January 4th. Tang Xiaopang came and went, rarely seeing the harsh sunlight in Guten. I increasingly want to go. I think I'm definitely going to take the exam without studying. In the evening, while reading in the dormitory, I can barely focus. My mood is very bad. I've never been one to move easily. There's a kind of boldness deep within me. I've set aside my pride for you. But you only see my arrogance. January 5th. It's now completely fifteen degrees Celsius. Listening to the radio DJ say that it has started to snow lightly in Changsha. I informed some people. However, it seems they haven't seen it yet. What a pity. A friend standing by the waterwheel saw this first snowfall. Softly, blackly, like dandelions. In the red-like sky, there's a kind of gentle beauty. Tang Dafei is already asleep. Always sleeps when he wants to. After saying goodnight briefly, regardless of what you really want to say, he goes online and falls asleep. Perhaps that's out of sight, out of mind. After finishing a round of idle chatter, I feel quite desolate. What's the point of making a fuss all alone? Am I not tired? I am truly a foolish girl. Arguing with myself. Even if I get angry about Changde cuisine, who will care? Tang Xiaopang went home, each day having their own affairs, idling on the internet, busy contacting long-lost brothers and friends, idling by cooking, busy helping with chores... I consider myself pretty good at comforting myself. Is that right or wrong? My loneliness. Tang Xiaopang ignored me all morning. Lying in the dormitory, no desire to read. Early to rise, late to bed. I want to return to the shade. At 15:35, our dormitory surged towards the examination room to occupy seats. Sigh... Tang Xiaofei said he failed English. I'm thinking how many subjects I'll fail. Ha ha. Exams start today, getting closer to returning home! Excellent excellent! January 6th. 9 o'clock exam on management. Eyes closed at 7:30. Really can't keep them shut. Alas... children taking exams suffer so much. I'm afraid I might fall asleep during the exam... Hahaha. Management exam finished. Someone like me who hasn't even encountered management, scribbled a few lines, ended up writing a thousand words. I'm really impressed with myself. Truly amazed at Changde storefront transfers. The fire in my belly isn't ordinary small. Full of heart fire too. In the afternoon, Chinese language, the subject that makes me burst into heart fire! Curse her mother! The seat I occupied was taken by someone else! I really want to spew water! Geography changed! Chinese exam finished. If my head could be used as a ball to kick after failing Chinese! Cry to the heavens! Hahaha. Only three more exams left. People who are memorizing English even while using the restroom deserve my sincere admiration. Speaking of which, if Tang Dafei were like this, he wouldn't have failed English. Unfortunately. Today's computer exam. Without a trial like Fan Ge's, results could go either way. I don't believe my karma is good enough for everything to go perfectly... Originally, missing wasn't that terrifying. Actually, I can also do without longing, without remembering. Even if I cry later, this faint sadness in my eyes will still leave me. I will try to find myself again. Isn't that what you hope for? Arrogant, picky, sour, strict - all your favorites, right? Hehe, I am gradually finding my way back to myself step by step. I hate myself for traveling alone, indifferent to blood ties. I love everyone who worries about me. If you also love me, please tell me softly! Haha. January 7th. 6 PM. By this time, everyone should be sound asleep. But I was awakened from a nightmare. I dreamed of Dad. Dreamed of a talking dog. Of course, these were two different dreams. Dad in the dream had changed. Moved to a new house, got a new little dog, even planned to change his children. Dad never appeared in the dream. I forgot that at the end of the dream, I wrote a letter to Dad. In the dream, I said this would be the last time I call you Dad. In the dream, I somehow saw my childhood self. From babbling to growing up beautifully. All four stages of me, I saw clearly. The dream was so vivid, Changde car network. Therefore, I felt terrified and woke up startled. As for what I said to the dog, it's all blurry now. Hey... They say daydreams reflect daytime thoughts. Am I homesick? I caught a slight cold. This summer doesn't feel like summer at all. Originally, I thought I knew nothing about computers! I'm really a genius. Shouldn't fail, right? Two subjects left! Let's go for it! Getting up from bed to cook is a difficult process. I'm hungry... Listening to "A Curtain of Dreams" on my phone. Just heard about Lu Ping's leg being amputated. Chu Lian's guilt made me sigh. Too bad for his love with Zi Liang. For him, regarding Lu Ping, it's just sympathy. Not about love. January 8th. English. Must fail. About English, I don't want to say much, you understand. Alas... The days until returning home are getting fewer. This feeling in my mouth is gradually fading. Recently, I always wake up suddenly around five in the morning. Don't know why. Tomorrow, I will return to the shade. Hehe. Lying in bed looking at math problems. I really found it funny. Finally, my eyes gave up because they hurt too much, so I decided to rest. Hmm... No, that's not right! January 10th. Even though I know I can't walk far tomorrow, I'm still walking, gaining insights. I really discovered that I've missed out on a lot of things in Changde real estate. Today's actions were something I didn't expect. I actually hurt myself. So lightly. What I want is actually very simple, very simple. Is it because it's too complicated that it's hard to achieve? Don't know who said "Dying is actually very easy, hard is living on." Hmm, I just want to live well and love well, no matter how hard. A sentence from a city defense lady: Do you know what love is? Love is two people understanding each other silently, yearning for each other. Two hearts only have each other, crying together, laughing together, that's love. "Little Head," "Little Brother" are the best nicknames I've ever heard. January 12th. It's been several days since I returned. Haven't recovered yet and caught a cold. Sigh... Everyone, take care of your health! January 14th. I'm going back home today because Dad has returned. January 16th. Baby went out to sing with friends, not sure if they'll get drunk. I'm stuck at home unable to accompany them. Lonely at home. Sigh... One grade result hasn't come out yet, waiting. January 17th. Today is the big New Year's Eve. Watching everyone celebrate happily. Waiting for the small New Year to collect money. January 18th. The grand New Year just passed, and the small New Year is coming soon. Recently, I've become obsessed with Hubei TV's historical drama "Zhen Huan Zhuan." It's quite interesting, recommended for everyone to watch. January 18th. Lying in bed unable to sleep, wanting to write something. In fact, there's no hurdle we can't get over. In life, we won't forever avoid mistakes. I'm thinking that perhaps the answers are already placed in our hearts. Ultimately, action is more important than anything else. Cherish, I truly understand the meaning of these two words. Face the mistakes, don't avoid them, don't retreat. January 20th. First of all, congratulations on passing all my exams! Worthy of celebration indeed! Life is full of disappointments, but we all have choices. Whether it's friends, family, or lovers, it's as if everything is pre-arranged. When we meet certain people, when we fall in love with certain people, when we part ways, when we tangle in love. Everything is beyond our imagination. If we knew we'd suffer so much pain in the future, we wouldn't choose to love. Unfortunately, life has never been predictable. Just like life can never be rewound. On the eve of the small New Year. My headache is somewhat better. Old scenery of a new year. Look, the sun has come out. This is a good omen. The year 2012 has arrived, are you ready to welcome us? Haha. January 25th. I've reached Changyan. I might return tomorrow, or maybe stay here for a few days. My sister has another month before giving birth, and I'm about to become an aunt. Hehe. I've always envied my younger sister and sister-in-law. Now I'm about to have my own child. My sister is truly blessed, although my sister-in-law may lack the so-called feminine charm, she is absolutely a good woman, one who will cherish and adore my sister for a lifetime. January 29th. Haven't updated my diary for several days because I caught a cold. Living an upside-down life, my fragile body can't handle such折腾... Sigh... February 1st. The weather is great today. I've never been one to care about what others think of me. Some things aren't worth defending because I disdain them. For instance, when some people say strange things against me, I just laugh it off. Life is short, and doing a lot in limited time is exhausting. Reality is cruel, I just want to preserve a bit of self. Not betraying myself, not harming others. Regardless of rumors or gossips, I follow my heart, liking those I like, loving Tang Xiaopang. February 4th. Life without passion. Now I'm back in the valley, feeling nothing. Everything ends today.