Mood: Extremely bad)
Today was such an unlucky day, it made me so angry. Early in the morning, I encountered a pervert, who actually assaulted me. What made me angriest is that I was too dumb to do anything but yell at him, hit him once, and when I tried to report it, he had already escaped. Whose fault is this? My own for being so useless. When something happens, I don't know how to stay calm and handle it properly. I was scared and could only cry. Now looking back, I should have grabbed a nunchuck and beat him until his head looked like a pig's. We'll see if he dares to grope people in public again. He even claimed it was his first time. Pfft!
Who's first time would be this stupid, in such a place, on our own turf no less? Truly reckless! Moreover, what I regret most is not calling Chen Wu. Afterward, I foolishly asked myself why I didn't call him. All I could think of was reporting it, at least giving that pervert a good beating would have vented some anger. Alas, now I regret it. Work needs a bit of love; work will give you happiness...
May 4th (Weather: Cloudy with rain Mood: Barely okay)
Today was a boring day, neither good nor bad, nothing much to say... No specific thoughts to record!
Postscript: Hope my baby can healthily grow inside me, develop, and be born...
May 5th (Weather: Cloudy, gloomy Mood: As usual)
Every day is the same, over and over again, year after year...
Postscript: Heaven blesses that this pregnancy will definitely be a boy!!
May 6th (Weather: Finally sunny! Mood: Same old, neither good nor bad)
Postscript: The closer it gets, the more unsure I feel, extremely anxious! Heaven bless!
May 7th (Weather: Sunny, hot as hell Mood: Happy)
Today, my husband said he'd accompany me to Tangxia to shop, hehe, so happy. Every day I'm stuck here, in the evening if I want to walk around, it's either Tianxin or Junying, so boring. Now I can go shopping in Tangxia, not bad at all. Although it's for buying clothes for the baby, my mood is still high. Only slightly anxious because of the baby inside me, hehe! Don't worry, don't worry, it will definitely be a boy!
In the morning, I watched "Tangshan Earthquake" again. Those early scenes were truly touching, every time I watch, I cry, especially when they can only save one person and must choose between two lives. Really, my heart feels mixed emotions, countless thoughts. I am also a mother, I can feel that pain. Both are my treasures, my own flesh and blood, yet I have to choose one to live and one to die. Who should die, who should live? When she heard her mom chose her brother to live, her expression was truly one of despair. If I were that mom, who would I choose? What would I do? I would choose to save both, but if there isn't enough time and both die, or if I choose like her, let the brother live and the sister die? Thinking about this, my heart hurts so much. Even now thinking about it, I find it hard to decide, let alone being in that mom's situation then? If one day, just hypothetically, we encounter an earthquake, and I must choose one to save between my son and daughter, what would I do? Would I insist on saving both, or choose one? Or if after saving them both turn out dead, what would I do? This is really a profound question to ponder. Thinking about this, I feel I owe something to my baby. Now I need to treat her doubly well, also for this soon-to-be-born son in my belly. I will definitely not favor one over the other, I will treat them equally well, and not wait until something happens to think about my children, because they are all my treasures, all pieces of my flesh and blood. How could I choose one? So cherish everything we have now, be as kind as possible to those around us, and treasure every second with our loved ones...
May 8th (Weather: Sunny, hot Mood: Alright)
Yesterday, I went shopping in Tangxia for baby clothes, bought two pieces, but one sentence, I was so tired! Sitting in the car gave me a headache, I felt like I was going to collapse. When I got home, I just lay down on the bed. Sigh, shopping is tiring too. But a little disappointing thing is that I didn't buy any shoes.
It's all Chen Wu's fault, yes, it's all his fault... However, yesterday I heard something that made me incredibly happy. My mother-in-law took my big baby to see a fortune-teller. The fortune-teller said my daughter has the destiny to become an official, at the very least, she could become a teacher. He also said she has long lashes, black eyes, one eye double-lidded, the other single-lidded. He also said her mom (that's me) will give birth later this year to a boy.
He also said the baby lacks nothing, her name is auspicious. He said Chen Wu can only lead a simple life these few years, if he wants to get rich, he has to wait until the big baby is 8 or 9 years old, then he will get rich (however, I think as long as a person works hard, puts effort into doing things, finds the right opportunity, there's nothing that can't be done, nothing that can't be achieved, as long as one is willing to work, as long as good fortune comes his way, I believe he will accomplish something. But don't become arrogant because of what the fortune-teller said, that won't be beneficial, this is just what I think). Nevertheless, hearing what the fortune-teller said made me very happy, so I decided that after the baby is born, I will cultivate my treasure well, make her truly grow up to be talented, not only fulfill the fortune-teller's prophecy, but also achieve everything, which is best for the baby, best for the family... Come on, power up, power up!!
May 9th (Weather: Sunny Mood: Nervous, nervous, so nervous!)
Today, I'm going for an ultrasound, finally waited for this day. My heart is pounding nervously, I'm so afraid, so afraid. Afraid of hearing results I don't want, longing to hear the result I've been expecting. So now my heart is uneasy, full of anxiety, fear, baby, give your mom a little confidence, can we try our best? Baby, please don't disappoint me anymore, alright?
But many people say this pregnancy will be a boy, so I'll convince myself it will be, it has to be!
So nervous, so nervous! It feels like there are dozens of little deer wildly colliding inside me, chaos!
Heaven blesses, please let it be as I wish, grant me this one wish. If this time I can give birth to a healthy, smart boy, I'd willingly shorten my lifespan, I'm willing!!!
May 10th (Weather: Sunny, hot Mood: Scared for nothing)
We set off for the hospital, I was scared half to death on the way. But I still had to pretend to be calm, afraid they'd laugh at me if they saw. That fear, sigh, can't describe it with words. Until I was on the ultrasound bed, I was biting my lips, fearing bad news, but the doctor said the fetus is not yet five months old, the gender isn't clear yet, so I have to come back next month, I exhaled deeply. Another month of worry awaits. Don't know if it's good or bad.
May 11th (Weather: Sunny to partly cloudy Mood: Boring)
Seems like a boring day, nothing happened, every day is the same... Sigh, wasting precious time!
May 12th (Weather: Rainy Mood: Depressed)
This morning, I ate some mung bean soup and applied a little mentholated oil. The baby moved a lot, seems like sweet things should be eaten less from now on, and mentholated oil shouldn't be used either. I never knew before, pregnant women shouldn't use it, but I've been using it for several months already. So starting tomorrow, I'll stop using it. Everything that's not good for the fetus, I won't use anymore. A lot of things I shouldn't eat either, always can't control my mouth, sigh. Today at the pharmacy, I heard the boss lady gave birth, to a chubby boy, great, truly enviable. I want one too, son, give your mom some pride, let's not let others look down on us. We're having a boy too, right? Hehe.
Wish heaven blesses me to have a boy this time. Wish I can have a healthy, smart boy, though this year it seems a lot of people are having boys, hehe.
May 13th (Weather: Raining Mood: Annoying day)
Another day passed like this, can't say if my mood is good or bad, because every day is the same, no ups and downs in mood. Truly annoying. However, I slept well tonight, cooler weather makes for better sleep. Slept until morning and still wanted to sleep, didn't want to get up for work. But still had to get up. The baby at home won't miss me, I'm such a failure, a failed mom. My daughter never thinks of me, doesn't want to talk to me. Truly a failure as a person... Gemini and what sign matches best... When I return, I'll cultivate a bond with her, otherwise they'll both abandon me, how can this be. After all, I am her mom...
May 14th (Weather: Overcast, hot Mood: Like usual)
Now I just feel my feet are heavy, no strength. Tired, don't want to move, just want to sleep. Slept until morning and still wanted to sleep, lazy! Went with my husband to Tianxin to buy toys for the baby, saw so many pregnant women along the way, at least a dozen or so. Depressing, everyone is having babies this year, haha. Last year was the Year of the Tiger, usually people don't have babies then. In another month, I have to go for an ultrasound again, so nervous, so nervous, scary. But it will definitely be a boy baby. Hehe, now the most important thing is to keep a good mood, which is also good for the baby. Don't know when the internet cafe can be transferred. My online store, credibility, quickly rise, business quick to come, at least let me earn some milk money. Haha!!!
May 15th (Weather: Still overcast, but sleeping feels cooler Mood: Pretty good for now)
This morning, the little one was moving around happily in my belly, hehe, these past two days have been like this, able to clearly feel the fetal movements... Went out for a walk with my husband in the evening, it was so cool at the square, the breeze felt great... Hehe, walked all the way to Junying, I really admire myself, walked for two hours straight. Came back completely exhausted, sigh... When I came back, my teeth started hurting a bit, hoping it doesn't hurt too much tomorrow...
May 16th (Weather: Suffocating, probably going to rain Mood: Terrible)
Wah wah, woke up with toothache, really hurts, it's killing me, can only rinse my mouth with salt water, hoping it will reduce the pain. Can't take medicine, can't pull out the decayed tooth either, so frustrating, please stop hurting, please stop torturing me... Wah wah... Hurts...
May 19th (Weather: Sunny Mood: Very bad)
Didn't write a diary for a few days due to toothache, today it's finally a bit better. But my mood is terrible. Argued with Chen Wu yesterday... Feeling so annoyed. Yesterday, my tooth hurt so badly, and he was only thinking of himself. He thought he was right, I did what I thought was right, so we argued again. Sigh... Last night, he went online late into the night. With my bad mood, the baby might feel it, my stomach felt so uncomfortable. I thought it wouldn't be serious, scared me... Hehe... He kept writing those things on his microblog, I feel sour in my heart, but also feel he's not considerate enough. All I want is a man who loves me, knows how to take care of me, and is a little more considerate. But he's not, maybe because he was spoiled since young, he doesn't know how to be considerate or care for others, only knows how to be taken care of and cared for. But I am a woman, what I want is different from what he wants. So we can only argue. Maybe it's half my fault that led to this situation now. Sigh...
May 22nd (Weather: Raining Mood: Not sure yet)
Forgot to write a diary for a few days, maybe because there wasn't much on my mind, so I didn't think of writing. Just that the baby hasn't moved much these days, ever since we argued last time, there's been little movement in my stomach, a bit worried. So I've been paying attention to whether there's fetal movement in my belly, but last night when I was half asleep, I seemed to feel some movement, which reassured me a bit, hehe. Continue observing today...
May 27th (Weather: Sunny Mood: Irritated)
Haven't written a diary for a few days, why does it always seem to be when my mood is bad? Yesterday, I was in a good mood shopping in Tangxia with him, but why aren't we in sync? What he likes, I don't, what I like, he doesn't. Then he got angry, damn it. He got angry, so what, it's not my fault, humph humph...
May 28th (Weather: Sunny Mood: Still contemplating)
Time flies, the baby is five months in my belly. Soon, I'll have to go for another ultrasound, scary, but I'll relax my mind. Everything will be fine, everything will happen as I expect. But honestly, I feel this is definitely a boy, hehe. These past few days, the movements have been good, moving in the morning and evening, nice, normal, healthy, great... Happy, if it's really a boy during the ultrasound, I think I'll be so happy I won't be able to close my mouth, hahaha...
Wish to have a healthy, smart boy who meets the parents' expectations... Wish heaven blesses me...
May 29th (Weather: Sunny, hot Mood: Fine)
Yesterday, my older sister brought the baby to play at home, I really missed her, but she didn't want to talk to me, depressing... I'm such a failure as a mom... Sigh... But the hardest part is seeing the marks on her body, really don't know what to say, whose fault is it? I'm not at home, unable to take care of her, whose fault is it... It's been so long and it hasn't healed, really worrying, what if it leaves scars?... Annoying. But it seems they don't seem worried at all. What irritates me most is that the baby's personality has changed a lot. I really feel she's been scolded, bullied, or something else happened, otherwise how could she change so suddenly? She even dares not to ask for permission to use the bathroom at school, only wetting her pants instead? Want to go back and watch over her, not letting her get hurt at all... If someone really bullied her or scolded her, I will definitely transfer her to another school. Such a mediocre school shouldn't be like this, damn it, making me so angry. Her mom really should have understood the situation better... Never mind, no point saying more, it will involve too many people... Annoying annoying annoying... Therefore, kids are best by their parents' side, I can't trust anyone else to look after her...
Lord, please let this pregnancy be a boy, quickly have a boy so I can go back home and take care of my baby... I may not express my feelings towards my baby well, but I certainly don't neglect her like they say. They don't understand anything, only see the surface stuff. I may not be superficial and say those words, but after all, she is my child, saying I don't love her is false. Truly, they don't understand me, including Chen Wu, it's the same. Never mind, let them say what they want, it doesn't matter. I only know that she and the one in my belly are both mine, both carried for ten months and born, both have feelings...
May Lord bless me...
May 31st (Weather: Sunny Mood: Alright)
Last night, I was constantly thinking about my baby, wanting to go back and switch her to a better school. The current one is cheap but useless. I'd rather save myself some and want my baby to have a good learning environment, good teachers. I always feel she's unhappy at school, whether scolded by teachers or if the teachers are not good, ignoring her or something. People say mothers and daughters have a telepathic connection, I don't know if I'm overly sensitive or if it's true, I only know that when I go back, I will definitely switch her to a school with at least good teachers, who know how to care for her, making her enjoy school. So after this boy is born, I'll quickly go back to see her, teach her well. I'm afraid I won't teach her well, but I'll do my best...
Heaven blesses me, this time let it be a boy, I want to go home, go home to see my big baby, slowly teach the younger one after birth, it must be a boy...
Heaven blesses me...