Looking back on these chaotic times, I have encountered, walked through, missed, tried, met, and experienced... people and events... It suddenly feels so magical. In this year, there has been happiness, disappointment, but what left a deeper mark on me is the sense of helplessness, depression, and ignorant outbursts. However, deep in my memory, it’s still these past six months that stand out. Step by step, walking forward, leaving a kind of pain in my heart, perhaps this is what's called "growing pains," isn't it?
Thinking about the past, the naive and ignorant me, although silly and dumb, she truly knew when her smile was the most genuine and beautiful. And now, though still as foolish and stubbornly clumsy, that natural smile which belonged only to her has disappeared... Even herself doesn’t know anymore when she is truly herself.
Although I am no longer the careless little kid who didn't care about anything and didn't bother with appearances, the simple ugly duckling who didn't mind being rough around the edges. Now, though I remain simple, I genuinely take the time to dress myself up because I know that even an ugly duckling will grow old one day. She sincerely fears what time might leave for her, because among those people around her, besides the ones who should be there and shouldn't be, the rest are just random passers-by... Many times, she feels fear, loneliness, helplessness... Countless dark nights, late into the night, when everyone else has fallen asleep, she is alone, running around aimlessly at the foot of the bustling Beijing city like a clumsy goose. Many times, even crossing the street or finding a bus stop becomes her biggest problem.
Actually, possibly no one knows that this ugly duckling used to feel nothing but fear and loneliness outside. But now, she... has changed, changed so much... She gradually began to fall in love with the hustle and bustle under the Beijing skyline... fell in love with the loneliness in the dead of night, started enjoying the solitude while wandering outside, crossing bridges, standing on the road, gazing at the lights of ten thousand homes... At that moment, the ugly duckling really began to imagine, if one day, the little clumsy duck really grows up... Although in others' eyes, he is still a child, but in her world, she is no longer the same as before, sincerely starting to grow up, lurking in the city, but still, the ugly duckling remains an ugly duckling, her pace of growth may be a bit slow.
And now, the ugly duckling has been pushed onto a path she is still trying to avoid, facing the constant flow of vehicles, lost in direction at the traffic lights, she doesn't want to move, doesn't want to leave her spot because she doesn't know what awaits her next... Fear and helplessness fill her mind, unable to think clearly.
Gradually, the ugly duckling begins to have some understanding of herself. Although she still doesn't know exactly what she wants, she already knows what she doesn't want. For someone as dense as her, this is indeed a big improvement.
In these past six months, it is truly the beginning of her real transformation. But time has left her with great wounds. A pain carved deeply into her bones, a pain no one can understand, a pain that makes her incapable of crying anymore.
In these six months, the little clumsy duck no longer loves to laugh, nor can she laugh, not that kind of smile that made her the most beautiful and closest to her true self. It was also in these six months that she learned another kind of smile, a smile that can be summoned at any moment, still a naturally flowing smile, but no one knows how tiring it is, how utterly exhausted it makes her.
In these six months, the little clumsy duck has become more beautiful, no longer the awkward little snot-nosed kid she once was. She has grown to love looking in the mirror, applying makeup, taking care of her skin, not because she has met her prince, but because she has started to fear... Fear that time will leave terrible marks on her face. So she can only protect herself in this way.
Nowadays, the little duck has really changed... Changed so much... so much...
Although she has become irritable, making people reluctant to approach her.
Although she has become quiet, so quiet that people find her obedient, yet they only dare to watch from afar...
Although she has become indifferent to worldly disputes...
In fact, all of this is not because she wants or doesn't want, but because she has no intention or strength to change. She just wants to quietly be a happy little girl, no longer afraid, no longer helpless, so towards reality, she can only face it with a smile, bear it quietly, for unhappiness and what she hates, she has learned to stay calm...
Perhaps, all of this is simply because she is a Virgo woman... a woman that many find hard to adapt to. But it is precisely this sensitive zodiac sign that decides this ugly duckling will firmly and persistently wait for and create her own future. And for all the scenery flashing by along the way, she tries to smile through them all, doing her best to leave behind her most beautiful smile.
But once something or some words happen, although she knows she doesn't care, doesn't mind, perhaps only Virgos themselves would know that a single word, though light, can weigh infinitely heavy in their hearts. So don't joke around lightly with Virgo women; even if they don't take it seriously, they will remember it very seriously. So... please don't easily make friends with Virgo women, you will get tired, and she will too, because if you don't understand her well enough, aren't inclusive enough, then... it's better to just watch her from afar... That way, perhaps, she will be at her most beautiful~
No matter what, the little duck has to learn to grow up? Facing the future world, although fearful, there is still anticipation, because I am such a person, who loves to magnify sadness infinitely, but also loves to amplify hope infinitely. I am like this, in the depths of despair, always believing that a wonderful tomorrow will come, because I love to fantasize! Love to dream~ So, don't easily like ugly duckling girls, because I won't easily like anyone, because ugly ducklings won't easily give themselves the chance to be hurt.
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