Once again, listen, the song you gave me, "the farewell song is always slow, peeling off loneliness piece by piece."
Every word, every note, reminds me of you, long absent...
I still remember our first encounter, you joked that you came from the Northern Song Dynasty, with the refreshing taste of night rain, full of wise thoughts and elegant talent. You like playing Go, listening to ancient music, and like to visit museums to reminisce about the past... That classical atmosphere of tying up hair and splashing ink is overwhelming. We have common interests, similar views, and tacit resonance. I said that if there was a previous life, I would rather come from the Northern Song Dynasty, where I could drink wine and ask the sky with Su Dongpo, drink with Ouyang Xiu in Zuiweng Pavilion, and appreciate Zhao Ji's paintings... We discussed Descartes' famous quotes, our past lives, and the prosperity and weight of Chinese history together. You said you like women with elegant demeanor and classical connotations, so you gave me a lot of songs filled with classical charm. Their ethereal beauty goes straight to the heart. The elegant lyrics and clear melodies deeply attracted me. Among them, this song made me like it instantly, flowing over my heart like water. In the days that followed, I often replayed it repeatedly, accompanying me through every leisurely moment.
That day, you casually invited me for a walk, and I politely declined. At the time, you said you felt a little upset, but I thought it was just something you said... But later, you told me that on that evening, you parked on the bridge leading to my direction, not knowing where to go, and covered your face and cried in the driver's seat. My heart was deeply moved, that kind of touching feeling, do you know? I didn't realize that you had already used your heart, and it was the first time I sensed your male sentiment. I don't want to hurt you, if I did, it was unintentional negligence.
That night, you talked deeply with me under the name "I mourn for you." You talked about your background, emotions, and life experiences, your words flowed like a stream, slowly entering my heart... The night was serene, but my heart rippled slightly. Looking at those words from you, it was as if I saw the dust of your journey, and I understood where your calmness, loneliness, and transcendence came from. You said that tonight's name was specially chosen for me, the entanglement of emotions, the helplessness of reality, made us sigh and feel sentimental. You told me that after completing the draft of the novel in your hand, you would let me be the first reader. During this period, you would focus on writing and no longer appear, and then come to find me after completing the draft. You showed me that our names coincidentally ranked second on the list, and you suggested that whoever became first should log off. As a result, that night, the two people in front of us were as stable as rocks, always online. Was it fate that lingered? Or was it destiny? Thus, it allowed for our heartfelt exchange. The sighs about life, the melancholy about the future, a sense of sadness and bitterness kept tugging at my heart... At 4:30 AM, we had to painfully say goodbye. You asked me to rest, while you would read my words and spend a sleepless night. This became my latest chat, unprecedented and unparalleled.
The days waiting for your words passed slowly, helplessly, but also peacefully. Because I knew that one day in the future, you would suddenly come to find me and let me see your work. So, on some night, I would hang your name,寄托着心中淡淡的思念 (entrusting the faint longing in my heart). Seeing your name was like seeing you. Midnight hours flow gently, I stood on the high-rise, leaning against the window looking far, gazing at the direction where you are. On winter nights, sometimes the moon shines bright as frost, and the heart feels cold like water. Sometimes, the night sky is dim, with only the flickering lights of distant stars adding to my worries. Recalling that almost all-night talk, the cold wind brushed away drowsiness, and my thoughts flew far away... Are these stars not the same as last night? For whom am I standing in the midnight breeze?
During winter, I went to KTV with friends to sing. I deliberately chose the song you gave me, "the pear blossom rain and swallows, the illusory flowers and the edge of water, memories fear rainy days most." None of my companions had heard it before, only I was entranced, singing with full concentration. Watching the light animation unfold before my eyes, hearing the familiar melody repeatedly circling in my ears, my heart flew far, far away... One scene after another from the past returned to my mind. My companions were deeply moved, also touched by its rich classical charm.
Today, I'm listening to that song again, "loneliness makes beauties thin, and yearning deepens on the horizon"... When listening to the song, the surroundings are quiet, the heart is peaceful, but often, suddenly, I miss you, and the air is filled with your presence. I want to ask, since the day of our parting has been so long, are you okay?
Longing always lingers, slowly...