Assuming there is a formula for lasting marital love, would you follow it? Of course. Who wouldn't want to experience the feeling of having an enduring and unchanging love? After conducting research, American scholar Catherine Johnson listed out the equation for long-lasting marital love. Catherine said: I enjoy watching middle-aged and elderly couples dance gracefully at various wedding dances, their mutual trust and passion evident in their eyes. Why are their marriages so happy, their lives so ideal? What is their secret? Health.
How to make your marriage happier and more enduring
Catherine met with 100 such couples, the shortest marriage duration being 7 years, and the longest being 55 years. Below are the common formulas these couples possess for their enduring love.
Intimacy Formula
Out of the 100 couples I have met, the majority became intimately close immediately after meeting. They felt an irresistible affection, longing to be together and share life.
Harmony and Consideration: This intimate relationship includes a harmonious and thoughtful friendship, based on shared passions as well as differences between each other. One wife proposed an interesting point of view, saying: Happy marriages come from two people who are opposite in personality but consistent in fundamental situations. Her husband was naturally optimistic, while she was introverted and pessimistic. However, their shared hometown and religious beliefs made her fall for his charm, and him for her delicacy.
Sharing Formula
One spouse makes breakfast, the other takes the dog for a walk, and after breakfast, the couple reads the morning paper together. Almost all couples with stable relationships live like this. Although these trivial matters themselves may not bring happiness, they inject trust and a sense of responsibility into the marriage.
Ideals and Goals: Happy couples strive to improve their homes. They work together to buy a farm or a shop. Regardless of what their goals are, the joint effort towards achieving them can make the marriage shine.
Empathy Formula
Couples whose love ends abruptly rarely argue, and even if they do get angry due to conflicts, they handle it correctly. Of course, their ways of solving problems vary. Some couples resolve conflicts on the same day, others let it rest overnight and deal with it calmly the next day, some shout, some stay silent. One couple came up with a method to avoid arguments - if one says something upsetting, the other will call out: "The train has derailed!"
Mocking each other as partners is common, but it has adverse effects. Encouraging each other yields much better results.
Agreement and Expectations: Sometimes, despite their efforts, they still end up in big arguments, and one or the other leaves the room. The wife said: "If I go out, I'll be back in no more than 5 minutes. We don't even need to say sorry because we're both very happy, and we come back together." This couple uses this method to avoid further arguments; one party stepping away halfway reminds the other of their agreement and their beautiful expectations for marriage.
Nurturing Formula
When spouses focus their attention on each other's strengths, their marriage becomes nourished. This does not mean that both parties must be optimists; they could also be pessimistic, irritable, or melancholic individuals.
Optimistic realism is one of the characteristics of a perfect marriage. Mature marital love means accepting the reality that we all have flaws. Being a realist means recognizing that marriage has its ups and downs, smooth times and tough times. Instead of complaining, it's better to face them.
Hope and Expectations: Positive hope plays a significant role. Those who are best at finding their partner's strengths develop the best relationships and have the best expectations for their partners. When we like someone, we see our best selves in their eyes.
Change Formula
Many happy couples understand the need for change. They say: they have changed since getting married, and they all feel they have become better, and their partners agree with this point. Unexpectedly, many happy couples have gone through marital crises, but their marriages survived and became increasingly perfect.
For the development of love, some things must be sacrificed, but no one requires the abandonment of personal development. The key is to assess the room for change. One party's change may temporarily shake the status quo of the relationship, but in fact, it serves as an encouragement to the other party.
Faith and Belief: Believing that your spouse will change certain shortcomings helps maintain the marriage. In fact, people do change. It should be believed that people cannot remain unchanged, and a good marriage can help improve one's love.
Understanding Formula
Spouses need to maintain a strong, vibrant, flawless, and pure sexual relationship.
The essence of love mainly builds upon sex. No matter how frequent or intense the conflicts between you are, when the marital relationship progresses, you realize the importance of his humor and optimism, her encouragement and consideration for you.
Sincerity and Honesty: For most couples, maintaining loyalty to your spouse does not necessarily make the marriage happy, but it does make the marriage possible. Clearly, loyalty is the most basic requirement between spouses, so it allows you to align with your partner’s needs, making it easier for you to candidly talk to him, which not only helps him express his feelings but also makes him feel understood by you.
Equality Formula: Generally, couples in their forties and fifties no longer argue over who is in charge, even if they once did. Conflicts may still arise, but they are not about power and status. In their minds, whatever they do, their efforts are considered important. When you start considering and caring more about your relationship, you will receive more returns from each other.
Arrangement and Equality: The equality in happy couples is most clearly reflected in financial management. Without exception, every happy couple said that family income is theirs collectively, neither his nor hers, and they never argue over financial arrangements.
Friendship Formula
Happy marriages consider their spouse as their closest friend. However, if their relationship sometimes lacks sufficient mutual trust and peace, then formal arrangements should be made for what needs to be done. Active planning leads to positive spousal outcomes.
Pursuit and Respect: Among these friends with long-lasting marriages, the wife can freely pursue her own ideals. She knows that her husband's love and respect for her are unconditional, regardless of whether he understands her choices. Conversely, the husband's decisions are treated the same way.