Eighth Prince's mansion.
Qi Rui: Your Highness, we have run out of money in our mansion.
The Eighth Prince: What? No money? I am a Taurus, known for being diligent and economical, so how could we be out of money?
Qi Rui: It’s because you go out every day.
The Eighth Prince: That shouldn't cost much money.
Qi Rui: Every time you see someone unable to repay their debts and being pressured by creditors, you end up paying the debt for them. You encounter dozens each day, and over time...
The Eighth Prince waved his hand: Alright, I understand. Qi Rui, let's do this and that.
Thus, a tall banner was raised at the entrance of the Eighth Prince's mansion: The Eighth Virtuous Prince seeks a husband, no restrictions on height, weight, or looks. All eligible men are welcome to participate by paying an entry fee of 20 taels of silver for tomorrow’s selection event. Soon, there was a queue outside the mansion, not long but very thick, with some sedan chairs, donkey carts, and even brawling crowds.
Qi Rui counted the silver: This should cover expenses for a few days... But Your Highness, are you really going to marry?
The Eighth Virtuous Prince leaned against the chair: We'll see tomorrow.
On the second day, the Eighth Prince's mansion was crowded with people and filled with the sound of gongs and drums, along with the aroma of rice dumplings from Wufangzhai.
Yelü Brothers: Haha! Back when the Eight Beauties were sent as envoys, we were already drooling. Now there's a chance... Agreed, whoever wins, we’ll share.
Pang Tong confidently said: I am talented, handsome, brave, wise, literate, powerful, and without a wife. I am the standard good youth with eight advantages and one absence, the Eighth Prince will definitely choose me.
Little Dragon: Family wealth should not benefit outsiders. The emperor doesn’t spend money on food; the handsome uncle must not fall into the hands of others!
Qi Rui: Everyone take your positions, now the selection begins. ——?! Hey, our Eighth Virtuous Prince cannot enter into a posthumous marriage, please leave—no, ghosts, leave!
Xiangyang Prince: Why!! Do you know how many ghost coins I had to sell to get these 20 taels of silver!!
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Sorry nephew, though I said welcome men, I do not welcome male ghosts.
Shen Liang: Don't drive me away! I didn't come to marry the Eighth Virtuous Prince, I just want to see my two younger brothers...
Yelü Juncai cried: Brother, you're so kind, I will definitely burn more yellow paper for you. Rest assured, I will definitely succeed.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince adjusted his sleeves: Also, those with feminine tendencies, like having many braids, are not allowed.
Yelü Juncai: %……￥%…………& How can a man like me be feminine?! In our Liao country, this is called a real man!
Luo Sang: Hey! You can't drive me away, I am recommended by Yashi! I...
Young General: Phew, luckily I became a monk and shaved off my braids.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Monks are not allowed either.
Young General: =口=
Zhan Zhao: I have grown out my hair now, only one braid remains, is that okay?
The Eighth Virtuous Prince smiled: Of course, it's fine.
Zhan Zhao: Oh yes!
The Eighth Prince: However, those with low cultural literacy are not allowed.
Zhan Zhao: Ah...
Gongsun Ce proudly fanned himself: If only you had studied well, look at you now, understand?
The Eighth Prince: Those who show off their literary talent are also not allowed.
Gongsun Ce: What? Why drag me?! Being learned isn't a crime!
Yelü Wencai fanned himself: Haha, do you think you can marry the Eighth Prince? You are worse than him... Why drag me?! I'm not showing off!
A smart person from Goryeo (I forgot his name): Barbarians like the Liao people certainly wouldn't qualify.
The Eighth Prince: I hate usurers most, they shall be driven out with sticks.
Baozi whispered: So terrifying.
The Eighth Prince: To be my husband, one must be wealthy. Each must pay a thousand taels of gold.
Baozi: What, my 20 taels of silver were borrowed!
The Eighth Prince: Then you can leave.
The Four Pillars: Let's go then.
Mr. Feng XX (a forgotten secondary character, a rich man): Haha, don't worry, not a thousand taels, even two thousand taels would be no problem!
The Eighth Prince: Officials below the third rank are not allowed.
Little Dragon: I am the emperor, the greatest under heaven.
The Eighth Prince sipped tea: I practice monogamy, those with partners are not allowed.
Little Dragon: But I am the emperor, perhaps... Uncle, make an exception for me.
The Eighth Prince: Alright, but those with large nostrils are not allowed.
Little Dragon: ==+ My nostrils aren't big!
Pang Tong: Enough Ouyang Liu, your nostrils are bigger than your brain.
Grand Tutor Pang: I once had a wife, but she has passed away.
The Eighth Prince smiled: That is acceptable, I don't mind marrying into an existing household. ——However, those older than me by ten years are not allowed.
Grand Tutor Pang: >—< Retreat!
Third Prince: I am only eight years older, no problem at all.
The Eighth Prince: Ah, how did you get here? You should be the first one disqualified.
Third Prince: Ah?! Why!!!
The Eighth Prince: Don't you think our pairing sounds terrible?
Pang Tong: Ah ha, only me left! Pang Ba isn't bad, right?
The Eighth Prince gave a flirtatious glance: Not bad. But may I finish all the rules, Feiyun Wang? Just one more.
Pang Tong: Alright, hurry up, beauty~
The Eighth Prince cleared his throat: Cough, due to my discord with Grand Tutor Pang, to avoid being bullied by mother-in-law (?), thus—sons of Grand Tutor Pang are not allowed! Alright, rules finished, the remaining ones will become my husband—already none left?—Hey, why haven't you left, Feiyun Wang?
Pang Tong's face turned green: Brothers of Feiyun Cavalry, let's seize the bride today!!
Three days later, at Feiyun Wang's mansion.
Pang Tong: What, you say the mansion is almost out of money?!
The steward: Your Highness, the Princess Consort has a habit of going out every day.
Pang Tong: So what?
The steward: Every time she sees someone unable to repay their debts and being pressured by creditors, she pays the debt for them. Since the incident of the Eighth Prince seeking a husband, many people owe money and can't repay it. She encounters so many every day, thus...
Pang Tong thought for a while: Alright, put up an advertisement outside, Pang Tong decides not to be the husband of the Eighth Virtuous Prince anymore, and wants to find a good husband for the Eighth Prince, no restrictions on height, weight, or looks. Welcome all eligible men, each paying an entry fee of 20 taels of silver to participate in tomorrow’s selection event.
—THE END—
"I am truly foolish, truly. I only knew that when Empress Consort Pang's birthday came, Pang Tong, her kinsman, would visit the palace; I didn't know he would come otherwise. Early in the morning, I opened the door, took a food box full of pastries, and went to the palace to see the sick emperor with our prince. He cares deeply for the emperor and is concerned about everything related to him; he went out. I slept in the back room, woke up, and it was mealtime. I called for the prince, no response, went to the emperor's chamber, and saw the pastries scattered everywhere, the emperor tied up like a honey-coated fragrant rice dumpling (Note: modern cold honey rice dumpling), and our prince was gone. He wouldn't go elsewhere; after asking around, indeed he wasn't found. I panicked and asked people to search. Until late afternoon, searching and searching brought us to the entrance of Feiyun Wang's mansion, where we saw his butterfly knot waistband on the steps. Everyone said, 'Uh oh, probably caught by Pang Tong.' Going inside, he was indeed lying on the bed, stripped naked, completely consumed, and still tightly holding the food box..."
—Excerpt from "Diary of the Southern Qing Palace", written by Qi Rui, published by Ren Qing Publishing House
One year, one month, one day, the Emperor embodying Heaven and Law, complete in virtue and divine wisdom—well, Zhao Zhen—was feeling unwell. After diagnosis by the royal physicians: His middle burner was blocked. More clearly, indigestion from overeating.
Of course, Zhao Zhen is the emperor, not only from overeating, even saying "My toes feel itchy" would surely gather tens or twenties of royal physicians, prescribing several doses of medicine, requiring several days of rest in bed.
And naturally, our Eighth Virtuous Prince, caring deeply for Zhao Zhen, must surely visit. Since the beauty has set out, then, naturally, the pervert must follow…
Qi Rui: Your Highness, you really want to visit the emperor…?
The Eighth Virtuous Prince picked up the food box: Yes. Zhen'er is ill, I must visit.
Qi Rui: Your Highness must be cautious, walk properly on the way to the palace, do not detour elsewhere, and do not talk to strangers.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Why?
Qi Rui: You don't know, there are many perverts lusting after you. Normally, I can protect you, but now I cannot enter the palace. If you are abducted, that would be an unforgivable sin. Especially there is one named Pang Tong, unmarried, handsome, talented in literature and martial arts, wealthy and powerful, owns a carriage and house, knows divination, known as the top bachelor of Song Dynasty, a diamond Wang Laowu…
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: How does it sound like a matrimonial agency ad?
Qi Rui: In short, you must beware of him.
—I'm already on the road boundary line—
I walked alone on the small path to the palace,
Carrying pastries for Zhen'er to taste.
He lies far away in a quiet place,
I must be careful for any nearby perverts.
When the sun sets behind the hill, I'll return home,
Entering sweet dreams with Qi Rui... (Note: I just wrote casually, I absolutely do not support Qi Rui x Wang, he looks too gloomy)
The beautiful person walks on the palace path singing, suddenly seeing a man dressed in white feathers.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Who is this, looking like a feather duster... wait, Shen Liang? Ghost...?!
Pang Tong: I am not a ghost, I am... a newly appointed guard, call me Little Crab. Are you the Eighth Virtuous Prince? Coming to visit the emperor?
It is a well-known fact that the Eighth Virtuous Prince has never met Pang Tong, at least Ren Qing hasn't seen them meet throughout the entire series. Thus, the Eighth Virtuous Prince doesn't know this is Pang Tong, so he isn't afraid at all. Meanwhile, Pang Tong is agile with strong subordinates, able to spy on any beauty anytime. Hearing of the Eighth Virtuous Prince's reputation, as the saying goes, the most handsome men are in Song Dynasty, among Song men, most are surnamed Pang, among the Pang men, Pang Tong is the best, and he competes with his father for the Eighth Prince... Of course, this is just street gossip, the Grand Tutor absolutely couldn't have that energy, right?
Pang Tong calculated in his heart: "This beauty has delicate skin, the taste must be good. Unfortunately, there are many palace maids and eunuchs around, making it inconvenient to act. I need a strategy, ensuring he won't escape my grasp." Thus, he accompanied the Eighth Virtuous Prince for a while, then said: "What is this you carry? Pastries? You might not know, the emperor fell ill from eating too much, sending pastries isn't good."
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Oh, thank you for reminding me, but what should I do?
Pang Tong pointed: There is the Imperial Hospital, you can consult the royal physicians, see if the emperor can eat pastries. I'll go to the sleeping quarters first and inform the emperor that you've come to visit him.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Oh, alright.
Thus, the beauty forgot Qi Rui's warning and changed route midway...
—I'm writing when I have time boundary line—
Meanwhile, while the Eighth Virtuous Prince was held back by fans at the Imperial Hospital, Little Crab knocked out a bunch of guards and rushed into the sleeping quarters.
At this moment, Little Dragon didn't realize danger was near, still dreaming and muttering: "Great King, I am Fan Li... Gu Ye, I am Gong Sun Lei... Brother, I am Northeast... Uncle, I am Zhen'er... Pang Tong, I am the current emperor... What, Pang Tong?! 0 mouth 0"
Little Dragon immediately woke up, seeing the menacingly approaching Little Crab with a grin and glowing green eyes, his heart raced in panic, consoling himself: "Don't be afraid, believe the storm will pass, the rain will stop, and Pang Tong will leave. Grandpa is the emperor who unified China, grandfather is the emperor who repelled the Liao Kingdom, I am the most handsome emperor of Song, I must show imperial dignity..." Thinking this, Little Dragon gathered his strength and shouted:
"Help! Pang Tong is rebelling! Feed, you can seize the throne, but don't molest, don't do this, I'm still a virgin behind..."
Little Crab knocked out Little Dragon, and silence returned.
The sun was covered by clouds, flowers withered, leaves fell, and Little Dragon was stripped naked by Pang Tong. Pang Tong grinned wickedly, taking off his own clothes... Using his clothes, he bound Little Dragon into a dumpling, gagged him with socks, and threw him under the bed. Then he changed into Zhao Zhen's clothes, hiding in bed pretending to be him. (In the original story, the wolf ate grandma, but Ren Qing doesn't support Pang Long, at least not yet. Good steel should be used on the blade, energy should be focused on beauties, concentrate on major tasks...)
Finally, the Eighth Virtuous Prince broke free from the纠缠and arrived at the sleeping quarters with the food box: Zhen'er, your uncle brought pastries. I asked the royal physicians, they said you can eat.
Pang Tong: Thank you, uncle, come sit.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince looked at the "emperor," suddenly sensing something was off.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Why are your eyes so big? (He Zhonghua's eyes are indeed much bigger than Jia Yiping's...)
Pang Tong: To better see you.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince: Why is your mouth so wide?
Pang Tong: To better kiss you.
The Eighth Virtuous Prince noticed a bulge in the dragon robe, blushing: Why is your... so big?
Pang Tong smiled viciously: To better eat you.
At this moment, the Eighth Virtuous Prince noticed something under the bed: Where did such a big dumpling come from—it's Zhen'er—wait, if you're Zhen'er, then the one in bed is—
At this point, the creature on the bed transformed into a werewolf, howling and pouncing towards the beauty...
—Later according to eyewitness accounts from palace maids, eunuchs, and commoners, they all saw an unknown creature carrying someone fleeing out of the palace and flying into Feiyun Wang's mansion, occasionally emitting "howl howl" sounds.
The official court news remained silent, but according to rumors, someone saw the emperor colliding with walls in the middle of the night: "Uncle, it's my fault..."
Even more, the current grand tutor kept circling around Feiyun Wang's mansion, repeatedly muttering: "Son, I am your father, you are my only son..."
_THE END_