It's been a long time since I wrote something. Suddenly, I feel that my writing skills have become poor. Go with the flow. At 5 o'clock in the morning, another sleepless night, who am I missing? I know, you also know, right? My dear, the person I think about day and night. You said you like this side of me, "innocent". What beautiful four words, but they no longer apply to me. I'm not as pure as before. I know society is complex, people's hearts are unpredictable, and there are those materialistic theories and things. I understand. You said, haven't I always been the one who shocks people with my words? You said I'm still the same old me, the naive me. But I know I've changed a bit, though I can't quite put it into words. In those betrayals, exploitations, and power struggles, my heart has become indifferent. I don't trust any other men except you, and I don't trust any other women except her, her, and her. But isn't the world just like this? Everything involves interests and exploitation. At least, someone still betrays me, exploits me, harms me, and hates me. If I don't have these values, then I have nothing, and I am nothing. But, my dear, I'm not afraid. Even if I change completely, loving you is my only constant.
>> Those problems are not scary, are they? Isn't it just something that requires a lot of thought and brainpower? I'm not afraid because I'm not stupid. I can work hard and keep up with your pace.
>> I know my carefree days are numbered. I've known for a long time. To get something, you have to give something. I know I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, or kind enough. I know I don't come from a good family, and my parents aren't rich. I know that no matter how beautiful a woman is, she will grow old one day. The only thing that lasts forever is temperament, connotation, and knowledge. A woman may be very beautiful on the outside, but if her brain is just an empty shell, then at best she's just a vase, a man's accessory. And I refuse to be that, I don't have the foundation to be a vase.
Yes, I've changed now. Before, I would follow your schedule; you were my whole world. But now I have my own life, my own things to do. It's not that I don't value you anymore, or that I don't love you anymore. It's just that a woman in love also has her own life. We're not married yet, are we? We haven't reached that step. I have my rules. If you love me, you should respect my pace, right? If two people truly love each other for a long time, does it really matter whether they see each other every day? Besides, I'm not even officially recognized as your girlfriend by your family yet. Right now, we're just two people who like each other but can't be together openly.
Before, I thought if we started seriously but couldn't end up together, then such a person, such a relationship, should be abandoned. But when I really met you, I realized that I can deceive others, but not my own heart. I'd rather make a mistake than miss out on someone like you. It's not that I don't know I should give up, it's just that I can't let go. Even if our result is that we don't end up together in the end, at least we've tried, so we won't regret it, we won't feel sorry. Because I really did put my heart into it. Now, I just want to do what my heart tells me, and that is to love you well.
Jiujiu says I daydream more and more, and I'm getting quieter. Although I'm still unrestrained and talkative in front of her, doing whatever I want, she says I've changed, becoming less like the old me. Yes, this is normal, isn't it? No one stays a child forever. Time makes me grow up, especially after all that has happened. How can I be innocent again?
I'm not pretty, I don't know how to talk well, I don't have any special skills, I occasionally lose my temper, I like staying at home doing nothing, I can spend a day in front of the computer. I'm silly, greedy, and sleepy. It's no wonder your mom doesn't like me. So, I want to change, to make her like me, to make her accept me. She is your mom, isn't she?
You said loving someone isn't fleeting, loving someone is giving them happiness, a clear goal. Love is love, don't evade it. So you clearly told me your goal is to give me happiness, to grow old with me, to waste time together, to watch the gentle flow of water together. Just those few words, those few actions, those few expressions, you've captured my heart tightly. Now, no one else can enter it.
This article is excerpted from: Xia Hua Literature Network