Wu Tao, we've been married for a few years now. You might not remember all the grievances I have endured at your family home, so let me recount them for you.
1. On the night of the day I was discharged from the hospital after giving birth, we had dinner at six o'clock. The next morning when I woke up, there was no one in the house, and no one to cook breakfast either. I was so hungry. I wanted to get out of bed and cook myself, but I had just been discharged from the hospital. So I waited, enduring the hunger until almost eleven when your parents finally came back. It wasn't until almost noon that I managed to eat something - just a bowl of rice porridge. Your husband was at home then; he hadn't slept for six days, so I let him sleep... If your parents couldn't take care of me during my confinement period, why didn't they tell me beforehand? Why did I have to endure nearly twenty hours of hunger right after being discharged from the hospital?
After eating just one bowl, I couldn't eat anymore or else my stomach would hurt. They told me to eat more, but how could I when I was already full... When I mentioned that I was hungry, your husband told me that it upset his mother... So it's justified that he wouldn't cook for me...
During the entire month of confinement, except for meal times, there was never anyone at home, only me and the baby. Initially, your husband stayed with us, but soon he went back to work. After he left, whether it was day or night, it was just me and the baby. Every time the baby urinated or defecated and started crying, I had to hold him and walk around alone... No one ever watched the baby for even a moment... On the first night your husband left, your father asked if your mother should stay with me. I thought since they worked during the day, they could rest at night and watch the baby when they had free time... So I said no to having her stay overnight... But even during the day, aside from meal times, there was never anyone around... I've never heard of someone being left unattended during their confinement period...
The worst part was that throughout the whole month, I was constantly hungry... Breakfast was served around five or six in the morning, lunch between twelve and one, and dinner at six or seven. Except for these meal times, there was no one at home... And every day it was just rice porridge, potatoes, and green beans... There was never any meat in the dishes... They bought shrimp a few times, each time cooking about ten... Pig trotters were made three times, twice they weren't fully cooked, and the other time I had your husband use an electric pot because I didn't know how long it should be cooked for. In the end, they were overcooked and couldn't even be picked up... This time I didn't eat much... But how could I eat those that weren't fully cooked? I couldn't bite through them no matter how hard I tried...
By the end of the confinement month, instead of gaining weight, I lost five pounds. I truly thank this wonderful mother-in-law who kept me slim... Other women gain weight and become plump during confinement, but I lost weight, saving me the trouble of dieting...
On the last night of my confinement, your father announced that your mother had been so hardworking, taking care of me while also doing farm work, almost exhausting herself. We must treat her well... More importantly, he mentioned that our confinement cost them over a thousand yuan. The shrimp cost over twenty yuan per catty, which they couldn't afford themselves, yet they gave it all to me... We must treat them well... After saying this, the next day your husband and I went to the city and bought three pieces of clothing for his parents - two for his mother and one for his father... Whenever they say something like this, it's always about asking for things...
Your mother also spoke up, saying that once the confinement period was over, she would no longer take care of anything. We should take care of ourselves. What did she do during the confinement anyway? Washed some diapers and cooked one meal a day. That's all she should do... The only other thing she provided was a few packs of toilet paper... Everything else was bought whenever we returned home each week...
2. As the due date approached but I still hadn't given birth, I sometimes cooked for them at home. They cooked by fire, and I squatted to cook for them... Do you know how uncomfortable my belly was?... I washed my own and your husband's clothes in the yard. At first, your mother saw me washing and offered to help when I was almost done hanging them out to dry. I declined, and she called me hypocritical...
3. During the May Day holiday in 2010, the neighbor's grandma bought a red coat. I saw it on the street with someone else... We both thought it looked nice, though I don't know when your mother saw it... One evening while cooking, she asked me if the red coat the grandma bought was nice. I said yes. She suggested buying one for herself, but I said no... Then she mentioned they were going shopping in the city the next day and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes...
The next day at the mall, your mother directly found that red coat and tried it on, switching stores several times before returning to the first one she tried. I paid for it directly... Wasn't that a good thing to do? I think I did enough...
4. Before marriage, your husband and I agreed not to ask for a dowry, as he was the only child in the family, not adopted, and very close to us. We figured when we bought a house someday, they could contribute some money... And your husband also said they treated him well, so I agreed. However, I never expected reality to be different. Close to the wedding, one evening during dinner, your father-in-law spoke up, saying your husband had grown up and was getting married. It wasn't easy raising him, so they should buy something for his mother, not necessarily for him... At that time, your mother took out 1500 yuan, claiming it was for my ring, but honestly, I didn't want that 1500 yuan... They only had one son, and we didn't ask for anything for our wedding, yet they only gave 1500 yuan... Well, I couldn't complain even if I didn't want it, right? The next day, accompanied by your mother, I bought a ring costing 1500 yuan... We also spent 1500 yuan buying a necklace for your mother... They contributed nothing...
If it were another family, they would prepare everything for their child's wedding without being asked, but your husband's family not only prepared nothing but also asked for money...
At the wedding, your parents bought a bed, a vanity, and a cabinet... They claimed it was for us, but they filled it with their things. When we returned home, I cleaned it up myself to make space for our belongings...
5. After the baby was born, there was an eighth-day celebration and a hundred-day celebration... Again, every time we ate, your parents mentioned how much money they spent on us, calculating the total from the wedding to the hundred-day celebration, amounting to 50,000 yuan... I truly didn't know what they calculated, as we didn't receive a single cent from the gifts we received at the wedding, nor did we see a cent from the gifts for the baby... At the wedding, your husband's uncle alone gave 7,000 yuan... The money they spent beyond what they received actually made them a profit...
Mentioning this once wasn't enough; every time we ate, your father started calculating how much they spent on us...
6. After the baby was born, they bought a few small clothes and diapers. For the hundred-day celebration, they bought two outfits. Everything else the baby used during confinement was bought by your husband every time he returned home. Once, before Sunday, the baby ran out of waterproof pads. I told your mother, suggesting we stop using them, but she said how could we wash the diapers if we didn't use them? How could we wash the diapers if the baby pooped on them? So your mother went to the city and bought some, throwing them onto the bed when she returned home, saying that in the future, your husband should buy more as she didn't have time to buy them for us... This item wasn't necessary anyway, but she insisted on using it because she thought the baby's poop was dirty... Due to this, the baby's bottom was red and covered in little bumps throughout the confinement period...
7. Since they said they wouldn't take care of anything after confinement, I started washing diapers myself the next day. While washing, they occasionally watched the baby. Once I finished washing and was about to carry the baby back into my room, they immediately took the baby away... It was scorching hot outside after confinement, and I always washed diapers at noon. One day, while washing, I became dizzy and couldn't finish, so I went inside to lie down... Later, your mother criticized me for soaking the diapers without finishing... I almost fainted... They didn't help even if they ignored me, yet they still said such things. After confinement, they never helped wash diapers again...
8. After confinement, the baby started having diarrhea, pooping water or foam daily... I was heartbroken and wanted to take the baby to see a doctor, but they said they didn't have time. I said if they didn't have time, I could go myself, but they wouldn't let me... Coincidentally, your husband's grandfather was hit by someone on his way to visit, so your mother went to the hospital every day... Even then, they still didn't take the baby to see a doctor... I guess they should know that the baby's diarrhea was caused by me washing diapers in cold water... My hands soaked in cold water for over two hours daily; how could the baby endure that...
9. Two months after the baby was born, we couldn't live at home anymore, so we rented a place in Pingdu. Even living outside was tough... Your husband earned 1,200 yuan monthly, and rent was 500 yuan... With utilities and other expenses, there was barely anything left... Moreover, we had no savings. Why didn't we have savings? We spent over 10,000 yuan buying things for the wedding... That year, during Spring Festival, your father-in-law said your husband's grandmother was nearing death... After her passing, he would handle the funeral himself, but they didn't have money... We gave them 3,000 yuan... Plus, after having the baby and buying various items, we had no savings left... Thinking about it, how could your husband earn so little after working for so many years...
Since your husband started working, his parents asked him for thousands every day... Not only that, their motorcycle, washing machine, electric scooter, and both elders' phones were all bought by your husband... He gave them quite a lot over the years... Yet now, they don't care about your husband at all...
10. Around the baby's hundred-day celebration, your mother-in-law mentioned that soon after would be her birthday... Your father-in-law said we must treat her well... Later, we celebrated her birthday... Even if he hadn't said it, we would have done it anyway... Later, we celebrated your father-in-law's birthday... But this birthday marked the beginning of your husband's true sadness and disappointment... At that time, we only had over a hundred yuan left... We spent half of it on food and ingredients to bring home... However, during the meal, your father-in-law said they had no money and we shouldn't expect them to spend a single cent... For so many years, whenever they lacked money, they asked your husband for it, and he gave whatever they asked for... Yet they never gave him a single cent, nor spent a penny on him... How could your husband not feel sad? The next day, we left... Previously, no matter how poor we were, we never asked them for money; we always asked my family...
11. After all these incidents, your husband was extremely disappointed, never expecting his father to say such words... Later, one day, your husband and I had a minor disagreement, and I impulsively returned to my parents' home with the baby, who was only four months old. I didn't even have enough money for the train fare home, but I could reach Shijiazhuang, so I went there where my father picked me up... Thinking about it, if I hadn't returned, there would have been no other way out, as we had no money left, and your husband's parents didn't care about anything... So returning was the right decision... We stayed there for three months, eating and spending everything on my parents... When the baby was seven months old and it was almost Spring Festival, your husband came to pick us up... On the train, he specifically called his parents to tell them we'd arrive the next day and asked them to prepare a meal... However, when we arrived, the house was freezing, and they didn't even light the stove... The food was cold too... The baby was only seven months old... Unable to bear it, he caught a cold... We brought four sets of clothes my mother made for the baby, but since the baby was so young, the clothes would get wet... After they got wet, they couldn't dry... Your grandparents didn't buy a single piece of clothing for the baby... They didn't light the stove despite it being a cold winter... One day, it snowed heavily, so I turned on the air conditioner... This was unacceptable... They criticized me, saying I didn't know how to warm the bed... The air conditioner consumes too much electricity... I replied that at my parents' home, they not only heated with radiators but also turned on electric heaters to keep the baby warm... He said he didn't have those conditions... My point wasn't that he should heat with radiators, but even if he didn't care about adults, he should care about a seven-month-old baby... Yet they thought it was wasteful... They complained about spending over a hundred yuan on electricity after the hundred-day celebration... They installed the air conditioner but wouldn't let us use it... Moreover, the air conditioner wasn't bought by them; we bought it in Shijiazhuang and brought it to Shandong... They installed it because they wanted it... That night, I called your husband, who drove home to pick us up that same evening... He was so disappointed... They claim to care about the baby, yet they care like this... That night, he drove us to Qingdao...
12. I raised the child alone until he was fourteen months old... We rarely visited their home...
13. Later, your husband's workplace no longer allowed us to stay there... With his salary of over a thousand yuan monthly, we couldn't afford rent... So we decided to leave the baby with his parents... They agreed to take care of him... Thinking back, although his parents weren't kind to us, we always returned home for holidays and special occasions... From the wedding until moving out, we bought several sets of clothes for his parents... Meanwhile, your husband and I haven't bought ourselves clothes since the wedding due to lack of money... Yet they still criticized us... They complained about the clothes we bought them being cheap and accused us of boasting about prices... I bought them out of filial piety, yet they said such things... I was extremely disappointed...
14. After leaving the baby with them, we started looking for a place to live since our lease was expiring... Looking for a place to rent in Qingdao was eye-opening... A one-bedroom apartment cost over a thousand yuan... Finally, we found a relatively cheaper one for a thousand yuan monthly... The real estate agent fee was also a thousand yuan... Rent alone costs over ten thousand yuan annually, plus a thousand yuan deposit... But we didn't have a single cent... We were so worried... Whom could we borrow from? Certainly not from his parents, as they wouldn't care... Eventually, your husband borrowed from Zhongtian Shengshi... We're truly grateful, otherwise, we wouldn't have had money for rent and nowhere to live...
Before looking for a place, we visited the baby once without bringing any gifts... As soon as we entered their home, your mother-in-law's first words were criticizing us for coming home without bringing anything, only spending their money... Your husband didn't respond, but I said we had no money... At that time, we didn't even know where to borrow the rent from, yet they still said such things... Worse still, previously, every time we brought gifts home, your father-in-law would say that with the baby at home, we didn't need to worry or bring gifts... But this time, since we didn't bring anything, they criticized us upon entering... Your father-in-law didn't say a word...
In December, your husband returned home late at night, around seven or eight o'clock... He informed his parents at five o'clock that he was coming back... Yet there wasn't even a hot meal waiting for us... Your husband went to the supermarket and bought instant noodles to eat... Would other families treat their children who rarely return home this way? Your husband said he was used to it since he could take care of himself... But I didn't like it... If they didn't cherish us, why should we bother going back?
We didn't go home for the Spring Festival in 2012, and it wasn't my fault... Because of something your mother-in-law said earlier that was unbearable... Previously, your husband asked me to endure, but this time I couldn't... She said that if we had asked for a dowry when we got married, she wouldn't have allowed it... What kind of talk is that? I didn't ask for a dowry, yet she still complained that I didn't buy clothes for your husband... She mentioned that the wife of your husband's brother spent three or four thousand yuan on clothes for the wedding... I really don't know whose wife she is talking about...
I see they are driven mad by poverty...
I married your husband not because of any family reasons, mainly because he is a good person...
I'll write more later... I'm tired...
I never want to return to your husband's home for the rest of my life... Renting a place outside with your husband forever is fine; I just don't want to step into his home again... Your husband knows every grievance I've endured... Previously, he always asked me to endure, but after over two years, I can't endure anymore... If I endure, it will be for a lifetime... I don't want to live like this...
Your husband wants me to go back and talk about these issues... I don't want to go back... What's the point of talking? His mother is still the same, treating us the same way... Talking is the same as not talking... Why waste words? Your husband says if I don't speak up, everyone will think it's my fault... I don't care what others think... I've done enough...
How can there be such a big difference among family members? In our hometown, let alone families with only one child, even those with two or three ensure each child has a wedding house, and all are two-story buildings covering hundreds of square meters... Dowries and everything else are indispensable... All the money for weddings comes from the elders, and the gifts collected go to the son and daughter-in-law... Parents prepare everything for their children... Comparatively, your husband is an only child and very filial, yet he ends up with nothing... He is worse off than everyone else... Why is this so...