When a child is bullied, parents usually adopt two methods: one is to ask the child to report to the teacher after the incident so that the teacher can help solve it directly; some parents cannot bear their children to suffer any loss. When their children have conflicts, especially when they suffer from "violence", they rush in to intervene in the dispute of their children or teach their children to retaliate in kind, "if he is fierce, be fiercer than him". The former method is effective, but this is a countermeasure after the child has been bullied, after all, it's too late; the latter method is unacceptable because it is not conducive to the physical and mental health of the child. So how to prevent children from being bullied? How should we deal with children's conflicts? What should children do if they are bullied?
The "war" between children is not as serious as we adults imagine. It may have nothing to do with bullying and being bullied. Preschool children are in the stage of self-centeredness. They don't know how to share and cooperate, so fighting over toys is common. In addition, due to the lagging development of language, children cannot use language to properly deal with problems with other children, so biting, hitting, and scratching often occur. Some children hit others as a way to show friendliness, but they don't know how to control the force, hurting other children and causing wars.
1. How to avoid children being bullied
1) Teach children to protect themselves
Tell the child not to provoke domineering and strong peers. When bullied, report to the teacher in time for protection.
At the same time, educate the child to protest strongly with sound. Tell the child to shout loudly when facing bullying as a sign of resistance. On the one hand, this can attract the attention of bystanders and get help from others; on the other hand, it is also a warning and demonstration to the bully. After all, the person who bullies others is at fault. Once you shout, he will naturally feel nervous and dare not act recklessly. In addition, children should be educated to make friends with several good friends in daily life. Children in kindergarten should make friends with several good friends, play together, and go out together, so as not to be easily bullied by others, which is also beneficial to psychological development and personality improvement.
2) What to do if the child is bullied?
If you find that your child is bullied in kindergarten, you can report it to the teacher directly. If it is not serious and does not cause harm or damage to the child, there is no need to report it. Friction between children is inevitable, and bumps and bruises are unavoidable. Generally, do not report directly to the school leadership to avoid psychological estrangement with teachers. You can also communicate with the parents of the child who bullied your child and objectively inform them of the facts. Here, it must be emphasized that when communicating with the other party's parents, the attitude must be calm and peaceful, using a consultative or questioning tone, rather than blaming one-sidedly. The three most taboo things when discovering that the child is bullied are: 1) Parents directly punish the person who bullied the child; 2) Parents take the child to the kindergarten to make a big fuss; 3) Secretly inciting the child to use severe means to retaliate against the other party. These approaches are extremely unwise, as they are not conducive to solving problems and may even lead to serious consequences.
2. How to face children's conflicts?
1) Accept the child's emotions
If the child is hit, he is the injured party, and the physical injury and mental fear make him come to his parents for comfort and help. At this time, a scolding from the parents will make the child's uneasy emotions worse. Therefore, parents should fully accept the child's emotions and let the child feel the care of the parents.
2) Understand the reason
Communicate with the child to understand the reasons for such problems. The methods mentioned above are mainly due to less interaction with peers in daily life, so they don't know how to handle some issues when interacting with peers and don't know how to assert their own interests. At this time, what parents need to do is to provide more opportunities for peer interaction for the child.
3) Guide the child to find their own solution
For example, if the child is pressed under another child, just pulling the child away and avoiding the conflict in peer interaction is not enough. Next, parents need to ask the child: "This time mom is here, I can help pull the child away, but next time if the same situation happens and mom is not around, what will you do?" Gradually guide the child to find appropriate methods.
Peer interaction is an essential path for children to share knowledge and experience, establish positive emotions, learn self-regulation, and interpersonal communication. The process of arguing is also a process where children experience, try, and experience interpersonal relationships. Through these processes, children gradually learn to handle their own affairs and are more likely to resolve conflicts in a friendly and cooperative manner, which is more beneficial for the child's development. Parents should give children an independent and autonomous space and opportunity, allowing them to independently face problems and gradually learn to solve them on their own.
3. Make the child stop retreating
The child often locks himself at home, and as soon as a guest comes, he immediately hides in his room. Even in kindergarten, he sits alone in a corner, refusing to move even when the teacher asks him to play games.
Such behavior is called withdrawal behavior in psychology, which mostly occurs in children aged 5-7. Children with this behavior have a common characteristic: they avoid social situations because they feel unfamiliar and scared. Although they are introverted and never take the initiative to interact with other children, they are unwilling to go to unfamiliar environments, especially afraid of strangers. However, when they are in familiar environments with familiar people like their parents, they can still happily talk and play.
Parents should note that normal children may also exhibit withdrawal behavior when suddenly placed in a completely unfamiliar environment or after being frightened by terrifying images. This is normal. Children aged five or six should be lively and innocent, but why do some children develop withdrawal behavior? Psychologists believe this is related to both innate and acquired factors.
In terms of innate factors, it is mainly related to temperament types. For example, children with melancholic and phlegmatic temperaments are shy, timid, slow to react, and introverted. The latter is slow-moving and solitary, not good at communicating with others. Such innate characteristics undoubtedly weaken the adaptability of these children, making them appear particularly restrained in new environments and the adaptation process to new environments is very long.
Acquired factors are more complex, where inappropriate parenting styles play an important role. Some parents are too strict with their children, overly restricting their activities or criticizing them frequently, making them become shy, doubting their abilities, and thus unwilling to interact with others. Some parents spoil their children, doing everything for them, not giving them opportunities to try and exercise, or fearing that they will be bullied by others, keeping them locked up at home to "protect" them, making the child fearful of unfamiliar environments and strangers, naturally leading to withdrawal behavior.
Parents should not underestimate the negative impact of children's withdrawal behavior, as it can cause many psychological problems, such as children not knowing how to interact with others, becoming self-conscious and timid.
Parents need to learn relevant parenting knowledge and understand some scientific parenting methods. Parents should respect their children's desire to explore and support them in contacting new things and new environments. Parents should trust in their children's abilities and give them a certain degree of autonomy. When children are bullied, let them try to do their own things, and they will gradually become brave and independent.
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