How difficult it is to quit smoking depends on the length of one's smoking history and the severity of one's addiction. For someone like me, with a forty-year smoking history and a heavy addiction, quitting smoking is much more difficult. My uncle once made a bet with me, saying that if I could quit smoking, he would give up eating too. This was clearly an expression of his distrust in my attempt to quit smoking, his lack of hope, and his conclusion that it was absolutely impossible for me to succeed.
In my uncle's eyes, I was definitely a good child. I couldn't let Uncle give up food and cut off worldly pleasures just so I could quit a trivial habit. That was absolutely unacceptable. I had to continue smoking so that my uncle could eat well and live well. But my uncle eventually gave up eating. In the year he turned 59, he suffered from esophageal cancer, didn't eat or drink for many days, and then passed away. Of course, this had nothing to do with our agreement. At that time, I had also tried to quit smoking many times but failed each time, and smoked even more heavily.
My failure to quit smoking was due to a long smoking history and severe addiction. I started smoking in my teens and continued until I was over fifty. Except for eating and sleeping, during all other waking hours when my mouth was free, I smoked. Whether at work, after work, walking, or taking transportation, sometimes even in the middle of the night when I woke up, I couldn't fall back asleep without smoking one or two cigarettes. The quality and class of the cigarettes were constantly improving. Initially, I smoked cigarettes costing three cents per pack, five cents for "Yangqun", nine cents for "Xuelian", ten cents for "Friendship", and fifteen cents for "Gold Leaf". Later, as my addiction grew, these inferior cigarettes felt too mild and unsatisfying, so I switched to air-cured tobacco leaves grown by the production team, rolling them into cigarettes. Without using a pipe, I rolled them with paper into trumpet shapes. At that time, I always carried three things: a tobacco pouch, matches, and rolling papers. The tobacco pouch was a plastic bag used for intravenous drips, filled with tobacco crumbs. The rolling papers were students' used homework notebooks, crumpled, and every time I wanted to smoke, I tore off a strip, folded it into a groove, evenly placed the tobacco crumbs on it, rolled it, tightened it, moistened the end paper with my tongue to stick it, and finally pulled off the twisted end, forming a trumpet shape. By this point, my addiction had reached its peak. Even regular tobacco seemed too mild to me, not satisfying enough. I chose the strongest ones. A colleague surnamed Su had a big smoking habit; whenever he went to buy tobacco leaves, he would buy some for me. They were produced in Luochuan, Zhengning, large leaves, thick texture, dark red color, extremely strong and satisfying when smoked. Later, when I transferred to the office, smoking such tobacco was considered inappropriate, so I switched back to cigarettes, and they weren't cheap either, at least ten yuan per pack. These things lacked strength; smoking one or two packs daily wasn't as satisfying as two bowls of tobacco, but I had to maintain an elegant and gentlemanly appearance while smoking them.
Smoking has brought me many harms. Most obviously, smoking has darkened my complexion and stained my teeth black. I know that my trachea, lungs, intestines, and stomach are also covered in thick layers of tar. I often cough violently, feeling as if I'm about to die; I often feel nauseous, as if I want to vomit everything out. Many friends have advised me to quit smoking. So I began trying to quit.
Hunger affects the stomach and intestines, thirst affects the mouth and tongue, but nicotine cravings affect the willpower. Once triggered, one feels mentally exhausted, anxious, restless, and unable to sit still. Yawning, running noses, tearing up, losing face, behaving improperly—quitting smoking is a very arduous mental struggle and a revolution of willpower. People often say to overcome oneself, but truly, quitting smoking is the process of overcoming oneself, a fierce battle between willpower and addiction.
I am a weak person. I've tried to quit smoking countless times but failed due to insufficient perseverance. Once, I formed an alliance with our leader to quit smoking together, supervising each other and setting penalties. We only managed to quit for two days before our resolve wavered, and we sheepishly surrendered. I took a pack of soft Zhonghua cigarettes to his room, and he smiled, accepting one, asking, "Can't you hold out either?" I admitted it was true. Afterward, both of our addictions increased significantly.
Besides willpower, there's also the cigarettes themselves. Over the years, most of the cigarettes I smoked were gifts from relatives, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. They sent them as thanks for small favors I did for them, allowing me to smoke for free. Since they gave them freely, I thought, "Smoke them or waste them." If I had to pay for them myself, perhaps it would have given me more motivation to quit.
Since I couldn't quit, I tried to find grand excuses to justify continuing smoking. I once considered myself a man of letters, comforting myself with Lin Yutang's famous words about writers and smoking. Later, a learned teacher consoled me. He said that regular smokers already have a kind of ecological environment inside their bodies where smoking plays a part, achieving a new balance in life. If you forcibly quit smoking, you might disrupt this ecological environment, destroy this life balance, and your body might develop problems instead.
There's also a very classic example. My high school physical education teacher passed away. When we were in school, he was as strong as an ox, running like a horse. He later became the director of the county sports committee. It was said that he ran around the mountain roads of the county every morning. Yet, he died before turning fifty. He never smoked, not even a single cigarette. But he got lung cancer and died from it! On his deathbed, he said, "Smoking does no harm, exercising has no benefit." This statement gave me immense comfort.
Later, I developed a serious stomach condition. Doctors told me I must quit smoking. Then I developed a serious heart condition. Again, doctors told me I must quit smoking. I could feel that these diseases were directly related to smoking. Continuous smoking immediately caused discomfort in my stomach. Especially with heart disease, the more I smoked, the more suffocated I felt, and the more suffocated I felt, the more I wanted to smoke, creating a vicious cycle that would quickly worsen my condition. But facing this culprit, I was powerless. I knew I couldn't quit.
On the morning of November 21, 2009, according to my usual habit, I was supposed to lie in bed and smoke one or two cigarettes before getting up. However, my chest felt tight and painful. I genuinely realized it was caused by excessive smoking the previous day. The previous day, I already felt suffocated, the more suffocated I felt, the more I smoked, and the more I smoked, the more suffocated I felt, until I went to bed that night. I couldn't sleep through the night, experiencing symptoms of angina pectoris occasionally, which were only suppressed by strong medications, allowing me to fall asleep.
I called my wife to my bedside, asking her to bring my cigarette box, lighters from various places, and ashtrays scattered around. I told her, "Starting now, I'm quitting smoking. Please throw all these things away, put them in the trash can outside the building." My wife laughed and said, "Forget it, you can't quit." I replied, "When it threatens my life, I'd rather choose to live."
By this point, my smoking cessation campaign had been running smoothly for over a hundred hours. During this time, I haven't smoked a single cigarette. I believe I can keep going.
Relevant theme articles:
http://cyworld.ifensi.com/ps2/diary/diary_view.php?mh_id=2011980736&diary_date=20120225&postid=435272
http://home.51.com/91723414/diary/item/10050793.html
http://home.51.com/91723414/diary/item/10050794.html
Hospital website: http://jieyan.5j5k.com/
Coronary Heart Disease Health Tips Reference:
1 Quitting Smoking and Lung Cancer: http://fei.5j5k.com/
2 Coronary Heart Disease and Quitting Smoking: http://guanxinbing.5j5k.com/
3 Quitting Smoking and Drug Addiction: http://jiedu.5j5k.com/
4 Quitting Smoking and Hyperthyroidism: http://jiakang.5j5k.com/