The Life-and-Death Romance of a Leftover Woman
That year, I was 28 years old. All my female classmates and girlfriends were already married, but I still hadn’t found a partner, let alone been in love. I was extremely anxious. Every night, I dreamed about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I wished I could just grab a man off the street and get married right away. As one of my classmates put it: "Eager to get married but can't find a partner." I often cursed under my breath, cursing men for being so superficial. Back when I was young and beautiful, I didn’t want a boyfriend, but they swarmed around me like flies. Now that I’m not yet an old maid, just with a few wrinkles, they avoid me like the plague.
Even more infuriatingly, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. I said I was an old maid, and he actually replied, "Old is old, but are you even a girl?" It made me so angry I wanted to spit blood. At that moment, I thought: Why are women like vegetables? Once they’re old, they're worthless. I also blamed myself. Why didn’t I think about this when I was young and beautiful? Back then, I thought men were all worthless, and I dismissed them with a snort when they pursued me. Now that I'm older, I suddenly see every man as a treasure. Whenever I thought about these things, I became so anxious I couldn't sleep. I felt like the times had changed, and I'd been left behind, discarded by society.
To find a partner, I tried everything those two years. I showed a lot of sincerity, but fate wasn’t kind. I went on blind dates dozens of times, but none of them caught my eye. You might say it's strange. Although I went on many blind dates, I never gave up—not because I didn’t feel discouraged, but because I couldn’t afford to give up since I hadn’t found the right person yet. Until one day, I completely lost hope. Someone introduced me to another late bloomer. The code word for our meeting was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand, and for him to carry a bottle of beer in his right. We were supposed to meet on the overpass at the Zijin Mountain Department Store. You might say discriminating against late bloomers shouldn’t be done this way, so after that, I stopped going on blind dates altogether.
At that time, the internet was becoming increasingly popular. Encouraged and promoted by newspapers, television, magazines, and all sorts of media, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Because of work, I had no choice but to learn how to use computers. Who would have thought that once I learned, I discovered chat rooms—a perfect place to pass the time. Thus, I immersed myself in them wholeheartedly. There, I could forget all the troubles in my life, forget the arduous task of finding a partner, and breathe freely and easily without any constraints. I could pretend to be a pure little girl, babble nonsense, make the gentlemen type furiously on their keyboards chasing after me, and then disappear. I could also pretend to be a fake Mr., tangle with those called Silk Stockings Miss or Weird Girl, and occasionally encounter someone sincere to whom I could confide my worries without reservation. Although I bought a computer specifically for going online, I only treated the internet as a tool for leisure and entertainment, not expecting anything from it. However, who would have thought that shortly after starting to go online, I found a partner online, beginning my emotional journey, and also my first emotional investment at the age of 28. In this virtual world, perhaps the heart of an old maid is more easily moved.
One day, I chose the name 'Apricot' and entered the 'Boundless Sky' chat room on the Business Capital Information Harbor. It was lively there. A user named 'Sunshine Girl' was telling someone named 'Scum', "Scum, scum, I love you. I won't hit you or curse you; I'll carve you to death with my knife of love." Another user named 'Red Vine Wrapped Around a Tree' told 'Mummy', "A wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine not as good as a prostitute, a prostitute not as good as a courtesan, a courtesan not as good as stealing, stealing not as good as failing to steal, failing to steal not as good as imagining, ..." A monk was saying, "Here we sell friendship, stories, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and alcohol. What do you want?" A fake moderator kept posting messages: "We're preparing for a gathering. Please bring cash, prepare your drinking capacity, cosmetics, hurry up, details inside." A user named 'Old K' was telling 'Flowing Hair' "Gently, I lay you on the bed, gently lifted your skirt, gently took off your underwear, gently kissed your face, then gently told you: Baby, it's time to change the diaper!" Flowing Hair spat on Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized, "Sorry, I was wrong. I tried to crash into tofu and hang myself with noodles, but both failed. What should I do?" Flowing Hair replied, "I am happy because you are happy, I am cheerful because you are cheerful, I am worried because you are thin, I laugh because you are fat, I am rich because I sold you—this is my pig-raising experience." Old K replied, "There are six kinds of eggs in the world: chicken lays eggs, explosive ones are bombs, those reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are stupid, those angry are dumb, and those cursing are bastards." Seeing this, Flowing Hair kicked Old K and cursed him with "NQS, 285" (Go die, idiot) and ignored him ever since. No matter how much Old K spoke, she wouldn’t reply, instead chatting with the monk. Feeling bored, Old K issued a fake imperial decree: "By the emperor's order: Since you ignore me, you are punished to not defecate for three days, and if you do, you cannot use paper, and the paper cannot exceed three feet, until you suffocate! So ordered."
As I laughed at this, a user named 'Missile' came in and immediately started arguing with someone named 'Laugh歪歪'. He asked why Laugh歪歪 didn't show up as agreed. Apparently, Laugh歪歪 was a woman, and she started cursing Missile for being a liar. Watching them argue happily, I asked Laugh歪歪 what happened. It turned out they met online, and Missile described himself beautifully, claiming to be charming and cultured, a big boss. But when they finally met, she realized he was nothing like that, so she ignored him and walked away. As I listened to Laugh歪歪 tell her story, Missile started talking again. Calmly, he claimed he didn't lie, he just understated his self-introduction, explaining each word as follows:
"I am a mature man (58 years old), tall and strong, everyone says I have an elder brother vibe (my height resembles Wu Song's elder brother). My business is somewhat successful, I'm a decent boss (owning a cold drink stall). Wherever I go, I carry a notebook (a paper notebook recording phone numbers and daily income), my car isn't too good, but it's wider than a Lincoln (I take public transportation every day). Years of influence from Henan University shaped my cultural taste (because I sold cold drinks inside Henan University). In my spare time, I study ancient Chinese history, especially Qing history (my favorite TV drama is 'Princess Huanzhu'). I keep up with trends (I know which cold drinks sell well this year). Because I often deal with high society, I feel very annoyed (the president of Henan University always tells me: no stalls allowed on campus!). So I often check the situation below (have to set up stalls in other small places). My requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as the other person is taller than me). Dear, come here, and I will treat you to lots of ice cream (of course, the ice cream that didn't sell and is about to melt). When you see me for the first time, you will be very satisfied! (I guess you probably won't look at me a second time!).
While I was enjoying this exchange thoroughly, a user named 'Ugly Man' started talking to me, asking me to guess a riddle: "Pig’s butt has two drops of water, guess a song title." I guessed for a while but couldn't figure it out, so I asked him for the answer, which turned out to be 'Your Face With Tears Streaming Down.' I was so angry I wanted to spit blood and replied, "You look creative, living with courage. Ugliness is not your intention, it's God's mood swing. Be brave, live on, if you weren't here, how could the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him, thinking he would run out of things to say. Unexpectedly, he replied, "You're beautiful, beautiful, kangaroo arms, elephant legs, bear head, rabbit mouth, donkey ears, eight-shaped eyebrows, arms crossed, legs folded, crying and screaming for a beauty pageant." I was speechless and couldn't respond. I sent him a "285" (go die, idiot) and ignored him. He pestered for a while, then left. I stayed there watching others talk. That's when I saw a user named 'Xiaoluo' come in. I noticed him because of his name. In this special place, all sorts of names exist: Super Cabbage II—Cabbage and Butterfly, but there were no common names from daily life. He was silent for a while, then asked, "Who among you with a happy family wants to chat?" Seeing this, my heart resonated deeply. Compared to Old K, Ugly Man, and phrases like "if you're not a beauty, don't talk to me," or "are there ladies who want to be mistresses?", this sentence was far more meaningful. I responded, "Longing for plums to quench thirst," because I was a single man. He replied, "Plums hang on the tree, longing is futile." I said, "Longing is useless, forgetting is hard, suffering is self-inflicted, longing is worse than forgetting." He responded, "Longing, forgetting, netting..." And thus, we chatted aimlessly and casually, continuing well into the night. I felt we got along well, but I didn't expect to chat with him again. Unexpectedly, the next evening, we met again and continued our random chatter.
After that, on the third, fourth... nights, we became regulars in this chat room. Others like Old K, Clear Beauty, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, Green Worm also frequently visited. Sometimes we all chatted together on a topic, but mostly we paired up freely. I chatted with Xiaoluo more. Although I wasn't an experienced internet user, I typed fast and was particularly witty once online, making many seasoned users no match for me. They struggled to come up with sentences, which often frustrated me. But I found Xiaoluo different—he typed fast, reacted quickly, and wrote beautifully. For example, when I asked him his age, he asked me mine. I said I had one leg longer than the other, he said he had one eye bigger than the other. I introduced myself: "A girl, currently 28 years old, wearing a white shirt, black pants, and size 45 black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter quickly." He replied: "A man, currently 28.5 years old, small eyes, big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Anyone interested, please contact me quickly. Contact number: 1234567."
In this light-hearted banter, we slowly got to know each other better. Gradually, I learned he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both late bloomers, we shared more common ground and topics. We even talked about our experiences with blind dates. He told me about one where he met a girl at the park entrance, and they initially got along well. They entered the park to get to know each other better, but as they walked, the girl's high heel broke. She was embarrassed, unable to walk properly, and didn't want to tell him. He, absorbed in showing off his knowledge, didn't notice. Seeing his lack of sensitivity, the girl sat down on a bench and refused to move. He kept talking to himself, oblivious, until he finished and asked a question, realizing she was gone. He searched everywhere but couldn't find her and had to return home to ask the matchmaker. Upon learning the truth, he wanted to arrange another meeting, but the girl said that meeting her for the first time with such an incident meant their future path wouldn't be smooth, so he had to give up. His mother blamed him for days, saying he was too careless, and no girl would want to marry such a clumsy man.
I told him about my worst blind date, where I ended up with a bald man. Not only did I see him wearing a wig, but his face was full of pimples, looking worse than Li Huozi. I was furious and confronted the matchmaker, who defended him by saying he only lacked hair on top, but was already a section chief and about to be promoted to deputy director. He accused me of judging people by appearance and not recognizing true worth, leaving me speechless.
As time passed, we became closer. I learned he had four family members and a younger brother, so I jokingly called them two monks. Knowing I had two sisters, he didn’t call us three nuns but joked that our family was like Zhu Bajie's in-laws, and he looked like Zhu Bajie. His words made me blush and feel flustered, unknowingly drawing us into our roles.
Once, he said, "The cute you stole my feelings, robbed my heart. I decided to sue you in court. The judge ruled you must accompany me for life." His words made my heart race.
After a brief silence, he said he wanted to call me, and I silently agreed. Unexpectedly, when the phone rang, and I picked it up with trembling hands, the voice on the other end was so standard, so melodious and magnetic, I had never heard such a pleasant male voice. In my quiet little room, his voice seemed to come from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was so enchanted, almost feeling weightless and transparent, unaware of time and place. Remembering once I asked him about his profession, he said information dissemination. I asked if he was a journalist, he said no. I asked if he worked at the telecommunications bureau, he said no. I asked if he worked for a newspaper or magazine, he said no. Then I guessed the TV station, and when I guessed broadcaster, he sent several smiley emojis. At that moment, his excellent voice made me sure he was a broadcaster, and later facts confirmed I was right.
People are often like this. Before hearing his voice, although we chatted well and had great chemistry, it still felt like something was missing. But after hearing his voice and talking on the phone, my feelings changed. He even sent me an email:
"Our relationship, under the correct policies of the telecommunications bureau and the warm care of computer merchants, has developed healthily for a month. This is mainly reflected in:
"One, we've chatted many times, for quite some time, and understand each other quite well.
"Two, we live in the same city, having a realistic foundation.
"Three, I am a bachelor, and so are you, we are the same kind.
"These three points fully demonstrate that after a month of interaction, we have reached a consensus in our feelings. Our main feelings are mutual understanding and care. We are equal and mutually beneficial. Of course, any thing has two sides, and the existence of flaws is inevitable. There is still a gap in our enthusiasm, but these are flaws in progress. I believe that in the new month, we will continue to develop our strengths, overcome our weaknesses, push forward, and create a new situation for our relationship..."
"Therefore, I propose three points for your reference: one is to focus on love; two is to emphasize closeness; three is to implement unity.
"Let's carry forward the spirit of unity, perseverance, and strive to elevate our feelings, striving for a new height and a new level. Based on the principle that our feelings are built by us, and built for each other, let's create brilliance together.
"You are the book, I am the cover; you are the mouse, I am the cat; you are the wood, I am the glue; you are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so good, what else is unclear?"
Yours,
Little L
Monkey Year Horse Month
As time passed, besides online communication, we exchanged other contact methods. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I wasn't online by 8 PM, my phone would ring three times on schedule, and I would drop everything to rush online to see Xiaoluo. We often started chatting at 8 and sometimes continued until 3 or 4 AM without wanting to log off. The real midnight was quiet, and the online midnight was no longer noisy or crowded. But often at such times, some unsavory words emerged like hungry wolves howling in the night, making my scalp tingle and feeling nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of the room scared me, but with Xiaoluo by my side, fear made me feel his reliability and safety even more. Unconsciously, I had come to rely on him as my emotional support.
In the midnight chat room, Xiaoluo often stroked my long hair and whispered in my ear: "Baby, though I haven't seen you yet, your soul is so pure and beautiful." In the silence and darkness of the night, his tender and wholesome words often made my cheeks flush, my ears burn, and my heart race. Through space and time, I felt purity, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some modern types who seek intimacy upon first meeting, I appreciated Xiaoluo's cuteness and nobility even more, trusting and depending on him even more. I told him I wasn't pretty, and he said beautiful girls don't necessarily bring happiness