Three ways to deal with when a child is bullied _ Tianya Blog _ People with insight are here _ Tianya Community

When a child is bullied, parents usually adopt two methods: one is to ask the child to report the matter to the teacher after it happens, so that the teacher can help solve the problem directly; some parents cannot bear their children to suffer any loss. When their children have conflicts, especially when they are "violently" disadvantaged, they rush in to intervene in their children's disputes, or teach their children to retaliate in kind, "if he is fierce, be fiercer than him". The first method is effective, but it is a countermeasure after the child has been bullied, which is after all too late; the second method is unacceptable because it is not conducive to the child's physical and mental health. So how to prevent children from being bullied? How should we deal with children's conflicts? What should children do if they are bullied?

The "war" between children is not as serious as we adults imagine, and may have nothing to do with bullying and being bullied. Preschool children are in the stage of being self-centered, they don't know how to share and cooperate, and fighting over toys is common. In addition, children's language development lags behind, and they cannot use language to correctly handle problems with other children, which easily leads to biting, hitting, and scratching. Some children hit others as a way to show friendliness, but they don't know how hard to hit, making the other children hurt, thus triggering a war.

1. How to avoid children being bullied

1. Teach children to protect themselves

Tell children not to provoke domineering and strong companions. If a child is bullied, report it to the teacher in time so that the teacher can protect them.

At the same time, educate children to express strong protests with their voices. Tell the children that when faced with bullying, they can shout loudly to resist. On the one hand, this can attract the attention of bystanders and get help from others; on the other hand, it is also a warning and demonstration to the bully. After all, the person who bullies others is at fault. Once you shout, he will naturally feel nervous and dare not act arbitrarily. Also, educate your children to make friends with several good friends in daily life. Children in kindergarten should make friends with several good friends. Playing together and going out in groups makes it less likely for them to be bullied by others, and it is also beneficial for psychological development and personality improvement.

2. What to do if the child is bullied by others?

If you find that your child is bullied in kindergarten, you can directly report it to the teacher. If it is not serious and does not cause harm or damage to the child, there is no need to report it. Friction between children is inevitable, occasional bumps and bruises are unavoidable. Generally speaking, do not report directly to the kindergarten leadership to avoid creating a psychological barrier with the teacher. You can also communicate with the parents of the child who bullied your child and objectively inform them of the facts. It should be emphasized that when communicating with the other party's parents, the attitude must be calm and peaceful. Use a consultative or questioning tone, do not blame one-sidedly. The three most taboo things when you find your child is being bullied are: one, the parent directly intervenes to punish the person bullying the child; two, the parent pulls the child to the kindergarten to make a big fuss; three, secretly inciting the child to severely retaliate against the other party. These approaches are extremely unwise, as they are not conducive to solving problems and may even lead to serious consequences.

2. How to face children's conflicts?

1. Accept the child's emotions

If the child is hit, he is the injured party. The physical harm and mental fear make him seek comfort and help from his parents, and at this time, a scolding from the parents will only exacerbate the child's unease. Therefore, parents should fully accept the child's emotions and let the child feel the care of the parents.

2. Understand the reasons

Communicate with the child to understand the reasons why such problems occur. The methods mentioned above are mainly due to fewer interactions with peers. When encountering problems in peer interactions, they do not know how to handle them and do not know how to assert their own interests. At this point, what parents need to do is provide more opportunities for peer interaction for the child.

3. Guide the child to find their own solutions

For example, if a child is pressed under another child, simply pulling the child away and avoiding conflict in peer interactions is not enough. Next, parents need to ask the child: "This time mom is here, I can help pull the little friend away, but next time if I am not around, what would you do?" Let the child gradually find appropriate methods.

Peer interaction is a necessary path for children to share knowledge and experience, establish positive emotions, learn self-regulation, and interpersonal communication. The process of arguing is also a process where children experience, try, and experience interpersonal communication. Through these processes, children gradually learn to handle their own affairs, and more likely to resolve conflicts in a friendly and cooperative way, which is more beneficial for the development of children. Parents should give children an independent space and opportunity, allowing them to independently face problems and gradually learn to solve problems on their own.

3. Make the child stop retreating

Children often lock themselves up at home, immediately hiding in their rooms whenever guests visit. Even in kindergarten, they sit alone in a corner and refuse to participate in games when the teacher invites them.

Such behavior is referred to in psychology as withdrawal behavior, commonly occurring in children aged 5-7 years old. A common characteristic of these children is that they feel strange and scared in social situations and therefore try to escape. They are introverted, never take the initiative to interact with other children, and are unwilling to go to unfamiliar environments, especially afraid of strangers. However, in familiar environments with familiar people like parents, they can happily talk and play.

Parents should be reminded that normal children may also exhibit withdrawal behavior when suddenly placed in a completely unfamiliar environment or frightened by terrifying scenes. This is normal. Children aged five or six should be lively and cheerful, but why do some children develop withdrawal behavior? Psychologists believe this is related to both innate and acquired factors.

In terms of innate factors, it is mainly related to temperament types. For example, children with melancholic and phlegmatic temperaments are shy, timid, slow to react, and introverted. The former is action-delayed and unsociable, while the latter is slow-moving and unsociable. Such inherent characteristics undoubtedly weaken the adaptability of these children to a great extent, making them appear particularly restrained in new environments and the adaptation process to new environments is very long.

Acquired factors are more complex, and inappropriate parenting styles play an important role. Some parents are too strict with their children, overly restricting their activities or criticizing them frequently, making them become shy and doubt their abilities, thus leading them to be unwilling to interact with others. Some parents spoil their children, doing everything for them, not giving them the chance to try and exercise, or fearing that they will be bullied by others, keeping them at home all day to "protect" them, making them fear unfamiliar environments and strangers, naturally leading to withdrawal behavior.

Parents must not underestimate the negative effects of children's withdrawal behavior, as it can cause many psychological problems for children, such as not knowing how to interact with others, leading to feelings of inferiority and timidity.

Parents need to learn relevant parenting knowledge and understand some scientific parenting methods. Parents should respect their children's desire to explore and support them in contacting new things and environments. Parents should trust their children's abilities and give them a certain degree of autonomy. When children are bullied, let them try to handle their own affairs, and gradually, children will become brave and independent.