Life is just like a damn soap opera.

When I was a child, on my birthday, I rode a bike with my younger brother to go out and play. Unfortunately, we crashed into a motorcycle and got slightly injured. The bike was broken, and I was afraid of being scolded by our family, so I took all the property from both of us and fixed it. When I got home, my sister handed me a postcard that said: "Happy Birthday Brother, Wishing you a happy day every year." My younger brother and I looked at each other for a long time, enduring the pain and silently walked away.

Next door there is a man who recently became obsessed with GM songs, like "No GCD, No New China", "Socialism is Good", "I Love Beijing Tiananmen", etc. He would howl these songs for no reason.

I couldn't stand it anymore, so I finally knocked on his door and entered: Buddy, why do you always sing these songs? Can't you sing some popular songs?

That guy said: Don't you know? Chongqing has issued a new policy, prisoners can have their sentences reduced if they sing red songs.

I said indifferently: But you're not a prisoner.

That guy came out of the room and looked at my door, then smiled and said: Soon will be.

Classmate A got married. Because we were very close, I (I am male) arrived at her house early in the morning.

The bride was changing into her wedding dress in the bedroom. I casually played with a box of menthol oil on the table and accidentally got it in my eyes.

I quickly went to the bathroom to wash it off. A's mother saw this, rushed over, gave me a big hug, and burst into tears, saying while crying: Auntie understands your feelings, auntie likes you too, but little A just can't understand.

I had tears streaming down my face.

A, dressed in her wedding dress, appeared at the bedroom door and said resentfully: Why didn't you tell me earlier?

I was overwhelmed with emotion.

A's father saw this and hurriedly said: Matters of the heart are hard to talk about. Little A also has a cousin.

Life is like a melodrama.

Last month, a colleague at work died in a car accident, and the computer originally assigned to him was given to me.

Yesterday evening, I was working overtime at the company when the computer malfunctioned. I called a colleague responsible for technology for help. That colleague said he could remotely control my computer through QQ.

Since I didn't have to do anything, I got up to get water outside.

My boss passed by the office (I later found out he hadn't left either), and saw the mouse pointer on my computer screen wobbling and constantly opening one folder after another. He immediately had the illusion that the deceased colleague had returned. When I returned to the office, I saw my boss trembling, pale as a sheet.

Today, the boss is sick and hasn't come in all day. I'm still debating whether or not I should tell him the truth.

A famous heart surgeon's motorcycle broke down and was sent to the repair shop. After inspection, it was found that the engine was broken. The mechanic skillfully disassembled the engine, repaired it, and reinstalled it. He said to the doctor: The engine is the heart of the motorcycle. We both repair hearts, so why is there such a big difference in income? The doctor thought for a moment and said to the mechanic: Try repairing it while the engine is running.

A couple was shopping when they ran into the wife's ex-boyfriend.

The husband asked: Who's that?

The wife replied: An advanced worker from my old unit.

At a snack shop

It was summer, very hot

About 40 degrees Celsius

A woman said: Boss, give me a drink

The boss said: Do you want a cold one?

The woman said very angrily: Don't you know women have those few uncomfortable days?!

The boss helplessly said: Who knows? You didn't put a sanitary napkin on your face.

A few days ago, a few of us went to a dumpling shop after work for lunch. We ordered three kinds of dumplings, half a catty each. After a while, a waiter brought a plate of dumplings. One of my friends asked what kind of filling it was. The waiter calmly picked up the chopsticks and ate one.

The door to heaven broke and needed to be rebuilt. India bid 3,000 yuan to fix it, reasoning that material costs 1,000, labor costs 1,000, and I earn 1,000; then a German came, bidding 6,000 yuan, reasoning that material costs 2,000, labor costs 2,000, and I earn 2,000; finally, a Chinese person came, bidding 9,000 yuan, giving 3,000 to you, keeping 3,000 for myself, and giving the remaining 3,000 to the Indian!

She went home after work, and he sat on the sofa.

With a blank expression, he smoked, and suddenly he spoke: Hey, I said, we've been cohabiting for two years, don't you feel tired of it?

She stopped changing into slippers and turned around to look at him blankly: What did you say?

He still had a blank expression: I said, I'm tired of it.

Her tears flowed, helplessly wiping them away as she turned her back.

Suddenly, a warm body hugged her: How about we get married?

The director said to the deputy director: Our bureau chief is an idiot. Just as the bureau chief pushed the door open and heard it, he was instantly furious and said: If I'm an idiot, what are you guys?

The director quickly said: Your idiots, closely united around you.

On the night of the return from the National Day holiday, a girl stayed overnight at her boyfriend's dormitory. The next morning, the two were urgently taken to the school hospital by the dormitory classmates. After the school doctor questioned them, the diagnosis was filled in as follows: The girl fainted due to dehydration, and the boy suffered from digestive problems due to overeating!

In the morning, I met a naughty little girl on the bus. At a stop sign, a phone e-book addict came in without lifting his head, ready to pay for the ride. Suddenly, the little girl said in standard Mandarin: Dear customer, please pay when you board, and please disembark after paying. After the phone addict paid, he turned around and got off... Only chaos remained in the car among the driver and the passengers...

Today, the police caught a street vendor making toxic food.

Question: If you can't read, where did you learn the method to make toxic food?

Answer: Because I follow the news.

Angry: Answer properly, what does it have to do with the news?

Answer: The methods and processes are all taught in the news.

Three people were trapped in a cave. I said we should find water first, but she seriously told me I was wrong. First, we should establish a party branch.

I reviewed Transformers 1 and 2 on Sunday, still feeling unsatisfied. Before sleeping, I played with the movie-version Optimus Prime toy I bought for 599 yuan by the bedside. After playing for half an hour, I wanted to sleep, so I placed it on the floor by the bed.

On Monday morning, I was awakened by the sunlight. Damn! I forgot to reset the alarm clock I turned off during the weekend, and overslept! Quickly, I jumped out of bed with a somersault. Click! My foot hurt, I stepped on Optimus Prime and cut a wound; I was heartbroken, 599 yuan was broken! There was no time to mourn, I simply bandaged the wound and rushed to work.

After rushing, I was still late. Although my foot really hurt, I had to pretend even more to cover up the fact that I was late. So I gritted my teeth, limped and leaned against the wall to move into the office. Everyone looked up at me, and sure enough, someone asked: Why are you late today? Painfully, I squeezed out a sentence from between my teeth: My Optimus Prime is broken. I haven't finished speaking, but everyone has already curiously looked at my crotch, looking at my crotch! The one who asked before said slowly: It's broken, yet you still insist on coming to work!!

Today, I received a text message: Starting from 12:31 pm, my wife will start sleeping with someone else's husband, and I still happily take care of washing and bathing. There's nothing I can do because he brought a gun. After reading it, I couldn't figure out why there would be such a despicable person. Later, I checked the sender and exclaimed, having a son could lead to such a congratulatory message!!

You accompany your father-in-law to the hospital to see a doctor and happen to meet your brother-in-law who also accompanies his father-in-law to the hospital. At this time, his father-in-law laughs and walks over to your father-in-law and says: Luckily, I also have a daughter!

A boy was dissatisfied with his girlfriend cheating on him, so he followed her to **. Seeing her flirting with another boy, he grabbed a bottle of unknown liquid and rushed forward: I'll disfigure you! How dare you cheat on me! After finishing, he splashed the liquid onto the girl's face. The people nearby were scared off when they saw her face disfigured. The girl was scared but strangely felt no stinging sensation after a while, so she asked: What did you splash on me? The boy said: It's makeup remover!

In the vast universe, there is a magical creature. This creature doesn't play games, doesn't chat on QQ, only studies all day, and is always the top student in the grade. This creature can study nine subjects simultaneously, and its mother no longer worries about its studies... This creature is called "someone else's child"... This creature aims for Tsinghua University, looks up to Peking University, can obtain master's and doctoral degrees, become a saint warrior, and upgrade to gold, platinum, and crystal levels. It doesn't read horoscopes, doesn't watch comics, and curses computers... It is a member of the Youth League, Party member, civil servant, and might someday discover why the Earth is so round. This creature is good-looking, writes beautifully, has excellent report cards, and even its fingernails are double-lidded... This creature feels extravagant, wasteful, and criminal spending just ten yuan per day. This is the Moving China 2011, Top Ten Figures - Someone Else's Child == I have lived for twenty years, always living under the shadow of this mysterious creature...

A six-year-old boy told his father that he wanted to marry the little girl living across the street.

The father, who was a teacher with much experience in educating children, did not laugh at his son.

This is a big deal, the father said: Have you two seriously considered it?

Of course, the boy answered. We'll live in my room one week, and her room the next week. Since our houses are only separated by a street, if I feel scared at night, I can run home.

How will you move things? The father asked.

I'll use my little truck, and we both have our own bikes, the boy answered.

The boy answered all of the father's questions.

Finally, the father gave his son a big challenge, asking: What about kids? You know, once you get married, there may be children.

We've thought about that too, the little boy answered.

We don't plan to have kids yet. If she lays an egg, I'll step on it!

I filled my hard drive with viruses and trojans, stuffed the startup folder with shortcuts, and after restarting for half an hour, I finally saw the familiar desktop. Then 360 told me, 1% of computers nationwide still beat my boot speed.

I was baffled, how could there be such freaks? If this article is reprinted, please indicate: Reprinted from []

This article link address: