The son asked his father: "Dad, why don't I have any brothers or sisters?" The father, who was reading a newspaper, became very angry after hearing this and shouted: "Who told you not to go to bed earlier?"
One day on a bus, a woman bought a ticket and left her seat temporarily. When she returned, she found another woman had taken her seat. Annoyed, she loudly complained: "Can't lay eggs, but quick to occupy the nest." The woman sitting in the seat heard this and immediately stood up with a smile: "Sorry, delayed your egg-laying!"
At the long-distance bus station during the National Day holiday, people were scrambling for seats. A girl cried out pitifully: "Stop pushing, my milk has been squeezed out!" Everyone stopped for a moment. I looked over and saw yogurt had burst, and four people had it on their clothes, including the girl's face!
On the bus, a beautiful young lady swiped her card. The card reader said: "Beeep~ Senior Citizen Card~" Everyone on the bus was stunned and looked at the young lady. She didn't seem to care and said: "What are you looking at? Have you never seen Tian Shan Tong Lao?" Chaos erupted on the bus... Then an old man hurriedly stood up and said: "Come, Auntie, please take my seat!"
One day on the bus, an 8-9 year old boy said to the little girl beside him: "Who says we can't predict the future? At least I know what my children's surname will be. But you're different; it's unknown what your children's surname will be!" The little girl replied without hesitation: "That's right! But my children will definitely be mine, while yours may not be..."
On the bus, a young mother was feeding her baby. The baby wasn't eating properly, so the young mother scolded the child: "Do you want to eat or not? If you don't, I'll give it to the uncle next to you!" She repeated this several times. The uncle beside her couldn't help but say: "My young master, please make up your mind, I've already passed two stops!"
One day, the father and son were on the bus. The son said: "Dad, if I say something, can you guess the name of the song?" The father said: "Sure, go ahead." "A fart, very powerful." The father thought for a long time and shook his head. The son said: "It's Power Train's 'When'." At this point, a little girl sitting in front turned around and said: "Wrong, it's Ku Kui-ki singing 'Very Loud' ('Good Want')." The father thought about what the kids were learning in school...
On the first day of Beijing's odd-even license plate restriction, the bus was extremely crowded. A guy wanted to get off the bus and pushed through the crowd, saying: "Excuse me, let me pass, I'm getting off!" The woman didn't move, so the guy pushed through and stepped on her. The woman cursed loudly: "You're crazy! You're crazy!" Her loud voice drew everyone's attention. The guy didn't say anything until he got off the bus and couldn't help but turn around and say: "You're a broken record!" Everyone on the bus burst into laughter... Later, a few funny kids kept reenacting the scene - one kid said: "You're crazy!" Another kid said: "You're a broken record!" The bus drove on as the kids twisted and turned. Later, a little girl wanted to get off the bus and timidly said: "I... I... want to get off, I'm not crazy!" Everyone on the bus burst into laughter again...
In the morning on the company shuttle, a colleague sitting next to me fell asleep and started snoring, drawing everyone's attention. I felt embarrassed for him and lightly nudged him. He mumbled: "Not today, honey..."
An uncle came to our house to drink with dad. After two pitchers of beer and a bottle of white wine, they started playing chess. Both were quite drunk, but dad was more intoxicated than the uncle, and his chess skills weren't as good either. However, the uncle had a smaller bladder and frequently went to the bathroom. Dad would take advantage of the uncle being in the bathroom to cheat by moving pieces... His actions were extremely underhanded, but he wasn't caught. After winning a few games, dad became even bolder and directly sat across from the chessboard... The uncle came back, stared at the chessboard for a while, and shook his head: "This chess game is really bad..."
A parrot ate Viagra, and its owner, worried about it getting too hot, put it in the fridge. Half an hour later, when the owner opened the fridge, the parrot was drenched in sweat. Confused, the owner asked why. The parrot sighed: "Damn hard work, that frozen chicken's legs are too difficult to pry open!"
1. I was watching TV on the sofa, and my wife, wrapped in a bath towel, sat on my lap and said flirtatiously: "Young sir, take me now!" I deliberately remained composed: "No no, young sir doesn't have money today!" My wife said: "What money? As long as I feel good, a promissory note will do!" I was dizzy... What kind of situation is this?! @Pengfu Network
2. I held my wife's chin with one hand and teased: "Girl, sing a song for young sir!" My wife slapped my hand and said: "Sir, please show some respect, I only sell my body, not my art!" Shocked... This hit the mark!
3. After taking a shower, I lay in bed reading a book. My wife came out of the bathroom and pounced on me, growling: "Hehe, handsome young man, I want to try fresh meat today!" I resisted fiercely. Seeing I wouldn't comply, my wife changed her tone and said sweetly: "Young sir, just give in to me..."
A tour bus was driving along winding mountain roads as it grew dark. A man woke up from his nap... Suddenly, he realized all the tourists were gone, even the driver had disappeared, yet the bus was still slowly driving along the mountain road! The man trembled and shouted: "There's a ghost! There's a ghost!" "You wish," suddenly a voice came from the window, "The car broke down, we're all pushing it below, and you're the only one sleeping."
One morning, my colleague and I were waiting for the bus and smoking. Next to us, a pretty girl was drinking soy milk and waiting for the bus too. My colleague joked: "Brother, where's your car?" I said: "It's being repaired." The pretty girl seriously looked at me. My colleague continued: "What happened?" I followed up: "That day, after dining with clients, I rear-ended a Mercedes-Benz." The girl continued listening intently. My colleague continued pretending: "Oh, how much will it cost? Let me find someone from the 4S shop for you, I know a few friends." I said: "Nah, a pedal won't cost much!" The girl sprayed soy milk all over the ground...
A friend was on the bus. On the bus, there was a couple and an elderly person holding a grandson sitting back-to-back. The girl's face was toward the outside, seemingly upset with her boyfriend, who kept coaxing her but to no avail, so he turned to the opposite child. "Little friend, you're so cute, how old are you?" "Three years old." "Do you think the sister next to me is pretty?" At this point, the girl turned around curiously to see how the child would answer. The child looked at the girl blankly and shook his head after a while. The man was petrified, the girl gave the man a glare, humphed, and turned away. The man was extremely embarrassed and tried to start a conversation: "Little friend, what relationship do you think I have with this sister?" The child looked at the man with a blank expression, then at the girl, and slowly said to the man: "You're her dad!!" Everyone on the bus burst into laughter.
Late at night, the last bus of the day was preparing to return to the depot. The driver looked back and saw a lady in white sitting in the last row. The driver continued driving, glanced in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, which startled him. He quickly slammed on the brakes and looked back, only to see her sitting there again. The driver, feeling uneasy, turned back and continued driving cautiously. He looked in the rearview mirror again, and the woman was gone. Startled, he braked hard again. Looking back, he saw the woman reappear. The driver was almost breaking down, sweating coldly, and turned back to continue driving. For the third time, he looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone again. The driver was completely broken down and braked hard again, but did not turn around. At this moment, the woman slowly walked up to him, her hair messy, her face covered in blood, dripping onto his feet. The driver's body stiffened, afraid to turn around and look at her. The woman spoke in a low voice: "Lady and gentleman have a grudge, every time I squat to tie my shoelaces, you slam the brakes, every time I squat to tie my shoelaces, you slam the brakes!"
On the bus, I was sitting in the front row by the window. Thirty minutes later, I stuck my head out the window. In the back row, there was also a guy sticking his head out the window. I shouted to him: "Pull your head back in." That guy clearly wasn't easy to deal with, glaring at me and saying: "Go away, it's none of your business." I pulled my head back in, and that guy did too. I turned around very politely and said to him: "Please don't stick your head out the window again." I stuck my head out the window again. That guy probably had a lot of self-respect, thinking, if you can stick it out, so can I, and stuck his head out the window again. I couldn't hold it in anymore, vomited, and dirtied his whole face. That guy screamed, and my muscular friend beside me said to that guy: "Why are you shouting? He warned you!"
Taking a fast express bus home, the air conditioning was set high, the car was stable and fast, so it was very comfortable. Everyone on the bus, men and women, were tired and leaned against their seats. In a daze, everyone was awakened by a super vicious stinky fart; everyone first frowned deeply, soon someone desperately covered their nose and mouth, as the concentration of the fart increased, everyone began to panic and glared at each other! Someone tried to open the window to ventilate, only to disappointedly discover it was futile because the windows were sealed... Everyone was challenging their endurance limits, finally someone couldn't hold it in and shouted: "Stop the car! I need to get off!" The driver said: "Highway, can't stop!" That person shouted again: "Please, I really can't hold it anymore!" The driver still ignored it. Finally, that person roared: "Then it's not my fault, I'm going to let out a loud one!"
On the bus, it was too crowded, too hot, and too stuffy. Someone let out a fart, worsening the environment. My friend couldn't bear it, but didn't know who did it, so there was nothing to be done. Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who hasn't bought a ticket?" My friend suddenly had an idea and shouted loudly: "The one who farted hasn't bought a ticket!" Suddenly, a particularly fat woman raised her ticket high and loudly said: "I've already bought a ticket!"
One day, a middle school girl brought her younger brother to take the bus. On the bus, there were also a few boys from another middle school. When the bus reached the suburbs, the younger brother saw two dogs mating. Being young and not knowing what was happening, he curiously asked his sister: "What are those two dogs doing?" The sister knew what was happening, but didn't want to corrupt the child, so she said: "They're fighting." At this point, the few boys from the other middle school heard and laughed loudly. The girl blushed and glared at them, and the boys said to the girl: "Look, what are you looking at? Do you want to fight?"
On the bus, a rather pretty girl suddenly yelled at a polite-looking young man: "Pervert!" It seemed the young man had touched her inappropriately. The young man looked very wronged and immediately countered. They began to argue... Shortly after, the girl yelled: "You're a big pervert, you were a pervert since you were young, you even turned around to look at your mom the moment you were born!" All the passengers heard this and first burst into laughter, then erupted in laughter. My colleague shook his head and said he'd never seen such cursing before, this was truly the ultimate curse, unmatched. The young man, after being cursed, opened his mouth but couldn't say a word. We all felt this was the ultimate curse, probably unprecedented and unparalleled, and indeed there was no harsher curse that could be used to counterattack. At this moment, suddenly the man loudly said: "You're the big pervert! You were looking at your dad three times a day while still in your mom's belly!" Everyone present fainted...
A man on the bus accidentally dropped a condom while looking for loose change! The man was extremely embarrassed, unsure whether he should pick it up or not. At this point, a nearby girl said: "Big brother, your little brother's uniform fell off!"
An old man took the bus to go to Orgasm Village for business, but he hadn't been there before, so he was worried about missing his stop and kept asking the ticket seller: "Sister, have we arrived at Orgasm yet?" The ticket seller finally couldn't hold it in and shouted at him: "You dead old man! Why so anxious! I'll shout when we arrive at Orgasm!"
It's said the old man was scared to death, the passengers all laughed to death, the ticket seller was ashamed to death, and the driver was wronged to death...
On the bus with my buddy, it was extremely crowded. I suddenly saw my buddy's neighbor auntie's face turning red. I signaled my buddy to take a look. My buddy looked and said: "That's a thief!" I asked: "How do you know?" He answered: "Because my pocket has no bottom, it's empty!"
In high school, there was a buddy in our class who wasn't big, but looked very old... Here's an incident that happened to him on the bus: In the second year of high school, this buddy took the bus to school. Because the journey was long, he was bored and chatting with a man around 35 years old next to him. The man opened with: "Big brother, where are you going?" This buddy, perhaps accustomed to such treatment, wasn't particularly surprised and calmly answered: "Third Middle School." The man's second sentence: "Oh, going to see your child? Children studying is tough..." The buddy twitched his face but didn't say anything. The third sentence: "Big brother, how old is your child?" The buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, casually saying: "First year of high school." At this point, the classic moment appeared. The man was extremely shocked, staring wide-eyed at the buddy for ten seconds, then said: "Big brother, you married quite late, huh!"
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