According to the psychological experts of the First Hospital of Shanxi Medical University, many parents said that they had no way to deal with their children when they were angry. Could something be done to handle this problem? In response to this, the expert put forward five suggestions, hoping to draw everyone's attention.
1. Avoid responding to your child's anger with anger. Your anger will make your child's emotions worse. You need to control your own anger first and respond to your child in a calm and gentle voice. Only in this way can you guide the child's behavior while demonstrating the behavior you hope to see in the child through your own actions.
2. Children need to learn that although anger is normal, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to deal with it. You can help him understand this by understanding why he is angry. Usually, as long as the child knows that you understand his feelings, it will make him calm down. For example, if a child gets angry because his older brother took his bike without asking, and then he shouts and curses. Please try to understand the reason for his anger calmly and say: "I know it's frustrating that your older brother took your things without asking." This will give the child time to think about how to respond and pause his tantrum behavior.
The next step is to ask a question to guide the child to think more positively: "What do you think you should do to make him remember to ask you first?" If he is still angry, remind him again to think in a more positive way: "Being angry cannot solve this problem, what do you think?" Stay with the child and guide him to find a solution.
3. If the child has lost control of his emotions, stop him immediately and send him back to his room to let him calm down. Don't try to deal with the problem when the child is at the peak of emotional reaction. Later, when he calms down, take the time to make him understand, especially what he did that you do not agree with. Through communication, make an agreement with the child and let him plan how to avoid such behavior in the future.
4. Talk to your child about his anger and tell him that learning how to control his temper is an important thing.
Suggest that the first thing he needs to learn is to control himself before losing control or saying hurtful words. Let the child know in advance that next time when he loses his temper, you will help him and ask him to go back to his room to calm down. Tell him that if he does not return to his room immediately when required, he will lose the right to leisure time for a day, such as making phone calls, watching TV, or playing with friends.
5. Help the child develop an "anger control plan".
Choose a quiet time to discuss with your child about anger and brainstorm what he can do when he feels out of control.
For example, he can listen to music with headphones, throw a basketball outside, or take a shower. Let him write these methods on a form and place them where he can easily reach. Encourage and support him when he uses these methods. You can choose a keyword to let him know that he is now emotionally out of control and needs to calm down; and choose another word to represent a pause, giving the child some time to integrate himself.
In general, when children get angry, parents should patiently guide and educate them with the right attitude, avoiding criticizing children with anger, which will instead make it harder to stabilize their emotions.