A Comprehensive Collection of Chinese Translations for Google Products with a Twist

Here’s the translation into English, maintaining a similar playful tone:

Google - Gu Ge (Valley Brother)

Gmail - Gu Mei'er (Valley Sister)

Google Adsense - Gu Ge ai ta san chi (Valley Brother loves her three feet shorter)

Google Adwords - Gu Ge Ai De Wo Er Zi (Valley Brother loves my son)

Google Trends - Gu Ge Chan Zi (Valley Brother gives birth to a child)

Google Scholar - Gu Ge Si Kao Le (Valley Brother is deep in thought)

Gtalk - Ji Tao Ke (Chicken escapes class)

Google Talk - Gu Ge Tao Ke (Valley Brother escapes class)

Froogle - Fu Gu Gou (Groin area)

Google Local - Gu Ge Lao Kou (Valley Brother is stingy)

Google Reader - Gu Ge Lei De (Valley Brother gets tired)

Google YouTube - Gu Ge Yao Tu (Valley Brother wants to throw up)

Google Earth - Gu Ge Er Si (Valley Brother dies)

Google Mars - Gu Ge Ma Si (Valley Brother's horse dies)

Google News - Gu Ge Niu Si (Valley Brother's cow dies)

Google Maps - Gu Ge Mai Si (Valley Brother's wheat dies)

Google Catalogs - Gu Ge Kan Ta Lao Ge Si (Valley Brother watches his older brother die)

Google Images - Gu Ge Yi Mei Ji Si (Valley Brother's aunt and sister get jealous and die)

This is a humorous take on the phonetic similarities between Chinese names and Google services. Keep in mind that this is more of a creative wordplay rather than an official translation!