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Marriage, is it 100% predestined?
In the past, people always said that marriage was predestined. I never believed it. I thought to myself, there are so many girls in this world, anyone can be pursued, and whoever I manage to pursue will be the one I marry. How could it possibly be predestined? Could it be that the one who is destined for me doesn't even need me to pursue her but instead comes to marry me on her own? Would such a good thing happen to me?
However, what I never expected was that I actually encountered such a good thing, and it was foreseen by a fortune-teller 25 years ago.
In a certain month of 1983,
We were in our second year of university when our class president suggested we go mountain climbing and sightseeing at Mount Nanyue. We stayed at a hotel in Hengyang. After dinner, my classmate Anhui and I strolled down the street. We came across a quiet place where we saw a group of people surrounding a fortune-telling stall, so we went over to take a look. The fortune-teller was telling a middle-aged man, who looked like an official, about his past and future. After finishing, the man paid and left silently. I followed him and quietly asked, "How was it? Was he accurate?" The man looked at me and said, "I would say 90% of it was correct." After discussing with Anhui, we decided to give it a try.
At that time, we completely didn't believe in fate, let alone ghosts and gods. After all, we studied geophysics and materialist philosophy, believing matter comes first, consciousness second, and matter determines consciousness. But what the previous person said made us very curious. At that time, I was deeply interested in the mysteries of the universe and life, calling myself "the idle man who solves puzzles," arrogantly claiming I would uncover all the secrets of the universe, naturally wanting to uncover the mystery of fortune-telling as well.
I started first. After the fortune-teller asked for my birth details, he drew four parallel short lines on the palm of my left hand with a pen and began his explanation, recording it on a draft paper. Since we viewed fortune-telling as a game, only half-believing and not taking it seriously, that draft paper was later lost, and the detailed circumstances cannot be recalled. However, a few key points stuck in my mind. One was that I was definitely going to be a college student. Another was about my career prospects, predicting that I would hold a certain official position at the age of 30, and what would happen after that. The third point was about my marriage, saying that I would have four romantic relationships, and only the fourth girlfriend would be my true wife, also being the woman who would be best for me throughout my life. When it came to Anhui, he also said he would be a college student, but mentioned that he had encountered a disaster at the age of three and almost died, and his mother passed away when he was seven. He would achieve greater success than me (which turned out to be true as I had already left the corporate world). Back then, the economy was largely planned, with an emphasis on official positions, and society hadn't yet adopted the concept of money above all else, so there was no mention of financial luck. He asked Anhui for one and a half yuan, but only charged me one and two tenths of a yuan. Of course, I was happy that he only charged me one and two tenths of a yuan, not taking his words seriously at all. I thought to myself, how could Anhui, who was more focused on playing rather than studying and ranked much lower academically than me, end up being more successful? However, Anhui did confirm that he indeed faced a major calamity at the age of three and lost his mother at the age of seven, which surprised me greatly. From then on, although I remembered the prediction he made about my marriage, I secretly resolved to make sure his predictions failed.
First Romance
In 1984, I embarked on my first romance. Interestingly, this elegant girl from the mathematics department of another local university was initially favored by a fellow townsman from my department, but despite numerous attempts, he failed to win her affection and eventually gave up. I was quite dissatisfied with her arrogance, and a strong desire to conquer arose within me. After consulting with my fellow townsman, I decided to personally step in. On a Sunday, I invited her to Yue Lu Mountain for a day out. As we parted ways, I handed her a handwritten multiple-choice question: Assuming I hope you become my girlfriend, would you choose A (completely agree), B (absolutely disagree), or C (maybe later)? The next day, she told me she chose A.
Back then, young people generally aspired to marriages like those of scientists such as Marie Curie and her husband. After we started dating, I quickly informed her that I intended to study physics, with the goal of winning the Nobel Prize in Physics. I expressed deep sorrow over China's lack of Nobel laureates and vowed to change this reality. Since significant breakthroughs in physics often require substantial progress in mathematical theory (for example, without the establishment of calculus, there wouldn't be Maxwell's equations or electromagnetic theory, making it difficult for humans to know about electromagnetic waves. Similarly, due to a lack of advancements in mathematical theory — some believe the curve arc theory must be established — humans still haven't fully understood the essence of gravity), I hoped she would become a theoretical pioneer in the field of mathematics. Therefore, her minimum task was to obtain a Ph.D. in mathematics. Excited by my grand goals, she worked hard. I also handed her a book titled "Analysis of the Best International Mathematics Problems of the 20th Century" (despite excelling in advanced mathematics — I ranked tenth in a nationwide university mathematics competition preliminaries不分年级和专业的全国大学生数学竞赛预选赛上刚获得全校第十，但这本书的大部分内容我却看不懂) for her to study.
However, a year later, she told me that researching mathematics was too difficult, and she might not be able to accomplish the task I had given her. She said she wanted to lead an ordinary life. This was something I couldn't tolerate. After several arguments, we broke up.
That marked the end of my first romance.
Second Romance
After the failure of my first romance, I stopped focusing on love and immersed myself in studying mathematics (attempting to prove Fermat's Last Theorem, staying awake for 48 hours without success) and theoretical physics, astrophysics, while dealing with my major in geophysics. As graduation approached, my excellent performance in all subjects earned me a recommendation for a direct entry into postgraduate studies in my major, but I realized that research in my field couldn't lead to a Nobel Prize, so I declined further education and chose a research institute in Beijing, hoping to improve my English within a year and then apply for graduate studies in astrophysics at the Chinese Academy of Sciences.
The institution, urgently needing talent, refused my request to take the entrance exam for astrophysics graduate studies and assigned me heavy workloads. Disheartened, I began studying various forms of psychology (and philosophy), particularly sexual psychology and women's psychology, to help me pursue girls. Later, I started writing letters to a pretty junior schoolmate (she had no idea who I was, but I had noticed her during my time at school). She had no impression of me, but after receiving three love letters from me, she became my second girlfriend (later I learned that she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was feeling lonely, allowing me to seize the opportunity, not because I had great charm).
However, more than a year later, she faced graduation. With mediocre grades (back then, graduates were assigned jobs based on their academic performance, with top students getting priority in choosing units), coming to Beijing seemed impossible, and she wasn't willing to go to a small city. Meanwhile, her ex-boyfriend helped her secure a good job in a coastal southern city, where she once worked as a radio host. She ended up marrying him (now, her husband has become the director and CEO of an internationally renowned large company, frequently featured in the media. This is a side note).
That concluded my second romance, and I felt I was gradually approaching the prophecy.
Third Romance
A few months after the second romance ended, a relative who had become a high-ranking official introduced me to several girls from high-ranking families (back then, college students were still quite sought after), but either I didn't find them appealing or they didn't find me appealing. The ones I interacted with most met twice before parting ways; none of them became my substantive girlfriends.
In 1988, through the introduction of a friend working in a ministry, I embarked on my third romance. She was a distinguished graduate of a prestigious university (her college entrance exam scores ranked third in the province) and worked at a national financial institution, with a pleasant appearance. We got along well, and after six months, we decided to get married. After purchasing some household appliances and planning our registration date, I suddenly discovered some intolerable flaws in her— including a bad temper and extreme materialism. At the time, concepts like "ten-thousand-yuan households" and "time is money" were beginning to emerge, and societal values were transitioning towards "money above all," while our monthly income was less than fifty yuan. She constantly nagged me about how others were buying furniture or appliances, and how I couldn't keep up. I clearly realized that being with her might not bring happiness, but the wedding plans were already set, and secretly, I planned to break the fortune-teller's prophecy at all costs. Therefore, I tried to counsel her, endure her, and even educate her.
After a quarrel, I traveled to Shenzhen for a month. In the second week of my stay in Shenzhen, she called, hesitating to say something.
I asked, "Do you want to end things?"
She replied, "Um..."
I said, "Alright."
Later, I found out that shortly after I left Beijing, she accepted a proposal from a male colleague with better conditions than me (both are now well-known figures in the financial industry). No matter how hard I tried, it was meaningless.
Thus, my third romance ended. I had no choice but to face the fortune-teller's prophecy, starting to abandon my arrogant attempts to change it and quietly wait for destiny's arrangement.
Fourth Romance
After the third romance ended, I began to believe in fate, thus stopping actively pursuing any girls. My interests also shifted, spending a lot of time reading the classic works of ancient literature and seeking solace in them.
In the spring of 1990, a university classmate visited Beijing and took me to a former classmate's home. This former classmate was originally the leader of my classmate’s workplace unit, having graduated from the same department of the same university over 20 years ago and subsequently promoted to a national ministry due to his outstanding abilities. At this former classmate's house, I met his daughter, who was under 20 years old and extraordinarily beautiful, so much so that I dared not look directly at her. What was even worse was her immense arrogance, naturally making me dare not entertain any thoughts about her, as it would surely invite unnecessary trouble (later, I learned that my talented classmate had previously attempted to pursue her but was cruelly rejected). After visiting a clothing store managed by her, my classmate and I parted ways.
After a profound conversation lasting four hours, my classmate greatly appreciated me and decided to introduce his cousin to me. He said, "My cousin is both beautiful and talented, with an elegant demeanor. If she walks down the corridor of your workplace, she would certainly attract everyone's attention!" He firmly stated, "Only you are worthy of my cousin, and only my cousin is worthy of you. I'll arrange for her to come to Beijing and meet you after I return." He instructed me to wait for her and not pursue other girls. In my heart, I thought that the fourth girl destined by fate, my true wife, must be her. After all, my classmate was a highly arrogant person, yet he insisted on introducing his cousin to me—wasn't this destined by fate? After returning home, my classmate informed me that his cousin also wanted to come to Beijing and meet me, so I eagerly awaited the day I would see her, imagining various scenarios. However, over a month passed, and she was unable to come to Beijing due to various engagements, while I, once again, was sent on a business trip to Shenzhen, which would last for several months. Before leaving, the beautiful daughter of my former classmate called me (I had previously informed her that I would soon be traveling to Shenzhen on a business trip), asking me to observe the popular clothing styles and colors in Shenzhen as she planned to purchase goods there.
Having no knowledge of the fashion industry, upon arriving in Shenzhen, I wandered around various places but couldn't discern the prevailing trends amidst the colorful crowds. Thus, I wrote her a letter, asking her where I should go and how I should observe. At this point, I was still thinking about my classmate's cousin, so the letter was brief, with a clear purpose and no ambiguous language.
She quickly replied, stating that she also didn't know where to observe or how to do so. At the end of her letter, she mentioned that while writing at noon, the cicada sounds outside her window were extremely loud, preventing her from taking a nap. Initially, I didn't intend to reply, but seeing her dislike for cicada sounds puzzled me, prompting me to write another letter advising her. I mentioned that ancient scholars said, “Cicada sounds make the forest quieter, bird songs make the mountain more secluded.” Cicada sounds are elegant, so why did she dislike them? I thought it was unnecessary...
This slightly instructive tone brought me trouble, as she immediately sent another letter. Later, she told me that over the years, she had countless admirers, all of whom flattered her in every possible way. Yet, here I was, an insignificant guy, seemingly showing disdain for her, which infuriated her. Determined to thoroughly conquer me and make me fall deeply in love with her, she then planned to resolutely "dump" me, causing me unbearable pain!
Her letters (self-named "Rain Dream Fairy") clearly showed effort, as they vividly described the autumn winds, rains, and scenery of Beijing, along with her feelings, profoundly moving. At this moment, my knowledge of psychology came into play. I vaguely realized she was challenging me, thinking, "Ha! So you're challenging me, huh?" Thus, I countered by writing about my experiences in Shenzhen and my worldview and philosophy of life. Having undergone rigorous philosophical and classical literary training (hoping to engage in literary creation since high school, attempting to write "The Biography of Mao Zedong" upon entering university, though I didn't enroll in the Chinese Literature Department due to choosing science in high school), I considered myself superior to ordinary Chinese Literature students (with published works), and my writing was undoubtedly far superior to hers (who was merely an amateur expert). Moreover, my ability to write love letters was extraordinary, having written many for friends (many of whom successfully formed relationships because of them). Friends joked that "I could make any girl fall in love with me through letters, but if I didn't write, no girl would fall for me."
Since meeting my classmate's cousin was continuously delayed, I now had ideas about her, and my letters to her had a clear purpose—to conquer her. Every word, every sentence in my letters carefully considered her reactions, aiming to make her fall in love with my writing, my thoughts, my soul (as my appearance alone would never captivate her).
Unfortunately, after exchanging just four more letters, we both simultaneously fell for each other. She was unable to achieve her initial "sinful purpose" because she herself had fallen deeply in love. It was her first genuine infatuation with a boy, and rationality played no role. Later, she told me that due to the numerous admirers around her (many of whom were more outstanding than me), she became extremely arrogant, raising the threshold for falling in love higher and higher, leading to her inability to feel anything for anyone. She even considered writing something, sealing it in a bottle, and throwing it into the sea, promising to marry whoever picked it up. Somehow, I inexplicably stirred her emotions, and her attempts to resist only made her fall deeper. This was evident in the poems she later wrote: "Phone/ dialed and hung up/hung up and dialed/dialed and hung up again...", clearly reflecting her subtle state of wanting to call me yet fearing my mockery.
And I, naturally, was in a similar situation but had already sensed that she was likely to be my fourth, meaning my true wife had appeared! This can be seen in the two Ci poems ("Linjiangxian") I wrote before and after falling in love with her:
Before:
At the ferry crossing of Jiangcun in the north of Guangzhou, there were so many romances back then. The water of the Liuxi River flowed with sorrow. Distant mountains held the setting sun, and fishing boats still floated as usual.
Who made the fish compete in the water? Hundreds of sandpipers were startled into flight. Doubting the cold reached the White Apple Isle. Grass insects chirped in the solitary inn at night, and wind and rain marked the late autumn.
After:
Wandering the rivers and lakes year after year, I fear passing through the Mid-Autumn Festival every year. Choosing secluded and dark paths, I wander away from people. Gracefully, she hasn't yet appeared, and the years flow helplessly.
A smile reveals that heaven has intentions; the clouds disperse when the moon becomes full. The fragrance first imprints on the sunset tower. The night of the waning moon and morning breeze, and I am unaware of sorrow.
Later, I returned to Beijing, and we finally met. The context had entirely changed, and everything was wonderfully perfect. During our private meetings, we rarely went out (eating instant noodles for all three meals in a day), because we both felt that every minute spent apart was wasted. Every second was filled with happiness, and we addressed each other as husband and wife. I thanked heaven for sending her to me, and this gratitude led me to decide to research the origins of human physical beauty (sad for the unattractive women struggling to gain men's love), naively hoping to make every man handsome and every woman beautiful through my efforts, enabling everyone to experience love and happiness like mine (though unfortunately, these endeavors bore no fruit). It was during this time that I composed the series of Ci poems "Wang Jiang Nan - To My Wife."
However, her mother strongly opposed her relationship with me, eventually leading to her father's disapproval as well. They were both well aware that among her admirers, almost anyone randomly chosen would be more outstanding than me. One young boss in the car parts business even offered me 200,000 yuan (my monthly salary was less than 100 yuan at the time) to leave her, as she genuinely believed that I was the only real man in the world. My colleagues at work all thought it was like a beautiful flower being placed on cow dung, and many boys even reported my past romantic escapades to her behind my back. But she sternly warned them, "What he did before is none of my business, and you don't need to say any more about his past."
As for me, I also believed that she was the only truly adorable woman in the world. I informed my classmate that there was no need for his cousin to come to Beijing anymore. Later, this very close classmate cut off all contact with me.
Once again, I went on a business trip to Shenzhen. Before leaving, I demanded that she promise me never to go to any dance halls and only wear simple, modest clothing that covered her body properly, meaning to minimize "risks" and avoid any makeup, including lipstick. She agreed to all of this (to this day, she has never worn skirts above the knee). At the time, Shenzhen was described as "full of beauties, love everywhere." Powerful friends there always invited me to eat at Gangxia Food Street. Those who visited this street in those years would know that at dusk, driving into the street, thousands of beautifully dressed women would flood in like a tidal wave, creating a spectacular scene that was breathtaking. As soon as you opened your car door, it was hard to get out within a few minutes due to the swarm of women. Entering any restaurant was difficult without bringing along a few women. It had become fashionable to assign a beautiful woman to each guest, whose payment was uniformly handled by the host. Private rooms had inner chambers equipped with beds and other items. During meals, watching my friends openly flirt and joke with women in their arms and couples going in and out of the inner chambers made me uncomfortable and unable to adapt. Not only did their "two white arms pillow a thousand people, and their red lips taste ten thousand guests" fail to evoke any favorable feelings in me, but I had also lost interest in any other woman. Each time, I took out my friend's "big brother big" (mobile phone, priced over ten thousand yuan, equivalent to over 200,000 yuan today) to call my fairy, confessing everything I encountered.
A few months later, an even crueller event occurred. Her parents threatened to sever ties with her (they believed my constant wandering made me unstable, which was enough to indicate that I couldn't bring her happiness. My wandering continued for five years after our marriage, and due to daily long-distance calls and letters, all my income went to the telecommunications department, leaving behind over 600 love letters), forcing her to break off relations with me. After her firm refusal, her mother hit her for the first time in her life. She decided to leave home. By then, I had been stationed in Sanya, Hainan, for six months. Without consulting me, she resigned from her position as manager of a clothing store with over 30 employees (if she had continued until today, I'm confident she would have become a prominent figure in the business world) and came to Sanya. I asked her why she did this, and she handed me a card, on which she wrote a few lines: "Accompanying you to the ends of the earth / Crossing thousands of mountains, with you, there's a home / Accompanying you to the ends of the earth / Trampling years and months, black hair turns white..."
We decided to officially get married. Due to the promotion of late marriage at the time and her age being under 20, we found special connections to secretly register, and she officially became my wife. Our wedding was simple, atop a mountain in my hometown at sunrise, with just the two of us facing east, kneeling down, and vowing to stay together for life.
Later, I formally transferred her to my workplace (this gave us an advantage for housing allocation two years later). After enduring long-term poverty, nine years after our marriage, she finally agreed for me to "venture into business" and start a company (she always opposed it because she believed that men with money would go bad, so she said she'd rather beg with me than see me become wealthy), allowing us to live comfortably.
We waited until twelve years after our marriage to have children because she insisted that the arrival of a child would eliminate the romance between us.
Now, seventeen years have passed, proving that she is indeed the best woman in the world for me. Despite my worldly pleasures leading to a sense of "having seen the vast ocean," I aspire to reach the highest realm of life—the religious realm—as advocated by Hongyi Master, embracing