From emotional upheaval to taking refuge in the Three Jewels
[Background of the emotional upheaval story:] Two people, each with their own long-standing families and successful careers, meet by chance, fall in love, and spend some time together. Soon, due to societal pressures, they face the ordeal of breaking up. This also involves other upheavals related to their careers. The carefully constructed personal spaces they had built over many years begin to shake and crumble uncontrollably. They find themselves lost and fearful, with no peace for their body and mind.
Upon encountering the Dharma, they finally understand what their hearts can rely on and the light within them. In the free realm of consciousness guided by wise teachers, sometimes they are taken to the peak of a high mountain, looking down at life as if it were ants, realizing that small matters need not be clung to; at other times, they are brought back to the present moment, respecting life anew, understanding that everything can start again; sometimes they delve into worldly affairs and emotional connections, while at others, they return to the Pure Land, experiencing freedom and ease... Below is an excerpt from the process of taking refuge.
Venerable Master: ... A person who hasn't taken refuge is like having no theme, meaning there is no central idea to one's life, so they just drift along with changes. After taking refuge, no matter how things change, this core remains unchanged. So when you see changes happening — oh, these changes become a flavor of life, a mix of sour, sweet, bitter, and spicy, smooth and rough, good and bad, all blending into one taste. Otherwise, people would be unable to bear the fluctuations caused by these changes. But after taking refuge, one finds joy even in the midst of change — the joy of life itself. In reality, the joy of life comes from truly having a corresponding sense of stability. Then, change becomes enrichment, resources, experiences. Actually, the greatest advantage I've had in this life is experiencing so many things, encountering many transformative events at a young age. Your experiences become rich, and you won't care about whether you're happy or sad anymore — those things have no real meaning. Instead, they are simply enriching aspects of life. Therefore, taking refuge is very important.
What is the main idea behind taking refuge? It is essentially about maturing and nurturing the Buddha-nature inherent in each of us, allowing it to grow. This thing doesn't need to be sought externally, doesn't require cultivation or proof, can't be destroyed or extinguished, and isn't subject to increase or decrease. It is the essence of all phenomena as described in Buddhism. Taking refuge is recognizing the wonderful function of this essence or understanding the role of this essence. All phenomena have an essence, and all essences can only be one, right? Once we understand the role of this essence, then no matter how it changes, it doesn't matter.
In fact, taking refuge is merely about activating our recognition of this essence, or rather, preventing the branches and leaves from taking effect and allowing the essence to take effect. When the essence takes effect, the issues of the branches and leaves remain just that — issues of branches and leaves. They don't deviate from the root. Whether they decay, grow, or mutate, your root remains firmly planted. This is very important.
(Ah, that's brilliant.)
Ah, yes, indeed. So, you come to see the foundation of all things. No matter how they grow or change, it doesn't matter. Hence, through taking refuge, one attains ultimate peace and happiness.
(I really want to take refuge.)
Mm-hmm, very good, very good. Taking refuge is excellent. Understanding this clearly means that, for instance, when facing changes in the family, you'll just laugh it off. Emotional changes, life changes — this is life. Change is life, it's the necessity of human existence. Sometimes people have a deliberate fantasy, thinking things won't change, but in reality, nothing is permanent. Such delusions can harm oneself. Often, we cling to certain things, hoping they won't change, but ironically, those things tend to change faster.
Life requires awakening, and awakening begins with taking refuge. Taking refuge tells us — we possess this essence, we have it. Once you recognize that you have it, that's enough, and it starts to work. When it works, that's taking refuge. Taking refuge actually means using it — using the Buddha-nature we inherently possess, which is awakening; using the Dharma-nature, which is acting according to our true nature; and using the Sangha, which helps stabilize ourselves, benefit ourselves, and benefit sentient beings. By taking refuge in the Three Jewels of Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, we truly become very happy and joyful. Otherwise, no one could endure it, right?
(That's amazing. Truly.)
What about white-haired parents sending off their black-haired children and all the things one goes through in life? Look at how much everyone has to experience. With this understanding — oh, change is normal, non-change is abnormal.
Yes.
Our Dharma-nature does not change, correct? Through this realization — being unattached and unaffected, it doesn't change; attachment causes change. Seeing this clearly, what's all this talk about emotions? Everyone has emotions, but true emotions are universal. Our so-called emotions are possessive, extreme, and focused on specific points. These kinds of emotions cause suffering for anyone, regardless of who they are! From commoners to emperors and generals, none can escape this. You know the story of Consort Yang, right? She was ultimately hanged by the people she trusted most, the ones she relied on most. In reality, all emotions end with being "hanged" by the people closest to you, no matter who you are. If you use emotions (cling to them), they will surely hang you. How do they hang you? By lifting you up. Where do they lift you? They leave you hanging between heaven and earth, leading to your demise. Everyone is like this, none can escape, no matter who. As long as you work on this.
(No matter who?)
No matter who! You say, wow, look at all those ancient stories, about loyalty and steadfastness. They all ended up hung. Every story I've seen ends with being hung. Some were hung by their own loyalty, others by their unwavering commitment, still others by their confusion. Anyway, clinging leads to suffering. OKOK, very good, non-clinging is taking refuge.
(Oh, that's fantastic.)
I no longer cling. What's the point? Everyone behaves the same way. Thinking only I am like this is where the suffering lies. We understand that the occurrence and disappearance of things is just a developmental process because it changes, and you can't stop it, you can't stop it! Who can stop change? Many people say, oh, this emotion is so great, so wonderful. You should quickly distance yourself from such thoughts because they will soon lead to negative feelings. There are countless historical stories like this. If you study history, you'll understand.
Some people might think, why am I so unlucky to get sick? Right? Or losing this emotional connection, thinking only I am so unlucky, right? Actually, it's not like that.
(Master, why aren't men "hung"?)
Men are also "hung." Men are equally hung. You might think I am very loyal, but in reality, you've already hung your husband, right? Quietly, you've strangled him. The longer your relationship lasts, the more dried out he becomes, right? He dries out without even knowing why. Oh, how did my bones lose all their meat? He doesn't even realize it, right? He's completely dried out. Ha ha, men aren't hung? Same here. Ha ha.
(Oh, so richness is normal, and steadfastness is a mistake?)
Not quite.
(But, I still haven't fully grasped it.)
As individuals, we must take responsibility for ourselves and others, showing respect and care. For example, regarding emotions, there can be various types of emotions, like spousal love, which is male-female affection, right? Affection between friends, siblings, father and daughter — there are many types. So human emotions are very complex. For instance, if you both have spouses and each guards your respective families, you can maintain sibling-like affection, which is simple and sincere, right? Everyone respects and treats each other generously, ensuring no problems arise.
However, sometimes emotional boundaries can be hard to manage. Practicing Buddhism mainly involves caring for oneself and others, caring for others while caring for oneself, respecting others while respecting oneself. Doing so generally brings order to actions. Following the Five Precepts safeguards oneself, making life safe and secure, ensuring family safety. Emotions can exist. Some people wish for future lives instead of this one, which is better than immediate gratification, do you know? There's a Chinese saying: "It's better to enjoy something in thought than to act on it," meaning doing something diminishes the joy compared to the anticipation. It's truly like that, summarized by ancients and tested by countless people. If both of you have strong emotions but are already married, you can respect each other's spouses and agree to meet in a future life. That's fine, legal, and brings strong, beautiful feelings.
This is possible. However, in Buddhism, most people avoid such games because they are tiring. But for laypeople, it's acceptable, known as a good karmic connection for the next life. Once reborn, they may become ideal couples, growing up together innocently until marriage. Many people follow past agreements.
This is far better and more meaningful than brief encounters in this life. People say enduring human nature leads to lasting relationships, so having is less important than cherishing.
(So, one doesn't know without studying Buddhism.)
Of course, you wouldn't know unless someone teaches you, right?
(Ah, so it can be thought of this way. Ha ha.)
Yes, it can. If the other party says, "I won't make any agreement with you," it shows they have hidden intentions, right? In that case, it's best to let go. Ha ha.
(Ha ha. Master, you're amazing!)
I'm telling the truth.
(He he...)
Yes, many people are like this. When their worldly connections fail, they agree to meet in the next life, preserving respect for their current spouses while fulfilling their inner desires. This life's marriage is due to karmic causes and conditions, and in the next life, they may choose differently. However, one must cherish the spouse of this life since these connections span multiple lifetimes. Ancient teachings state that familial bonds last seven lifetimes, and becoming spouses requires hundreds of lifetimes of shared karma. Thus, all relationships deserve respect.
(True.)
By respecting others, your own path continues. Agreements continue. Marriage is an agreement. If you don't uphold your marital agreement and instead promise another for the next life, you deceive them, right? So, an agreement is a vow, a precept, a wish guiding your future.
To live well, try to set aside the heart of possession and the urge for immediate gain. Look further ahead, clearer. For instance, rebirth in the Pure Land is the grand goal. Once you become a Buddha, you won't regress or lose your way. Completing your emotional ties or any other connections then becomes effortless. Imagine both of you helping sentient beings hand-in-hand, with no one interfering, right? Because you won't reincarnate or lose your way anymore.
Therefore, solve the major issue first, then address smaller ones. In reality, emotional issues are minor. We've been lost in this area for countless lifetimes, not just women but men too. Many people jump off buildings or cut their wrists, right? It's pitiful. I wouldn't do that, but I've witnessed it. I let go easily, right? Ha ha ha. But these are all trivial, right? Very small! They occupy a tiny part of life. The greatest freedom comes from mental liberation and psychological health, right? Definitely. To achieve mental health, expand your inner space. Go to Amitabha's Pure Land and stop the cycle of rebirth. Once free from rebirth, you gain autonomy. Returning to this world, you can find your old friend and say, "Hey, I've come to see you!" They'll see you and exclaim, "A Bodhisattva! You've come!" (Ha ha...) Right? Isn't that blissful? What emotions are those, right? They might say, "Let me be your disciple!" Right? Ha ha...
(Ha... Wow!)
Exactly. Solving big issues makes everything better. Viewing life from a higher perspective, seeing it from below is painful. Emotions are all like this. All human emotions are minuscule. It's not about whose or what kind of loyalty, none of that matters. Emotions are just a small part of life. Looking at life from birth to death, so-called emotional life is extremely minimal. It occupies a very small proportion! Later, it's about raising children, working, and enduring fatigue — not much romance exists.
(Master, after learning Buddhism, can I become detached and treat everyone as brothers?)
Sure, no problem. Pat them on the shoulder. They might say, "I'm watching you." You can respond, "No worries, watch my life closely; I'll bring you brilliance." Because your mind is relaxed, you care about your actions, not what others say about you.
(True.)
Then people change. They won't act recklessly but become more orderly, simpler, and insightful. Returning home, you can say, "Look, I'm liberated now. I'm no longer an ordinary person. Ordinary people are too petty, right? Being obsessed with wealth and fame is meaningless, right? Now I stand on a high mountain overlooking you all chasing wealth, beauty, fame, food, and sleep. How trivial!" Ha ha...
Exactly, it's true. Any official, no matter how high, is trivial. Any amount of money is trivial. Because everything changes! After taking refuge, we remain unchanged, like a towering mountain. Standing atop it, everything below appears small — family changes, small; emotional life, small; raising children, small; everything seems small. Therefore, governing a large country is like cooking a small fish, as Laozi said.
(Wow, that's amazing!)
So viewing life this way simplifies it. Life is merely a seasoning for our wisdom and intellect, not something to be swayed by trivialities, causing endless struggles.
(True, life is just life. We belong to the Buddha-life, right?)
Exactly.
Thinking this way changes everything.
Right. Observing the world with wisdom, seeing it through the Buddha's eyes, everything appears small. Why do people struggle? Because they're lost in it. Why seek death or life? It's self-inflicted suffering, utterly meaningless. Whether happy or sad, alive or dead, it's the same person. Sadness or joy, clarity or attachment — it depends on who you are. So be someone who sees the world through the Buddha's eyes, someone who has taken refuge. Otherwise, life is too burdensome.
(Yes, yes.)
Why do we study Buddhism? Throwing away worldly concerns and retreating to deep mountains isn't aimless. It's about truly solving the issues of the heart, not blindly wandering. Otherwise, it's not worthwhile.
(But, but...)
After solving my own issues, I say everyone is happy. Why? Because I've resolved my own problems and can communicate with anyone. Sorrow can be communicated to others, and they might say, "Stay away from this sorrowful person." Joy can also be shared, and others might say, "This person is full of joy."
People are governed by thoughts. Crying every day gets no attention, right? Why is this person so sorrowful? Laughing heartily every day makes others think, "This person is truly happy, transparent, and wise." Where does wisdom come from? From taking refuge, from the Buddha, from the depths of one's heart when it resonates. Otherwise, it's not worthwhile. Being overly concerned with trivialities brings suffering to everyone.
Whether wise or foolish, without awakening to one's innate essence, the world can overwhelm and confuse us, affecting our entire lives. Now, it won't control your whole wisdom and life anymore. It only slightly affects you. Resolving small issues, seeing through them, makes them insignificant. You have great initiative. Why? Because you've transcended that level, right? Ha ha ha.
You're no longer living on that level. Living there perpetually traps anyone. Running to a place 2700 meters high gives you 2700 meters of wisdom. (The altitude of Fangguang Temple) Ha ha ha... I used to live on a hilltop overlooking the city below. I'd wake up around three every morning and watch the lights turn on...on...on... Then came the sounds of movement — back and forth, in and out. During the day, I'd retreat. As evening approached, I'd sit and watch again — back and forth, in and out... Darkness fell, and the lights turned on...on...on... Midnight came, and the lights began to dim...dim...dim... Essentially, this repeated cycle lasted three days. I realized, "They're like ants."
(Ha ha...)
It's true. Watching from the building, the movements resembled ants moving house, then returning to sleep. The next day, they'd rise and repeat the process. Watching from the hilltop provides clarity, unlike being amidst the chaos, feeling disoriented. Observing these people reveals their hardship, repeating the ant-like task of moving house, teaching it to their children, who continue the cycle generation after generation, building ever-taller "ant nests." Dubai's skyscrapers, for instance, reach over 800 meters. Previously, ant nests were smaller, but advancements in technology have made them larger. In Africa, some ant nests resemble chimneys or trees due to superior saliva bonding soil particles tightly, resisting rain. Ants are remarkable, ha ha...
(Master, I want to take refuge.)
Yes, yes. Taking refuge is profound. It's a wonderful event, bringing joy to humans and deities alike. I used to be a monk advocating refuge everywhere. Nowadays, I speak about it less frequently. Taking refuge is a great thing. Okay, first, prostrate three times.
[Refuge Process]
The refuge ceremony is quite simple. Here, expressing sincerity transmits across infinite worlds, saying — "Another person has taken refuge!" It seems small, yet throughout countless eons, we've wandered aimlessly because we hadn't taken refuge. Once we take refuge, snap! The wandering stops. We align with and recognize the Dharma-nature, which is pervasive. This pervasive perception is the Dharma Realm. Within this Dharma Realm, we declare — we are no different from the Buddha, the Dharma, or the Sangha. We will utilize the Buddha's wisdom, the Dharma's skillful means, and strive for self-benefit and benefiting others. It's a significant event, spreading across heaven and earth. In our consciousness and lives, all surrounding lives perceive this sound.
Taking refuge makes every moment of life active and clear, starting anew. Past lives accumulate heaviness, but now we start fresh, continuously renewing — each moment becomes brand new, new, new. That's taking refuge in the Buddha because enlightened beings always live in a fresh Dharma Realm. Okay? No longer sinking, letting the earth carry sentient beings, no longer bearing it on our shoulders or in our hearts. Life becomes fresh, bringing us lightness and joy. Let our lives beautifully experience this lightness and joy. Amidst this freshness, relaxation, and brilliance, let our psychological and realistic spaces convey these to those around us. Not only do we feel every moment is light, joyful, and transparent, but causality reflects from our hearts, allowing all sentient beings to gain joy and happiness within. That's taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Um, good, it's complete!
(Amitabha Buddha!)
[After Taking Refuge]
(Master, I want to ask, will studying Buddhism prevent us from falling into the cycle of rebirth?)
According to Buddhist teachings, one won't fall into samsara