The messy and accumulated words of a bad mood are often incomprehensible, but still have to be written. If they can't be written, they can't be sorted out, and it's hard for people to get out of a difficult situation. I've always cried when I wanted to cry, laughed when I wanted to laugh, and didn't become hypocritical because the world was false. Maybe this is considered immature, maybe my friends (you know who I'm talking about) will scold me for being sentimental, but I really just want to be sentimental once, take everything out, expose it, sort it out, and then put it back when I work.
Just in time, the continuous heavy rain and the injuries from the ball game gave me enough time to rest at home, organize my emotions, reflect on my own problems, and consider how to live a positive life in the future. My inability to control my own emotions often easily hurt the ones I love deeply. As previously said: emotions are devils, releasing them harms others, keeping them harms yourself. I used to be very calm, rarely quarreled or got angry with others; I have always been positive, striving for a better life and happiness. But recently, my emotional changes have been like China's stock market, making people happy and worried.
In fact, everyone understands the principles, but when it comes to their own situations, it's not as simple as reason dictates. People's happiness often comes unexpectedly, beyond expectations, occasionally obtained. Many people have fate, but not the right share. Fate is like a book; reading it poorly leads to missing it, while reading it thoroughly makes one cry.
I have always warned myself to be good to myself, think more for others, but live for myself... But this time, I made a decision that no one could understand, rejecting someone, and possibly hurting the pure and kind person I have always loved. To the person I denied, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just don't want to talk to you yet, Tongchuan weather.
Talking about love, actually most of the time two people will be happy together. If they can still be together even when they're unhappy, then they must truly love each other. Love is a matter between two people, requiring heart-to-heart communication. I am sure that I love, because no matter how recklessly I vent my emotions, I still think of your eyes, your figure, even miss you pinching my ears, laughing at my neck, thinking of any moment brings a smile to my lips. I am not a perfect person, not the standard man in the eyes of post-80s women; sometimes I may be petty, play a little temperament, make a little pose; sometimes I may encounter unhappiness and drink heavily in an immature way. However, I really need someone to point out, persuade, and keep me, and I will change and stay. I am sad, but I will walk out and become a sunny big boy, not always indulging in my own sorrowful world, regardless of what personality and reasons, at the age of 30, as a man, should start to become gentle and cheerful, although I also need a patient and tolerant person by my side to help me find my inner world.
Loving someone too much might lose her. For a person, if there is always resentment, forever remembering some harm, then it still shows not understanding love. Yes, love has hate, hating oneself for why paying so much, and getting such results in the end, but in fact, everyone is paying, maybe paid, but many things are really uncontrollable, obviously having love, yet unable to control. After losing, even though feeling regretful, eager to see it reappear; after leaving, feeling sad, regretful, yet eagerly hoping to hold on, thinking everything can go back to the past; those mistakes, happened, embarrassed, helpless, sad, yet urgently pretending it never happened, pretending it didn't disrupt anyone's life, pretending I absolutely don't care. A small bump in life can completely change the direction of choice. If we met earlier, maybe we wouldn't have held hands with another person, or if we met later, slowly learning tolerance and understanding, kindness and compromise in our respective experiences, maybe when we came together, we wouldn't give up so easily, turn around rashly, and let go of love.
Talking about friends, I really want to say, true friends and confidants usually appear colder than cheats in daily life. When you really need them, they can parachute into your side. People who stick together every day cannot be called bosom friends. True friends won't completely occupy your time without consideration, regardless of what you're doing, directly interfere with your life. My real good friends might not meet for a month. And the people who surround me every day, how are they? They are there where they are, and those who aren't can't be forced. Meeting different people with different moods, there's no need to open up all your knots and offer everything, I thank those who have always cared about me, and also thank those friends who have always criticized me, growth really needs many people and things.
A person cannot be too selfish, cannot feel that others are taking your things because someone new enters your friend circle; cannot require others to only have you as their best friend, only belong to you. Must consider others' feelings, and also be an appropriate self in this circle, not blindly believe some things. Lies are scary, but everyone spreads rumors. Isn't it? The person who is with you behind your back sowing discord, saying who sent messages to whom, what was said, good or bad, true or false, you hear them all and use them as standards to measure and understand me, unwilling to stop and quietly listen to me. This is your problem.
In this world, interacting with certain people is inherently a kind of harm to oneself and those around you. What their quality and character are like, you'll see when you mature. On this point, setbacks have taught me a lot. I have no way, it's a free era, I have no right to interfere, I can only endure the sadness and watch. It's not that I don't want to protect you, it's that you don't give me the right and opportunity.
Therefore, real communication and the test of time can make one more confident in some things. What is heard, unclear situations, it's best to pause, consider before making decisions. Yes, I also have this flaw. "Gossip can destroy reputations." The truth takes time, sometimes even our eyes deceive us, let alone others' eyes and what others say.
In fact, saying all this, many things I say, I do not well, or even can't do. But after sorting it out, changes must be made. A woman who loves me won't accept me because she wants to constantly change me, thinking I'm moldable. Loving means loving me now, accepting my unchanging decades. If wanting to accept me and change me, it would be unfair and irresponsible to both of us. However, self-change and improvement will happen in the future. You've also said that the comb's husband changed little before and after marriage, yet the comb is satisfied.
I also hope my friends can accompany each other in the days ahead. So when we are complex and can't sort it out, what we can do is find a quiet place, quietly think, understand how to act so as not to lose precious things and important people again, understand how to act so the same mistakes won't happen again. Learn from experience, draw strength, continue to move forward firmly, seek beloved things, meet true love, and do the right thing.
Thank you Fei and Wen, thank you all who have always cared about me. These few days, I don't want to go anywhere, don't want to deal with anything, just want to quietly stay at home and spend time with my parents.
Written for myself, also sent to you, I just want to say I haven't given up, and I won't mention leaving.