I sat in the taxi ready to go back to school, but all I could think about was Mijia. That day, Mijia had already made things clear with him, so why was he still纠缠ing her? If this continues, will he keep纠缠ing Mijia forever? Am I causing trouble for Mijia now?
I suddenly felt uneasy but tried to remain calm. I touched my hat and looked out of the car window at the quickly receding scenery. The driver seemed to be a man of few words, focusing solely on driving. It wasn't until we stopped that I spoke to him: "Sir, the fare."
"Wait, here's your change," said the driver, whose voice was pleasant but cold. I couldn't help but examine the driver; he looked young, but why did he become a driver? Never mind, why should I care so much? Everyone has the right to seek their own dreams, and besides, I have no relation to him. Why should I care?
When I returned to the dormitory, Mijia was curled up in her blanket shivering. I climbed onto my bed and patted her. "Mijia, are you okay?" Mijia didn't seem to hear me, continuing to shiver and muttering to herself: "Yilie, it's all a misunderstanding... please believe me..." She was still thinking about An Yilie! I urged her: "Mijia, you two have already parted ways, do you understand? Don't live in the past anymore!" But she didn't respond to me, just kept muttering to herself.
Instinctively, I touched her forehead — she was indeed running a fever! No wonder she was so delirious. I quickly helped Mijia sit up. In these four years, she had never been sick and was always strong. This time, it must be because of An Yilie!
"Mijia? Mijia? Wake up, don't sleep!" I slapped her cheeks, but Mijia ignored me, continuing to talk to herself. I had no choice but to forcefully help her off the bed, almost making her fall! Fortunately, she landed on the lower bunk, which had padding around it to prevent accidents if someone rolled off the upper bunk.
Mijia landed safely on that padding, so she was fine. I used all my strength to carry Mijia out of the dormitory and down the stairs. For the first time, I felt warmth — originally, I only knew cold, but now I finally understood what heat felt like. Mijia, it's all thanks to you. Though it carried a somewhat ironic tone.
We easily reached the taxi, and I helped Mijia sit properly in the seat. Out of breath, I said: "Go… go to the nearest hospital!" The driver nodded and started driving.
Mijia kept talking non-stop, all about An Yilie. I looked at her, Mijia, do you like him that much? Then, was everything I did today wrong? Thinking about this, I hardened my resolve. Since Mijia likes him, then I'll help her achieve happiness.
I took out Mijia's phone (Mijia often let me keep her phone), found "Yilie," and immediately pressed the green button. In no time, the other side answered hurriedly: "Mijia, have you thought it through?" I was confused: "Hello?"
"Not Mijia. Sorry! Is there something you need from me?" "Mijia is running a fever now and keeps calling your name. Please come and stay with her. What I said today, I take it all back. Please treat her well; she's a good girl." "What?! Which hospital is she in?!"
"We're heading to XX Hospital. Please treat her well." ...
After finishing the call, I looked at Mijia's sleeping face. Mijia, do you think this can recover anything? If our feelings can indeed be mended, please cherish them. I don't want to see you cry again. I know how painful that is, and if you experience that pain again, I won't let An Yilie off easily. In the hospital, Mijia was receiving an IV drip while I sat by her bedside waiting for An Yilie. I wanted to personally witness how they reconciled. I wanted to see if An Yilie would also make solemn vows, and if he did, I'd watch him fulfill them!
After a while, An Yilie appeared, out of breath, and seeing Mijia unconscious, rushed over to her side. Just as he was about to hold her hand, I immediately stopped him: "Hey! That hand is still getting dripped on!" Luckily, I reminded him in time. He then held the other hand and kept staring at Mijia. "Why does she have a fever?" His voice carried some anger.
I shrugged: "I went to your place and when I returned to the dorm, I saw Mijia shivering, so I rushed her to the hospital. Hey, what exactly happened between you two today? Did you threaten Mijia?" An Yilie saw my serious face and actually smiled: "It's a good thing Mijia has a friend like you." Confused, I looked at him, and then he explained in detail what had happened between him and Mijia today.
The gist of it was this: An Yilie also had a group of mischievous friends who suggested he use reverse psychology. They first kidnapped An Yilie and then threatened Mijia with something or other.
I listened without saying much. These people were really immature, but Mijia was young too, so she believed them. Good thing I regretted trying to separate them and decided to help them reconcile; otherwise, this perfect pair of Mijia and An Yilie would have been wasted.
Looking at An Yilie, he asked: "What?" I said very seriously: "Treat her well. If you can't give her what she needs, let go early. Otherwise, you'll leave an indelible pain." He looked at me, then at Mijia, and quickly nodded with a smile.
The sunset light filtered through the gaps in the curtains, scattering sparsely across Mijia. An Yilie kept smiling, and I pulled the curtain wide open, allowing the sunlight to fill the room. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, this was the taste of the sunset. Watching the deep red sun slowly disappear between one building and another, I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. The sunset in the city isn't bad.
Although this place is called Lin Yu, it is still a city, and that fact cannot be changed.
As the sunlight disappeared, lights lit up everywhere, neon lights flashing. I turned my gaze back inside the room where An Yilie was already asleep, leaning on the bedside. Sigh, he is going to be my brother-in-law, so I got a blanket from the nurse and covered him well. I didn't want to take care of two adults at once!
Looking at the IV drip, it was almost done, so I quickly went to call the doctor. The doctor gently removed the needle from Mijia's hand and pressed the cotton to stop the bleeding. The actions were light, as if even the slightest movement would wake the two of them. Not wanting to disturb the beautiful scene, I quietly left the ward, figuring Mijia would be yelling to be discharged tomorrow.
My stomach tightened, and I realized I hadn't eaten yet. Patting my stomach, I promised myself to treat it well since I still had plenty of pocket money, so I would eat something good.
Lin Yu's night began with its usual noise, but it was already unbearably loud. If I hadn't gotten used to living here, I might have left in anger. But actually, there are many beautiful things here, just waiting to be discovered.
After dinner, I also brought two boxed meals, unwilling to let the two upstairs starve.
Carrying the two boxed meals, it took a long time to reach Mijia's ward. An Yilie and Mijia were quietly kissing.
I burst into laughter, and both of them blushed and looked at me. I tilted my head slightly, "Mijia, can you be discharged tomorrow?" I wisely placed the boxed meals on the cabinet next to the bed. Mijia nodded vigorously and snatched one of the boxed meals to start eating ravenously.
An Yilie ate slowly, constantly looking at Mijia, his gaze burning Mijia until she choked. "Cough... cough..." Mijia put the boxed meal aside, patted her chest, her face red, and An Yilie patted her back: "You're such a fool, even choking on food." Mijia gave him a childish smile and continued coughing. They were so happy that it even affected me. I was smiling too.
"I won't disturb you two, I'm going back to the dormitory." I waved goodbye and turned to leave the ward, ignoring Mijia's shouts inside. I didn't want to be the third wheel; the hospital lights were bright enough.
The hospital wasn't far from the school dormitory, so I walked back. When crossing the zebra crossing, the red light was on, so I had to stop and stared hard at the red light, wishing it would turn green faster. But suddenly, I realized how childish my behavior was, so I blushed and shifted my gaze to the opposite side of the road. There, I saw a face that had appeared in my dreams countless times, smiling at me.
Qi Yu'an... why are you still coming after me? I felt my vision blur and touched my face, only to find that tears had already streamed down unknowingly. The green light came on, but I didn't cross. Qi Yu'an quickly crossed over and grabbed my small hand with his large one. It was warm, just like many years ago when he led me across the road, and I faintly smiled.
I never knew that crossing a road could take so long, as if several centuries had passed. He led me through the alleys, and I didn't ask where we were going, nor did I worry that he would harm me. It was a trust that couldn't be described. I could feel him smiling, his hands were still warm, but mine remained icy cold, no matter how much he tried to warm them.
"You're still so cold." His pleasant voice came from above, and I looked up, gazing at his back, and smirked bitterly: "So, did you remember your toy?" He gripped my hand tighter, causing a slight pain, then suddenly turned around, holding my face with both hands, and without a word, pressed his lips against mine.
A sudden electric current surged through my body, leaving me completely unresponsive!
In the noisy night, all passersby watched the couple kissing under the neon lights.
After a long while, I pushed him away forcefully, tears streaming uncontrollably: "Qi Yu'an! What do you think I am to you?!" He hugged me tightly and whispered lightly in my left ear: "You are the one I love, what do you think I consider you?" "But do you even realize? From the moment you left me, you ceased to be the one I loved." He was flustered, holding me tightly, and the faint scent of fresh grass entered my nose. He still smelled the same.
"Qi Yu'an, although most people would accept your love, I am no longer among those people." I pushed him away and ran off abruptly.
Shi Xiaomu, you're running away again! How can this be? Who was it that said to forget everything before? And now, who is weakly choosing to run away? Can you not think carefully about what to do? Stop being so disordered, can you? They are just parts of the past; why not regard them as good friends and be done with it? Why must you run away? As I ran, I didn't even know why, so I stopped, gasping for breath. Why, if you've abandoned me, don't come looking for me and let me forget you completely, isn't that better?
The bustling crowd, yet nothing enters my ears. My eyes involuntarily began replaying scenes from the past, like watching a movie, except the main characters were me and him.
At the orphanage, I was always alone, aloof, and no one wanted to be my friend, but I enjoyed the quietness.
Thirteen years old.
I remember that day, a couple came to the orphanage to adopt a child. They insisted on taking me home. I didn't say anything, just followed them coldly. Once at their home, I learned that they already had their own son, but they couldn't resist wanting a daughter. However, his mother had lost her reproductive ability due to a cesarean section. So, they had to adopt from the orphanage, and I didn't know why they chose me.
Honestly, I hated them, especially their son—Qi Yu'an, who always bullied me for no reason and deliberately flaunted his happiness in front of me, like pretending to be affectionate in front of his parents and proudly looking at me. I found it absurd; what fun was there in doing such things, how mature.
Until I was fourteen, one day at school, a boy confessed to me, and Qi Yu'an found out, asking me if I would accept the boy. At that moment, I had the idea to tease him, nodding and saying I would accept. Then he got angry, telling me to try accepting. I was just teasing him, so I didn't think much about it.
Later, by chance, he told me he liked me. Instantly, my heart raced, and mistakenly, I allowed him. Then he seemed like a different person, treating me gently, sometimes a little domineering, creating small sweetnesses and small romances.
He liked whispering those heartwarming words into my left ear, and I believed, helplessly believing in him.
In front of him, I was like a foolish child. He always called me an idiot, and I just agreed, admitting that I was a big idiot. I always admitted that any name he gave me, I would gladly accept, because I feared he would leave me, just like my parents. I had never met them, but I bore the burden of their supposed death, and I believed it was my fault.
Qi Yu'an said he would never leave me, unless I left him first.
I just smiled faintly, knowing I was destined to be left behind.
Every time I mocked myself, he would frown and stroke my hair, telling me never to do it again, because he would worry, he would feel pain. I felt warmth I had never experienced before, but my body temperature remained consistently icy. I said I was a cold-blooded creature. He said he would eventually warm me up, and suddenly, I felt an urge to cry. For fourteen years, no one had treated me like he did, only giving me cold looks. Only he was special.
That day, I cried, calling him a big idiot, but he smiled and said, "Finally, we belong to the same kind." My tears flowed even more. Qi Yu'an, why are you so good to me? Those peaceful years, I once possessed you, you smiled at me, caressed my hair, and I smiled back at you. Those days were the happiest times of my life.
"Qi Yu'an, I love you, just as you love me." That day, I told you that, but you feigned distress and said, "What should I do? I don't even know how much I love you. You saying this puts a lot of pressure on me." I laughed, giggling uncontrollably.
Back then, we were both too young, not realizing that at that time, neither of us had the right to talk about love or to love others, because we didn't even love ourselves.
Qi Yu'an, you gave me warmth, then gradually left. I didn't hate you, because I knew I was an unlikable child, not even liking myself. I didn't expect anyone to like me. But, Qi Yu'an, the warmth you gave me is something I deeply miss, and it took me a long time to barely let go of a little of it.
Since you left, why did you meet me? I cried.
During those days, my eyes were wet and red. Originally, everyone at the orphanage didn't like me much, and now they stayed even further away. The principal even made me live alone in a small room, not allowing me to wander around. That small room was broken and dilapidated, with wind blowing through at night and the roof creaking, making me worry if it would collapse.
But after worrying for a few nights, I gradually got used to it and began to slowly fall into depravity. That year, I was fifteen.
Corrupted for a year, everyone in City A knew a delinquent girl named Forest Mumu, all composed of wood characters. I didn't know why I suddenly came up with this name. During those days, every day was spent in memories or fighting, smoking, drinking. I didn't get tattoos because he said he didn't like them.
Each day was spent hating myself, attempting self-harm, but never succeeding. Miraculously, all the scars disappeared. I cried endlessly, wanting to blind myself, but even the tears dried up. I realized how bitter crying without tears could be!
...
Suddenly, the warmth in my hand pulled me back to reality. I looked at the owner of the hand, it was Qi Yu'an. When did he follow me?
"Mumu, no matter what happened before, I only have you. Or, we can start over!" His eyes were determined, and I looked at him. Seven years, he's been gone for seven years, and now he comes to bother me again. What am I to him?
I smirked bitterly: "Where were you when I needed you?! Now you come back just like that, what am I to you?! Do you think I'm someone special to you? Why should I grovel at your feet just because you want me, or cry in a corner when you don't want me?!" I couldn't help but swear, and Qi Yu'an just looked at me, silent, then hugged my trembling body.
About five or six minutes later, I pushed him away: "I have class tomorrow, sorry, I can't accompany you." Then I plunged into the silent crowd, running for about three minutes. Looking back, he was still standing there looking at me, unmoving. My bitter eyes moistened again.
Seeing me look back, Qi Yu'an hurriedly squeezed through the bustling crowd and caught up, hugging me again. I was too lazy to push him away.
"Mumu, I thought you would wait for me forever, so I left without hesitation. Mumu, you do miss me, right? Can we go back to how we were?" His voice trembled, and I didn't know how to respond, just breathing in the faint smell of grass on him.
"Mumu, I won't leave you again. Please don't walk away, alright?" He spoke to me for the first time like this, abandoning his pride. Although he used to be gentle, he had never spoken with such a pleading tone. My heart trembled, but I knew I didn't feel anything for him anymore. At best, I could only regard him as a brother, or perhaps as a familiar stranger.
"Qi Yu'an, I don't feel anything for you anymore. Stop deceiving yourself. You left, and I don't necessarily have to wait for you at the starting point. I don't know if you'll come back, and I don't have the right to make you return, so I moved on. I don't like you, let alone love you. Please respect yourself. There are so