I was very puzzled when I saw the title. Divorce is because of personality differences, so why were they together in the first place? It's just a seemingly righteous excuse for not wanting to continue with the marriage. There is no such thing as two people being naturally suited or unsuited for each other. It's about adapting and compromising while being together. It's about tolerance, understanding, and mutual support. We should cherish the beauty of marriage and also cherish the people around us.
(Full Text) Frequently, we hear people say: "So-and-so divorced So-and-so because of personality differences." In marriage, what kind of personalities are considered compatible and what kind are considered incompatible? Actually, there are no lovers or couples who are absolutely unsuitable, nor are there any who are definitely suitable. How far a marriage can go depends on both parties' attitudes towards marriage. In other words, it depends on whether both sides can correctly deal with the problems faced in marriage.
What kinds of problems does marriage bring to both parties? After many years of consultation, we have summarized the following "incompatibilities":
1. Differences in living habits. A marriage contract brings two separate individuals together into a small family, thus making them closely related. Before marriage, each person only needs to take care of their own life. After marriage, both need to not only manage their own lives but also appropriately take care of the other party, getting used to their lifestyle, and considering the other person's feelings. Therefore, both need to make appropriate changes to adapt to each other, gradually forming a new and relatively stable living pattern that belongs to the two of them. In this living pattern, both should be satisfied and comfortable. In marriage, what troubles us are usually not big things, but rather these omnipresent trivial matters like living habits. If not handled properly, the accumulation of these trivial matters will eventually lead to a marital crisis.
2. Conflicts over money distribution. Both parties need to reach a consensus on how to allocate money. In today's family structure, both husband and wife generally have their own careers and economic incomes. In quite a few families, the woman's income exceeds the man's. How to allocate the family's economic income so that both husband and wife are satisfied is an important issue. Through our many years of consultation, we have found that among those seeking marital counseling at the consultation center, a significant proportion of conflicts are caused by money issues.
3. Disharmony in the couple's sexual life. Sex is a very important part of marriage. If there is disharmony in sexual life in marriage, and after examination, there is no physiological disease present, then most of it is due to psychological factors. After problems occur, it is necessary to seek help from a psychologist in time; this is not something embarrassing to talk about. The perfect combination of sex and love can enhance both parties' satisfaction and happiness in marriage. Among the couples or lovers who book consultations through our consultation hotline and customer service QQ, the problem of disharmony in sexual life occupies a very large proportion.
4. Differences in thinking patterns. Understand the huge differences between male and female thinking patterns, and do not rashly judge the other party's words and actions based on your own subjective assumptions. We often encounter situations where, during joint marital counseling, both parties describe the same event completely differently. This phenomenon occurs because both have added their own understanding of the event. Quite a few couples doing consultations in the consulting room start arguing on the spot, and the counselor can see exactly where the differences in thinking lie: one party's intended meaning is completely different from the other party's understanding. Such great differences in thinking patterns make it difficult not to generate conflicts. Through in-depth analysis by the psychologist, under the guidance of the counselor, both parties understand each other's thinking patterns, which can eliminate the root cause of the conflict.
5. Relations between both families. After marriage, it is not only necessary to face the other party, but also to face and handle the relationship with the other party's family. Do not naively think that marriage is just about two people. Marriage is about two families. If you expect the other party to treat your parents and family in a certain way, then you should treat their parents and family in the same way.
6. Being bad at expressing and reciprocating emotions. Always remember, the family is not a court; home is a place for sentiment, not for reason. Being too rational makes interactions between the couple dull and tasteless. Learn to feel the expression of love in the other party's daily life, and learn to appropriately express your own love. For example, when your partner gives you a rose, if you say, "Look at someone else, he gave his partner a diamond ring, and you only give me a worthless rose!" When the other party's intention is not valued but instead despised, would they still want to do something thoughtful for you? In marriage, knowing how to protect the other party's precious affection and knowing how to express your own affection is crucial. Don't guess the other party's intentions, nor assume that they can fully understand yours. Love should be expressed appropriately, and being loved should be happily accepted.
7. Possessiveness or complete dependence on the other party. The two people in a marriage are first independent individuals, and then the spouse of the other. Their relationship intersects yet remains independent, giving both parties some freedom, allowing them to experience respect and trust. Maintaining an independent self allows oneself to continuously improve in terms of character, personal charm, or career, bringing fresh energy to the marriage and life, and enabling both parties to grow together. Only when both parties develop together and jointly build a new family can they form a lasting and stable marital relationship. Focusing solely on possessing or completely depending on the other party often restricts one party's development. Such a marriage is unbalanced, and sooner or later, one party will feel suffocated.
Some people say: "Marriage is so complicated, it's scary!" In fact, marriage is not that terrifying. We should not be afraid of problems arising in marriage. If these problems are handled well, they can become turning points in marriage. As long as one has the heart, everyone can create a happy marriage. A happy marriage does not mean a perfect marriage. The word "happy" refers to a marital relationship that can bring love and enjoyment to both parties. When you feel that your marriage has already been hurt, do not give up easily. Seek timely marital counseling from a psychologist. The growth brought by marriage is immeasurable. Actively striving to get out of this period of gloom often leads to a broader horizon!