Suddenly, I felt very sentimental. Losing you means that there will be no more of you in my life from now on. You only exist in my memory. I suddenly became very afraid, how far is this forever? I think for me, forever means from now until many years after I die, until the world perishes. Perhaps I can also be reborn and start a series of romances, but my beloved, you will no longer belong to me.
We agreed to forget and not to think about it anymore, but why am I disturbed by those sorrowful things in the past again? Those familiar scenes, those streets we have walked through countless times together. Do you still remember that Christmas gift you gave me here which I have kept until today? Suddenly, I feel so heartbroken and even sad. Little by little, I cannot express clearly. I just feel like the cold wind blowing, leaving a drop of dry tears lingering on the withered leaves. It makes me realize and know that all these exchanges have only left a blank in autumn.
I don't dare to engrave any profound words on this blankness because they will eventually become illusions. The world in fairy tales is indescribably beautiful, but once awakened from this illusion, one will feel deeply hurt. There will be no one who whispers a greeting beside me anymore. Because all of this has become an empty echo, lingering on that purple land, never to sound again. Missing becomes beautiful because of the distance, and becomes clear because of the distance. Waiting may be a long and sad ending, but I can't escape this cruel fate. Because we agreed not to dwell on the past or memories anymore, and to bring myself back to reality.
But this rain that stirs up deep emotions, hitting my face, even directly knocking into my heart, makes me fall into a familiar whirlpool. I just want to see you at the end of this rain, but when the rain stops, there is still only me at the end of the rain. Now I just want to stand in the rain and get soaked all over. Maybe only the cold can numb me, so that I won't feel lonely at the end.
I don't have an umbrella because I think living in such a rainy season has become a habit. Although I always feel the raindrops are icy cold, falling on my face, making me very sentimental.
Another Christmas Eve, it's very cold this year, but there is no snow. Raindrops fall along the eaves. Through the shop window, I look at the brightly lit room inside, and keep hearing the words you said to me last year at this time: "Dear, Merry Christmas. Look, this is the creative Christmas gift I carefully prepared for you. You're not allowed to say you don't like it."
On this rainy night, I shed tears involuntarily.