1. A man went into the toilet, just closed the door, when he heard from next door: "Are you here?" He said, "Yeah." But he thought, who is this guy next door? Do I know him? Weird! Then he heard again from next door: "Why are you here?" He replied angrily: "To poop, what else would I be doing here?!" Next door asked again: "When will you leave?" He thought, this guy must be crazy! Annoyed, he said: "After I'm done!!" Then next door asked again: "Can you come over here later? Okay?" The man was shocked: SHIT! He's gay! He cursed: "Go die, pervert!" Next door said again: "Alright, let's hang up for now, I'll call you back later. There's an idiot next to me now, always interrupting me!"
2. A woman was walking at night and suddenly saw a man with his arms open coming towards her, ready to embrace her. She kicked him. The man cried on the ground: "This is the third time, who did I offend, it's so hard to bring home a piece of glass?"
3. Ge You went to the toilet. Once, Ge You invited friends for dinner, and went to the toilet halfway through. When he came back, there was a big wet spot on his pants.
Friend: "Why are your pants wet?"
Ge You: "Since I became famous, this happens often."
Friend: "Often?"
Ge You: "Yes, often! People around me are peeing and suddenly turn around and shout: 'Isn't that Ge You!'"
4. Lucky 52 produced a real joke, even Li Yong collapsed laughing! PART1: A couple guessing food names, the wife gesturing while the husband guesses. On the big screen, the word "steamed bun" appeared.
Wife describes: "Round, white, edible."
Husband: "..."
Wife continues describing: "Just white, soft, you ate it last night!"
The husband seemed very anxious and blurted out: "mimi!"
Li Yong collapsed laughing...
5. Asking for money. Once on a bus ride home, after getting on, I found no one-yuan coins in my wallet, anxiously pulled out a ten-yuan note to put in the coin slot. Later, feeling more and more frustrated, I negotiated with the driver whether he could let me stay by the door and take the money that should go into the coin slot from the next station passengers? The driver agreed.
The bus quickly arrived at the next stop, many people rushed to get on. I blocked the door and said to the first passenger: "Give me the money." The person looked surprised: "Why?" Unable to explain in words, I said: "Just give it to me, don't worry about anything else." The person looked at the driver, the driver nodded in agreement. Thus, I got one yuan. Following the same method, I soon collected eight one-yuan coins. Then a big man came up, muscular and tattooed. Seeing me blocking him, he angrily asked: "What are you doing, buddy?" I said: "I'll tell you later, just give me the money first." His eyes widened: "What are you talking about?" I said: "Give me the money!" He opened his mouth wide and asked the driver: "What's this guy doing?" The big man blocked the door, the people behind couldn't get on, and the people inside were eager to leave, so everyone started shouting: "What's all the fuss about! Just give the money!" The big man quickly caved in. He took out his wallet and handed it over, looking sad and saying: "Boss, this is all I have, you're too many, I give up."
6. This afternoon, I was chatting with a group of female colleagues, and suddenly someone said I wasn't a man.
I got angry and said, "If you say I'm not, I'll show you."
The girls laughed, one of them was especially bold and said, "Show us then... ~~~~~~~~~~~~"
So I took out my ID card.
7. None of them could survive after reading, they all died laughing. Today is my birthday, my girlfriend called early to say she would come to my place to celebrate my birthday and bring me a surprise! After hearing this good news, I worked extra hard today, visiting more than ten clients! Back at the company, it was already 3 PM, and when I went to the cafeteria, there was only one dish and soup left: stir-fried three beans (stir-fried soybeans, green peas, and peas) and radish soup. No choice, having run around all morning visiting clients, my stomach was growling, so I ordered a large plate of stir-fried three beans and a big bowl of radish soup and started eating! Unexpectedly, as work was ending, my stomach sounded like an off-road jeep engine - starting intense piston activities! Suddenly, gas was rushing out of my body in waves! I quickly ran to a place where no one was, and my stomach began to softly hum, but soon turned into a series of popping sounds like gunfire! My stomach was so bloated! And right at that moment, my girlfriend called, saying she was already home and asking me to come home quickly. Sigh, no choice but to go home, hoping she wouldn't see my embarrassing state!
On the way home, I deliberately let out many farts. Getting close to home, my stomach felt much better, and I thought there shouldn't be any more problems. Far away, I saw my girlfriend waiting by the door, she looked happy. She shouted, "Dear, tonight, I prepared a very surprising gift for you."
Before entering the door, she tightly covered my eyes with a cloth, saying it was a surprise! She led me to sit in the chair at the head of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I felt the urge to fart again. Just at that moment, my girlfriend's phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse saying I didn't like the noise and asked her to answer the phone in another room! She insisted that I couldn't uncover the cloth covering my eyes and made me swear again! Then she went to another room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, shifted all my weight onto one leg, and let out the fart. This fart was not only loud but also smelled like rotten eggs. I almost couldn't breathe, so I grabbed the cushion and waved it vigorously in all directions, trying to fan away the foul smell.
Just as I started feeling a little better, another fart came. I lifted my leg again and started letting it out, it sounded like a diesel engine running fast, and this time the smell was even worse. To prevent myself from suffocating, I used my arm to wave the cushion around, hoping the smell would dissipate quickly.
Again, just as everything was about to return to normal, another fart rushed in impatiently. So I stood up, bent over, and raised my butt upward and backward! Letting it out, this fart truly deserved to be called top-notch, even blowing the newspaper behind me onto the floor..........
I listened carefully to the sound of my girlfriend talking in the other room, since I had promised not to peek, I dared not remove the blindfold, and could only keep letting out farts in the darkness, trying to quickly expel all the gas in my stomach without making the room smell worse! I unfastened my belt, pulled down my underwear and pants to below my belly, exposed my butt, and cautiously opened the door to the balcony behind me, almost sticking my entire butt out onto the balcony, and started letting out farts wildly....
Ah! Much better! Afterwards, I danced around the room, waving the cushion everywhere, praying the awful smell would quickly disappear... Like this, in the next ten minutes or so, I kept letting out farts while continuously waving the cushion, finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach had both improved greatly! I quickly fastened my pants, tidied my hair, and started elegantly and smilingly waiting for my beloved to bring me a surprise.
As she approached, I smiled contentedly, looking tenderly. First, my girlfriend apologized for her long phone call, then asked if I had secretly uncovered the cloth. After I assured her I hadn't peeked, my girlfriend removed the cloth covering my eyes and said to me, "Surprised? My girlfriend insisted I bring them to meet you today, they said you look handsome in photos! Look! The five sitting at the dining table are all my good sisters from work, and the six standing on the balcony are my best friends from school!"
At this point, I was extremely shocked and terrified to find a bunch of girls sitting across the dining table from me, and another bunch standing on the balcony behind me, all attending this birthday party that I found unexpectedly surprising. Now, each of their faces showed an indescribable expression looking at me, as if they had discovered a Martian................
8. A greedy little dog jumped onto the dining table looking for food, and found a roasted chicken. Just as it was about to eat, the owner suddenly shouted: "If you dare touch that chicken, I'll do the same to you!" So the dog licked the chicken's butt.
9. Our female colleague yesterday took the bus to the bank. On the bus, there was a young woman dressed very brightly.
A pervert went over, stood behind her, and kept touching her physically.
The woman was furious, turned around and loudly cursed: "Why are you pushing?! "
At this moment, the bus was quiet, after several seconds of silence, the pervert answered: "One push"
At the time, the whole bus burst into laughter. Our colleague said that originally a few boys wanted to help the girl, but they also couldn't stop laughing, and when the bus stopped, the pervert got off.
10. Once while shopping, I suddenly felt a stomachache, so I went into the street corner's 199 Eat All You Want Hotpot restaurant, wanting to borrow the toilet. However, I couldn't find it on the first floor, so I ran upstairs. Upstairs was still under renovation, empty with nothing, but I found a toilet with a sign *Out of Order, Please Do Not Use*. I really couldn't hold it anymore, regardless of the warning, since there was no one around, I pulled down my pants and squatted over the toilet, pitter-patter... so refreshing!! After finishing, I went downstairs and found no one there, strange, during dinner time, the first floor was full of guests before, how did it become empty all of a sudden?? Even the waiters and receptionists were gone... So I approached the counter and asked: "Is anyone here? Why is no one here?" At that moment, a male waiter crawled out from under the counter and said: "... When the poop fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan, weren't you there? Lucky you!"
11. An escapee fled from the prison where he had been detained for fifteen years. He broke into a house looking for food and money, but found a young couple in bed.
Then, he ordered the husband to get out of bed and tied him to a chair. Next, he tied the wife to the bed, kissed her neck for a long time, and then went into the bathroom.
While the escapee was in the bathroom, the husband said to his wife: "Listen, this man must be an escapee, just look at his clothes. He must have been in prison for too long, hasn't seen a woman for years, you can tell from how he kissed your neck. If he wants to sleep with you, don't resist, don't complain, do what he says, no matter how he treats you, satisfy his demands. He must be very dangerous, if he gets angry, he might kill us both. Hold on, baby, I love you."
The wife said: "He didn't kiss my neck, he whispered in my ear. He told me he's gay, and he thinks you're disgusting, and asked me if we have any Vaseline at home. I told him it's in the bathroom. Hold on, baby, I love you too."
Friends~ if you laughed, please support it~