Tonight, the drizzle falls gently, and the glass windows are covered with bright droplets of water...
There is a faint sense of sadness, a quiet desolation, just like the continuous drizzle outside the window. It flows in my heart, forming a shallow river of sorrow, quietly dampening my eyes and soul.
In that shallow river of sadness, I see many people, many events, resembling flowing sand, slipping through my fingers and seeping through the cracks between them. Before I can clench my fists, they have already scattered with the wind, leaving no trace behind.
I always remember a line of poetry by Xu Yu: "The light from the neighboring window has been wiped away, leaving the curtain within dim and yellow."
The desolate meaning of this poem has lingered in my heart since the moment I read it, until today.
It tells the story of Xu Yu, a wanderer far from home, who on a sleepless night, proudly listens to the deepening footsteps of the night. The only thing that could accompany his lonely mood - the "light from the neighboring window" - has also gone out.
How deeply etched must that feeling of loneliness be?
For a long time, this feeling of loneliness has hovered deep within me. Often, I feel as if the heart wandering in the wilderness has no place to call home.
Once upon a time, that wandering heart seemed to see the "dim yellow light behind the curtain," but when I drew near, I realized that the "dim yellow light behind the curtain" hadn't been wiped away by the neighboring window; it was originally just a dream!
For a very long time, I've always felt that my heart is filled with too many tears, as if my whole being is submerged in them. So, a long time ago, I wanted to find a suitable place to cry my heart out and release some of those tears. Unfortunately, I never had such an opportunity, unable to find a place or reason to cry.
Now, even crying has become a luxury!
So today, I can only continue to face everyone with a false smile. In others' eyes, I have always been a happy person. Thinking about it, sometimes people are indeed hypocritical - why don't we dare to reveal our true emotions? It's a rather tragic thing.
It's raining...
I think: Can I cry now?
I really want to cry, but I didn't. You would laugh, you would say I should be happy.
I don't complain to anyone because I am hypocritical. I wrap my troubles in smiles. Even when I want to cry, I still try hard to hide my tears, so you think I am happy.
It's raining, the clouds are low and gray. In the crowd, I suddenly feel like crying, really, my tears can't be held back anymore. I have to look up, blinking my eyes, hoping these liquids will flow into my stomach, my heart, anywhere, as long as no one sees them. I know I still can't cry here.
When I was born, it was raining, but generally, people perceive me as full of sunshine. I hope to bring happiness to people - what reason is there to write sadness on my face and let others share my burden?
So when do I let my tears flow?
I have every reason to enjoy life because I love her. I cherish every moment of happiness, listening to the singing of each bird, watching how spring grass sprouts, watching how flowers bloom. I firmly believe I am an optimistic child, but a child's heart is more fragile than yours. Children often need to shed tears...
It's raining, Kunshan is someone else's city. Can I cry?
It's raining, this rain truly makes me sadder...
Can I cry? Where can I go?
Tonight, the drizzle falls gently. The mist outside the window becomes increasingly dense. There's a feeling in my heart that I cannot let go of, so mournful, my heart feels as vast and indistinct as the twilight...