I am a person from a large family with poor conditions. My parents' relationship was strained even before I was born, and it remained so until I understood their situation. There has been no change in their relationship. Because of their relationship, I grew up not daring to believe in love and even fearing marriage. I never thought about getting married or starting a family. Later, because of frequent arguments with my father for almost two years, I felt redundant and unable to gain his affection. Our relationship became increasingly strained. Later, an idea emerged in my mind - getting married. Perhaps if I found someone and got married, my father would stop arguing with me. Not long after, I resolutely decided to get married without considering my family's opposition. After I got married, my father really stopped arguing with me altogether. On the contrary, our relationship improved significantly.
However, my rushed marriage brought misfortune to my own marriage. The conflicts and struggles that plagued my parents' relationship have now befallen me. For me, quarrels and fights are terrifying events, yet this is exactly what I encountered in my unfortunate life. When the marriage first began, it wasn't too bad; there was relative peace for about over a year. But after more than a year, the situation worsened. This was something I had never imagined happening to me before marriage. Thus, I wanted to end this oppressive and fearful life. Later, I made up my mind to terminate this exhausting and extremely unpleasant lifestyle. I am a decisive person; if I encounter an unsuitable or uncomfortable environment, I will immediately leave such an environment that brings me fear. I will distance myself and escape. Therefore, I chose to live alone. Living alone is also difficult. During these years of solitary wandering, I encountered unprecedented and extraordinary events. These events, combined with my brief experience of marriage, made me stronger. I feel that I am becoming less like a woman. I have become accustomed to handling everything on my own. At this point, men have become dispensable beings to me. Men have never given me any sense of security, which I never received from my family as a child. So, whatever happens, no one can help me. Whatever sweetness or sorrow, I swallow and deal with them on my own.
Until one day, a friend who I barely knew introduced me to a man. Out of curiosity and indifference, I agreed. I didn’t know why during that time, I was very tired and wished for someone to take care of me, or at least be a listener when I was exhausted or feeling down. It would be great if someone could chat with me nearby. And thus, my friend introduced me to her friend. I remember when my friend called him for the first time, he might have been busy, so they talked briefly. My friend then asked if he'd like to meet a girlfriend, and he said he’d call back later. Not long after, he did call back. In the phone call, he asked my friend to send him a picture of me. Then, he added my WeChat, and we sent him my photo through WeChat. Later, my friend gave him my phone number. Soon after, he sent me a message on WeChat, then called me and we chatted for a bit. That’s how we simply got to know each other. The next day, we chatted on WeChat all day. Afterward, we communicated daily via phone and WeChat. He asked for my photos, and I requested his as well. From the photos, I saw that he was a real man, quite masculine. Since we were hundreds of kilometers apart, meeting wasn't easy, especially since he was working away from home. So, we could only talk on the phone every day. Every night, we would spend about one to two hours chatting on the phone. Time flew by quickly. Even though I hadn't seen him in person, I could tell from the phone conversations that he was kind-hearted, optimistic, and easily satisfied. His attitude towards friends and social interactions reflected his optimism. He was truly a very easy-going and optimistic person. From talking to him, I learned that he came from a very happy and harmonious large family. Just hearing about it made me envious, and I felt an immediate desire to join their family. Listening to his beautiful family stories reminded me of the happiness and harmony in family life that I had always wanted but never experienced. He was also a divorced person, but I couldn’t detect any sadness about his past from his heart; only optimism shone through. Perhaps his large family brought him infinite warmth, which prevented his emotional history from being as tragic as mine.
After knowing him for just a few days, my rather cold personality became much more open. I clearly felt happier than I had been in recent years. Really, he wasn't like other men who wanted something from you. He was so genuine and reasonable. Gradually, I felt that even if we didn't develop into boyfriend-girlfriend, I would still be glad to have met him and consider him a good friend. As we continued to chat, we developed mutual feelings. I truly liked him. His enthusiasm made it hard for me not to like him, haha. Slowly, I started wanting to see him immediately, but I was also afraid to meet him in case he wasn't as I imagined. My heart was really anxious, not knowing what to do. Thus, I gathered the courage to go see him. Knowing my decisions are irreversible, I thought that since we were bound to meet eventually, it was better sooner than later. We agreed to meet, and I decided to travel hundreds of kilometers to Yan'an to see him a few days later. On the day we set for our meeting, I boarded the train to Yan'an, the revolutionary old area. I brought him two scarves that I had knitted for him every day while thinking about him. As I boarded the train, I was both excited and nervous. Once on the train, I really felt uneasy. Honestly, I was a bit scared, and I grieved over my past experiences, fearing that he might not be as I imagined. What if he was mentally unstable or not my type? What if his expressions or gestures weren't to my liking? Anyway, my heart was very restless, and I wondered why, if I were happily married, I would need to travel hundreds of miles to see him. Tears involuntarily fell as I left without telling anyone—my parents, brothers, or even my best friend. I feared that if things didn’t go as expected, no one would know, and it would be as if I had never met him. Even my sister-in-law, with whom I usually shared everything, was not told.
On the train, I took the knitting wool for the scarf I had made for a friend and continued knitting along the way, knowing I wouldn't sleep anyway and needed something to occupy myself. After 9 PM, all the lights on the train went out except for the dim corridor light. I knitted under this faint light without blinking, and he called and messaged me asking where I was. It showed how excited and eager he was. Despite my nervousness, I was also thrilled, imagining seeing him in a few hours, with a growing anticipation. A few hours later, we finally arrived in Yan'an. I was about to get off the train, feeling quite excited because I was going to see him right away. As I exited the passage, my heart skipped a beat, fearing the worst-case scenario. I took a deep breath and walked towards the exit with my head down, secretly looking around at the entrance, unsure which one was him. I looked but couldn't find him, so I kept my head down. As soon as I stepped outside, I thought maybe he was waiting inside the car because it was raining in Yan'an that day. I believed he might be in the car without an umbrella. If I didn't see him at the entrance, I planned to call him. However, as soon as I stepped out, someone pulled my luggage away before I could react. I looked down and realized it was him. Due to the rain, we didn't look at each other much and quickly headed for the car. Once in the car, I truly saw him—he was exactly as in the pictures, honest and reliable. That night, we weren't staying in Yan'an because their base was in Zhidan County, so we had to drive there. The rain kept falling as he drove, occasionally reaching over to hold my hand, haha. At that moment, I really felt an indescribable beauty in my heart. Although I was very tired, I persisted, remaining awake. We laughed and joked, saying that my visit had moved the heavens to cry nonstop while he didn't. Laughing and joking all the way, it took about two hours to reach Zhidan County, where we checked into a hotel. Despite being very tired and weary, seeing him erased all my fatigue. He held me while sleeping, and he couldn't sleep either. His arms were so broad, giving me a sense of security I had never experienced before. We finally fell asleep around 4 or 5 in the morning. The next morning at 8, he had to go to work. The room was dark, and he got up to go to work without turning on the light. He said, "Wife, I'm going to work, I'll be back soon," and kissed my forehead lightly. I vaguely felt sweet and beautiful. After he left, I slept for a while, then went to the bathroom. After using the bathroom, I gently pulled the curtain and looked outside to see snow. I loved snow and excitedly called my sister-in-law, thinking that it hadn't snowed in Taiyuan. However, she said it had snowed in Taiyuan too. Excitedly, I asked my sister-in-law where she thought I was. She guessed home, and I said no. She wondered where else I could be, having seen me the previous afternoon. I replied that I was in Yan'an and had met him. She asked how it went, and I said it was great, exactly as I liked and imagined. She said that was good.
Later, at noon, he returned, and we went out to eat together at a local restaurant with a strong Shaanxi flavor. We ate local dishes, including bean noodles that I hadn't had for years. Eating them made me feel warm in my stomach and heart, as if I had returned home. After eating, we went back to the hotel for a nap. At two o'clock, he had to go back to work, and I stayed at the hotel knitting scarves and watching TV dramas. By dinner time, he returned, and we went out to eat hot pot and drank some local wine. The wine was very strong, and after drinking a little, I felt a bit dizzy. He lied to me on the phone, saying he couldn't drink much, but after drinking quite a lot, he seemed fine. After dinner, we returned to our place. Upon returning, I threw up in the bathroom, and he was worried outside. When I came out, he gave me hot water to drink and washed my socks for me, making me feel warm inside. The next day and the third day, we stayed in Zhidan County. He took me to eat local snacks and visited Zhidan's forest park and the cave dwellings where Chairman Mao and others lived during the war. The air there was as fresh as in my hometown. Throughout these days, he took meticulous care of me, making me feel extra warm. On the fourth day, we went to Yan'an. On the way to Yan'an, we visited Zao Garden, a famous local attraction with caves where Chairman Mao and others worked during the war. During these days, he cared for me attentively, warming my heart. In Yan'an, we first found a hotel to stay in, originally planning for me to return to Taiyuan the next day. After booking the room, we went to the train station and bought tickets for the three o'clock train back to Taiyuan the next afternoon. After buying the tickets, we returned to the hotel for a while and then went out for dinner. Now we were officially a couple, holding hands as we strolled through the bustling streets of Yan'an at night. We felt people looking at us with admiration. At that moment, I truly felt beautiful and happy. My hands were cold, so he put them in his pocket to warm them, making my heart even warmer. Laughing and enjoying ourselves, we went to Yan'an's most popular snack street filled with various snacks. We ate fragrant tofu, hotpot, wontons, and then my beloved husband wanted more and tried lamb feet. After eating the lamb feet, he still felt something was missing and ordered meat skewers, saying, "Ah, finally full!" Apparently, he just needed some meat to fill his belly, ha. After eating, we went shopping, seeing a handsome men's sweater in a store. We came out, and I let my beloved try it on. Wow, heaven! He looked so handsome, so stylish. Trying on a few pieces, we ended up buying two, as he looked great in them. Haha. After shopping, the store was about to close, so we looked at some men's clothing and then returned to the hotel. He was really playful. I felt that after coming to Yan'an, he had changed compared to the first two days I met him. He became more playful and humorous, making me laugh. Reluctantly, we decided that I wouldn't return to Taiyuan the next day but would stay one more day. The next day, after leaving the hotel, we had breakfast and then started sightseeing in Yan'an. Hand in hand, we wandered happily and sweetly through Yan'an. At this moment, I felt I was in love. Love was indeed this kind of happiness and romance. When my hands were cold, he put them in his pocket to warm them, making me feel so beautiful. Around dinner time, we returned to the hotel after being tired. After resting for a while, we went out again. Last night, he bought me a thick coat at the mall. I liked it and was trying it on when he went ahead and paid for it. Normally, I buy everything myself, and I didn't expect him to buy anything for me. At that moment, I was deeply moved and felt a bit embarrassed, buying something for him on our first meeting. Regardless, I accepted it. When I said that, he replied, "It's normal for a husband to buy things for his wife. A husband earns money to spend on his wife." Ah, this husband made me feel deeply touched. I had never felt this way before. Although I had been married before, I was always the one buying things for others. This was the first time a man had said such words to me, making me feel like a woman. Before, I felt like the mainstay of the family, shouldering all the expenses. He made me realize I was a woman, and I didn't have to be so tired or manly anymore. After buying, we went to eat. On the way back to the hotel, we bought chicken claws, which were really delicious and unforgettable even now, hehe. Back at the hotel, we tidied up my luggage, then washed up and went to bed. That guy insisted on sleeping beside me every night, despite being obviously tired. He refused to sleep unless I was next to him, sometimes making him seem very childish and amusing, ha. These few nights, whether taking naps or sleeping at night, I had to pat him lightly for him to fall asleep, isn't that like a child? No matter when or what kind of sleep, he always tightly hugged me, giving a great sense of security. Ha.
The next day, I really had to return to Taiyuan. I was extremely reluctant to leave him, but he still had to work, so I had to go. After eating lunch, we reluctantly entered the waiting room at the train station, wishing time could stop at this moment. We joked about loving Yan'an and other things. I really didn't want to leave my dear one, but time passed unusually fast, and it was time for me to go. The train arrived, and he helped me board, then got off. After getting off, he didn't leave but stood outside smoking, while I quietly stood inside the train looking at him. Unable to hold back my tears due to many people on the train, I forced back my tears. The train slowly departed, and he began walking away slowly. Reluctantly, I left Yan'an.
A few hours later, I returned to Taiyuan. After returning, we continuously stayed in touch via phone and online, sharing photos and videos on WeChat. However, I really missed him so much, sometimes even wanting to immediately go back to find him. But that was just a fleeting impulse. I missed him, thinking about his routines throughout the day—waking up, eating breakfast, lunch, possibly being busy if he didn't contact me, and eating dinner. If he contacted me late, I wondered what he was doing, wanting to call but fearing I might disturb him, so I didn't dare to call. Truly, these past twenty days, I have been living this way, feeling somewhat tired and heavy with thoughts of him. Finally, I understood what it feels like to miss someone and love someone—it's really tough, like enduring endless days.
But actually, since I returned to Taiyuan, almost every morning he would call me or ask me on QQ, "Darling, are you awake? Have you had water? If not, boil some water and drink it, or have some soy milk or milk." Almost every day was like this. At lunchtime, if he wasn't busy, he would contact me, asking, "Darling, it's noon. What are you having for lunch? Be sure to go out and eat something." In the afternoon or evening, if he wasn't busy, he would still kindly ask, "What are you having for dinner tonight? Or you could go to your sister-in-law's house for some porridge." Almost every day, he continuously and meticulously cared for me, making me feel incredibly moved. I truly felt he was a very nice man, and very thoughtful.
When I caught a cold, he became worried, urging me to drink more water and reminding me to take medicine on time, and to wear enough clothes when going out. The more he cared, the more I missed him, really wanting to see him as soon as possible, especially during those two days when I was sick, longing for him to be by my side. But I knew he was busy with work and couldn't come, so I didn't show any signs. To avoid worrying him, I drank lots of water, took medicine on time, ate regularly, and dressed warmly when going out. With him, I've really changed a lot. Having someone caring for you almost all the time makes me feel so happy. Sometimes, I worry he might leave me one day, or that I shouldn't rely on him too much. Anyway, every day at home with nothing to do, I indulge in wild thoughts, haha. Every day, I look at his photos and videos, finding him so adorable in the videos, hehe. Every day, I wait eagerly for him, hoping he can finish his work soon and return to me. Every day, I persistently love and think about this piggy, ha. After meeting him, I changed a lot. Originally, after divorce, I didn't plan to remarry because the failure of marriage caused me a lot of mental harm and made me fear marriage. He made me feel that I wanted to start a family again, giving me a sense of security. Meeting him changed my personality. Before, I thought I would never like anyone again and had completely lost hope in family and love. He rekindled my heart, making me feel like a woman again, with someone I could depend on. Before, because of a rushed marriage, I didn't understand what love was, being very naive. Every time friends talked about the sweetness of love, I felt like I was hearing a fantasy, not believing in such wonderful things. However, after meeting him, I truly felt that I could also experience love, this is what love is, haha. Am I stupid and pitiable? It's him who made me dare to love recklessly, changing me a lot. Between us, from the moment we met until now, I haven't felt any awkwardness, feeling like we've known each other for a long time, with no sense of strangeness at all. Really, haha. Perhaps this is what they call fate. Since meeting him, my dreams aren't dark anymore; they're filled with laughter and joy, even in my dreams. I never expected to fall in love in the revolutionary old area, and it turned out to be so beautiful. Many things happened to me that I never anticipated, but they all truly happened in my life. In short, I feel that I am now living a life befitting a woman. I must sincerely thank heaven and my female friend for giving me such a treasure, truly grateful. I must cherish everything today. We both believe we will be good to each other, happy and sweet, guarding our belated love. I will carefully give him, me, and his precious ones a warm home, cultivating a warm and happy family. I said it, and I will persevere to do it best. Hehe. I will cherish this hard-earned happiness. Meeting you is my greatest blessing. Haha.