Summer is here.

by clihaihaib on 2011-09-22 19:00:44

And that thick stack of letter paper, on the day you handed it to me, I don't remember saying such words. I saw your promise in it, but I just smiled. You didn't see my initial excitement. Thank you for letting me have the most beautiful memory. For those heavy letters and moods I've never received. But now you've already forgotten your promise, or as I said earlier, you've found a woman who's many times better than me, with laughter in her eyes. I don't regret missing you, just being obsessed with my own arrogance, I've been praying for your forgiveness, for my youthful ignorance.

Sometimes I think I am lonely. I keep telling myself, don't forget those once vivid faces. Forgive me for writing like reminiscing, it's because I no longer know if I still exist in the corners of your memories, will anyone dust off my memories...

There are so many friends, you appeared in my life, making my life colorful from then on. I want to tell you, I always remember you. Maybe you won't know, I've missed you for so long, so deeply. I've cried for you, laughed for you, lived for your joys and sorrows. Now, I can finally let go of the scattered fragments, stop being happy or sad for everyone around me at that time. You've all found your own dreams, living well in other cities. I only hope that all my friends stay away from all troubles and worries, live happily...

Summer has come, it's so hot in Wuxi. The rain every other day can't disperse the steaming heat. I'm here, enjoying the prosperity of solitude. Where did those lively youths go? And beneath them, your childish faces, have they all vanished with the wind? I, alone, stay here, mourning my youth I can't return to...

Sunshine, are you okay? I always remember that afternoon, your gradually blurred outline in the warm sunlight, and the unfading sunshine in your hand. But not anymore now, right? There won't be another girl spreading her hands under the sunset, smiling at me like spring scenery. Now all that's left for me is a busy back, nothing else...

Every time I pick up my pen, I always think of you. Perhaps you yourself don't know how deep and painful an imprint you've left in my heart. How did I meet you? I often mock my own audacity at the time, even though I had enough capital to be arrogant. Those little sweets, just meeting you in the corridor, and you smiling to someone familiar, towards my direction, made my heart instantly bloom with flowers. I was just a shallow, transparent image in your life, dispensable, never involving your joys and sorrows. That's what I thought. Where are you now? Are you okay? The opportunities we kept missing really prove that we were destined not to be together. The feelings at that time have already faded, but there's always a faint scar in my heart, whenever I see you, it hurts, it cries, do you know? I miss you so much, I miss our only handshake, I yearn for your only loving gaze, I miss your only shoulder I could lean on, and even the embrace I've never leaned into, even, I miss my then, so humble love... Is it all gone now? We can never go back to that innocence and ignorance. You taught me to love, to forget love, to be unable to love, but I still thank heaven for letting me meet you when I was at my best.

You, sitting behind me, are probably the person I've been in contact with the most until now? At that time, I never thought we would become close friends who talk about everything. When you suddenly broke down crying while apologizing to your mother, I immediately saw your weakness behind your strong pretense. Later, your indifference and persistence towards her, the sacrifices and abandonments you made, all of it made me admire you very much. But I still want to tell you, don't be obsessed anymore, let go when you should...

In our second year of high school, we ate every meal together, walked every road together, attended every class together, until later when you cried and told me, you wanted to go home. Looking at your tears, you'll never know how sad I was. I consoled you for a long time, until I didn't know what else to say. Maybe this place really wasn't suitable for you? Leaving might make you live better. Since then, I lost contact with you, couldn't hear any news about you. Occasionally, I heard that you're doing well with him. I still feel very sorry, you should have had your dream, gone to where you should have gone, and now, I don't know how far it is from you. One of the reasons I don't contact you is also this, I'm afraid you'll feel sad when you remember. Since it's past, since we can't look back, then forget it...

And my Dan treasure, you may not know how important you were to me during our senior year of high school. While I was struggling for the ideal I now know is shattered, you brought a touch of brilliance into my world. I don't have as tragic a youth as you, but talking about that experience, I would also be reckless like you, fearing to touch the softest part of my heart, where it's said, memories reside. I am so eager for you to forget, for you to be happy, even though I haven't mentioned it.