My 24 years old, is a contradiction. I hate a lot of things, but I often repeat these things. I have a dream to change my life, but I can't even develop a habit of saving and self-discipline. Sometimes we may not be good enough, but I think this does not represent all. These imperfections are just part of us. My 24-year-old self is always thinking about some questions that make many people baffled. For example, why do I increasingly forget the important little thing called dreams; what exactly is the love I want, and what exactly do I want? Why do we always attribute the reasons for abandoning our dreams and love to reality?
At the dinner table sit three people: me, Xiao Bai, and Xiao Jie. Xiao Bai is a single woman, to be more precise, she's a woman who has been single for not long. She recently attended a friend gathering with a group of friends like her who are troubled by emotions. At the gathering, she could hold a bottle of alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and rationally tell others to first figure out what they want before making decisions, it's that simple. But at this moment, faced with the same question, she couldn't find an answer. Am I any different? We all understand these principles, but how many of us can clearly answer what we truly want.
In comparison, Xiao Jie has a pretty good relationship. Her boyfriend loves her very much, and she loves him back equally. Both sets of parents have accepted their relationship, and in the eyes of outsiders, they're an enviable couple. One evening, Xiao Jie told me on the phone that before meeting her boyfriend, there was a boy in her heart. Now that she's getting married, Xiao A will leave here for another city, but she still loves Xiao A. She knows she'll never see Xiao A again, and Xiao A cannot stay by her side because flying is his destiny. Xiao Jie cried, this time with too much sadness and委屈 (unfairness).
I can feel Xiao Jie's helplessness, and I believe that Xiao Jie genuinely loves her boyfriend. Even so, we cannot blame anyone because our 24-year-old selves, or even our entire lives, are contradictions. We yearn for a better life, but at the same time, we set up obstacle after obstacle for ourselves.
For the 24-year-old me, facing the unknown future leaves me at a loss. I begin to dare not imagine what kind of life I want because to find the answer to this question, I must make some choices. And right now, I'm not sure if I'm ready to face the answers that come with those choices. My 24 years old, is a contradictory existence. I keep moving forward, obsessed and hurried. (Source: Aoshu.com)
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