept failure are the most successful.
Today's parents often do everything for their children, believing their sole task is studying. In summer camps I organized, a young child stared at a boiled egg, saying, "I want to eat it!" "Then why don't you?" "This egg looks different from ours!" "How does yours look?" "Ours are white and hard, but this one is too hard to bite!" Later, I learned that the child had never seen anyone boil or peel an egg before, as they were always pre-cut into quarters for him. So, don't pre-assume problems but focus on the growth process. Walk the path underfoot. Children who can accept failure are the most successful!
*2. Experience is more important than rankings
—Overprotection makes children incapable.
Nowadays, people say children have poor psychological resilience because parents don't give them opportunities to exercise, face failure, or adversity. "Fear of boys going bad, girls getting harmed," yet unforeseen dangers occur daily. Excessive protection leads to incapability. Forgive your child and let home be their final harbor. Understand them and provide warmth and security. When they hesitate or feel hopeless, guide them instead of blocking their way.
*3. Giving is more important than receiving
—Give your child a chance to love you.
Only giving love to children makes them lack responsibility and always take. A laid-off female worker bought shrimp for her child, watching him enjoy while she didn't touch it. After he finished eating, she wanted to taste one, but the 13-year-old said, "That's mine!" Overindulgence and unlimited freedom breed selfishness, making children think only of themselves, not others.
*4. Dialogue is more important than confrontation
—Don't argue with your child.
Teenagers love to oppose their parents, and middle-aged parents love to argue with their children. Both sides stand firm, imposing their opinions on each other, wanting to change the other without changing themselves. Regarding early romance, many parents simply and brutally suppress it.
Adolescents are in a period where adult feelings increase rapidly, but their psychology is immature. They want adult respect but lack basic trust in their parents. Thus, they strongly oppose and open their hearts only to peers. At such times, they especially need emotional concern and understanding.
*5. Encouragement is more important than blame
—Appreciate your child and tell them "you can do it."
Constant dissatisfaction and blaming send negative messages, making children timid and depressed, even leading to nihilistic thoughts. As a child, I had two loves: painting and dancing. At five, I drew a rooster, and my mother said, "It's wonderful! I always said your rooster is prettier than mine!" This encouraged me to keep drawing, from elementary school to high school, and later to rural areas to teach farmers. Eventually, I edited the China Youth Newspaper. Unfortunately, during fifth grade, when I was auditioning for a dance school, a teacher walked by, glanced at me, and said, "Hmph, your legs aren't straight enough to dance!" Since then, whenever I danced, I remembered those words and eventually stopped altogether. Therefore, if children grow up hearing "you can't," they internalize it as "I can't." Talent isn't as important as interest and confidence. Cheer for your child boldly and believe they can create miracles!
Understanding Your Educational Methods Through Your Child's Behavior:
1. If your child likes to criticize others, it's because you criticize them excessively.
2. If your child complains about everything, it's because you often criticize them.
3. If your child opposes you, it's because you show hostility and coercion.
4. If your child lacks kindness, it's because you lack compassion.
5. If your child is fearful and shy, it's because they are frequently mocked or scolded.
6. If your child doesn't confide in you, it's because you nitpick and bring up old issues.
7. If your child cannot distinguish right from wrong, it's because you are authoritarian and don't give them autonomy or thinking time.
8. If your child is insecure, it's because you constantly express disappointment and lack patience in encouraging them.
9. If your child is jealous, sensitive, and afraid of being hurt, it's because there's no tolerance or warmth in their home.
10. If your child dislikes themselves, it's because you lack acceptance, acknowledgment, and respect.
11. If your child lacks ambition and effort, it's because your expectations are too high for them to achieve.
12. If your child is selfish, it's because you spoil them and give them everything they ask for.
13. If your child doesn't understand your efforts, it's because you haven't taught them empathy.
14. If your child is withdrawn and avoids interaction, it's because they've been ignored and criticized by you.
15. If your child is lazy and dependent, it's because you do too much for them and make decisions on their behalf.
16. If you're controlled by your child, it's because you're hesitant to discipline strictly and always seek their approval.
17. If your child lies or deceives, it's because you lack leniency and punish them excessively.
18. If your child is cold and aggressive toward others, it's because you've ridiculed and disdained them too much.
19. If your child shows violent behavior, it's because you often use violence to solve problems.
20. If your child lacks strong willpower and fears difficulties, it's because you haven't given them opportunities to exercise.
If your family exhibits three of the above situations, your education may be in a "sub-healthy" state.
If four situations exist, you should pay attention to your educational methods.
If five situations occur, your family education has serious problems and expert advice is needed!