N Kinds of Men
Column: Essays Added Time: December 6, 2010, 14:52:34 Source: Admin Clicks: 47
I have a client in his sixties. He is now the general manager of a real estate company with assets worth over hundreds of millions. Since I knew him before he became successful, we talk very casually. Every time I see him, he says, "You're getting more and more beautiful," and I respond, "You're getting more and more handsome." One day, he said that my car is low-end, and I work too hard. If I want to change my current situation, I can immediately have a nice car and house. I told him, "Although my car is old, it can protect me from wind and rain. Although I earn money through hard work, it's all sweat and blood. I like this kind of simple life." Another day, he said, "You are beautiful, but I can't get close to you." I replied, "You are handsome, but you are a bit old."
I have another client in his thirties. He is a top figure in his industry, spending several million yuan on advertisements alone every year. He is quite arrogant. I know both him and his wife. When we do business together, he often hints at me. After seeing no response from me, he let his friend tell me, "He doesn't get along well with his wife, they are divorcing now. Girls who pursue him are lining up, if you are willing, you don't need to queue." I told his friend, "Whatever we do, we should follow order and respect the first-come-first-served rule. I am willing to wait in line, and if someone cuts in front of me, I will move back even further." This wealthy man, after the contract was completed, owed me for more than a year without settling the account. I was so angry that I removed his advertisement. Later, when there was no other way, he finally settled my small account. There were several cases like this where the person was very friendly at the beginning but refused to settle the account later. I kept thinking, if I had followed their wishes at the beginning, would my money be easier to collect?
The other day, while I was walking on the street, a BMW driver stopped beside me and rolled down the window to offer me a ride home. I've encountered such situations many times before, which always puzzled me. If I were a seventeen or eighteen-year-old girl, this could be easily explained. But I'm already thirty years old. Moreover, familiar people expressing affection is because they understand you. You're just walking on the street, and someone offers concern out of nowhere - who knows what they really intend. After refusing, I still had doubts and asked him, "Am I looking like a bad person?" What I meant was asking him if he thought I looked like a prostitute, which is why he dared to make such an impudent suggestion. He didn't answer me, instead asking me if I thought he looked like a bad person. "You absolutely look like a good person," I said, "but I prefer bad people." He then asked if I was married. I replied, "I'm not married; I'm an old maid." He muttered, "Old? Are you still a maiden?" Oh, you think I'm old and can't walk anymore, so you want to send me home, Mr. Lei Feng, thank you, but I can still manage to walk. With that, I walked away.
There's another client, also in his thirties. When signing the contract, his terms were so harsh that they were almost unacceptable. He kept demanding one condition after another. Finally, when he made yet another request, I wanted to get angry but couldn't. So, I said sarcastically, "Fine, I'll give you a wife." Everyone laughed, and the contract was signed. However, when I went to settle the account after the project was done, he claimed I owed him a wife and wouldn't pay. No matter how many times I asked, he used the same excuse. One day, right after they finished a meeting with many people present, I mentioned settling the account again, and he brought up the wife thing once more. I said, "Alright, I'll introduce you to two women." He said one was enough, no need for so many. I said, "It's one older woman bringing a younger one, buy one get one free. If you don't accept, tough luck." He then said, "Then you might as well introduce me to a pockmarked woman." I replied, "A pockmarked woman is better than a pretty fifty-year-old." He said, "Then you might as well introduce me to an eighty-year-old." I said, "You're dreaming! Introducing you to an eighty-year-old means you'd instantly become a grandfather with a bunch of grandchildren after marriage, without any effort. Besides, imagine hugging an eighty-year-old every night and drinking expired milk. If you got poisoned, how would I explain that?" Everyone burst into laughter, and finally, he issued the transfer check.
There's a boy in his early twenties, much younger than me, and we're not very familiar. He sent me text messages every day. Seeing that I ignored him, he eventually told me he was a virgin. If I was willing, we could meet immediately. This put me in a difficult position. After hesitating for a while, I told him to be careful these days and not lose his virginity to anyone. I would discuss it with my husband and reply later.
Recently, I bought a new Honda Accord, the highest configuration. Although it's somewhat inferior compared to Mercedes-Benz and BMW, it's a significant upgrade from my previous car. I feel great driving it, and others who ride in it also say it's excellent. One day, I went out with two colleagues, and upon getting in the car, one of them sighed, "Riding in this car makes me want to marry you." After traveling a long distance and finishing our errands, the two insisted on treating me to dinner. During the meal, they told me that they had discussed it and were willing to be my second and third husbands respectively. They assured me they would never argue. I was speechless, staring at them for a long time before saying, "One is too tall, and the other is too short. Starting today, go home and practice. When the tall one shrinks to 1.7 meters and the short one grows to 1.8 meters, I'll consider taking you in." The tall one was dissatisfied and said, "The short one growing taller is fine, but why does the tall one have to shrink?"
I said, "The short one is too fat, growing to 1.8 meters would be more balanced. The tall one is too thin, shrinking to 1.7 meters would be more suitable."
The tall one said, "You're being picky." I replied, "Things that come knocking usually aren't good, so of course I have to be picky."
The tall one said, "So things that don't come knocking are good?"
I said, "No, things that come by chance are good."
The other night, I placed a glass of water by my bedside to drink if I got thirsty in the middle of the night. Just before dawn, my husband picked up the cup and took a sip, saying, "Why does this water taste strange?" I said, "It's fine, I poured it." My husband took another sip and asked, "What tea bag did you use? Why is it so swollen?" I was surprised and said, "I didn't use any tea bag. What is it?" My husband handed the cup to me. Upon inspection, I saw a wad of toilet paper soaked in the water. Apparently, last night after wiping the baby's bottom, I accidentally threw it into the cup. I wanted to laugh but held back, telling him, "This is expensive cellulose protein slimming tea. Don't drink it." With that, I took the cup and poured the water into the trash can beside the bed. Unexpectedly, my husband was upset and said, "It's so expensive, and you only let me take one sip before throwing it away. You shouldn't drink this kind of thing," I said.