But in reality, it is many of our fixed mindsets that turn what could be beautiful love into nothing but bubbles. So, which mindsets are these?
One: A career is the foundation of love.
Some friends, when they experience setbacks in their feelings, often turn sorrow into strength and direct their energy towards their career. Many elders even believe that if you succeed in your career, you can possess feelings or even win back your original feelings, or find a better relationship. Some people simply take their career as a bargaining chip for their feelings. This mindset often leads to immature understanding: thinking that career determines feelings. But reality is not so simple.
1. Some people are very pure, only valuing feelings and not careers, at least not using career as a standard to seek feelings. In this case, the hard work you put into your career means nothing to him/her.
2. Perhaps some people aren't pure, he/she may recognize your career, but do you think such feelings are pure? Is he/she looking for you as a person, or your career?
Two: If you don't listen to the elders' advice, you'll suffer sooner or later.
To be honest, many people lack independence when dealing with their own emotional issues. They need to ask their parents' opinions, listen to their friends' views, and care about saving face in front of others. Especially women, who pay particular attention to their close friends' opinions. They always think that lovers have zero IQ, and those involved are confused while onlookers see clearly, so they like to listen to others' opinions. But they don't realize that emotions are like seeing different landscapes from different angles, a thousand people see a thousand Hamlets. Others' opinions, no matter how good, are only for reference. One must have one's own independence and one's own ideas. No matter how experienced others are, they cannot replace your inner feelings. Other people's experiences are different from yours, so they can never be your perspective.
Three: How much love can start over?
People with this mindset mostly believe: any kind of feeling has a chance to be salvaged. This will lead to not cherishing feelings, or paying insufficient attention to feelings, or having a certain degree of negligence towards feelings because they think "it can be salvaged." But reality is: sometimes once missed, it cannot be salvaged. Looking back, it's a lifetime. Or some relationships, even if they can be salvaged, the feelings are like broken mirrors, how can they be made whole again?
Four: The man works outside, the woman manages inside.
Some people think men should earn money to support the family, and women must learn to manage household affairs. Thus, the meaning of men lies in handling money well, while women bear the burden of doing housework. This traditional idea causes problems: first, look at men by whether they know how to make money, which makes women increasingly materialistic, judging people solely by money. Similarly, men will think that women are just there to manage the home, believing that 'a woman without talent is virtuous', which would cultivate more and more ignorant and shallow women.
Five: What is love? Love is life, it is living day-to-day.
This sentence is often said by many common people. This view advocates not to imagine love as something great, that love is actually very ordinary and cannot bear the weight people give it. Imagining love as incredibly romantic can be considered a very ignorant way of thinking. However, due to the sedimentation of Chinese traditional culture over thousands of years, this saying has become an unshakable aphorism. Milan Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" explains this point very well. If love really becomes this light, then it would have no meaning. Because many people see love as life, this is why there is the seven-year itch. When vulgarity reaches a certain level, people will inevitably get tired. This is also why there are so many extramarital affairs and high divorce rates. Therefore, adding color to love in life is a process that can never be omitted!
What does he "look" like?
The person you love:
He is the one who goes a week without combing his hair or changing clothes, then happily kisses you with a messy appearance.
He is the one who gives you roses when you're sick in bed due to pollen allergy.
He is the one who calls you at 2 AM just to say three words: "I love you."
He is the one who insists on dancing in the rain with you during a downpour, singing "Singing in the Rain."
He is the one who buys you a big fresh milk cake on your birthday and smears cream all over your face.
He is the one who cleans your range hood, then walks into your company wearing an oil-stained jacket.
He is the one who sends you a thousand roses on Valentine's Day and gets free meals from you for a week.
He is the one who fabricates a strange and difficult backstory, making you cry before laughing at you loudly.
The person you marry:
He is the one who holds the umbrella slightly tilted towards you during the rain, getting himself soaked.
He is the one who forces you to swallow medicine, then quickly boils the bitter Chinese medicine you hate the most.
He is the one who hides your newly bought weight loss pills and cooks you nourishing soup, always thinking you're too thin.
He is the one who lets you sleep soundly, missing the movie premiere, and gets scolded by you.
He is the one who becomes particularly nervous eating anything with bones, always worrying that you might choke.
He is the one who is stingy in icy winters, refusing to buy you even a single ice cream.
He is the one who not only loves you but also loves your parents and your group of friends.
He is the one who prepares two large bags of snacks for you when you travel far, still worried that you might get hungry.