Written by Xiao Pan QQ

Author: Xiaopan QQ: 709526311

I have discovered that time always seems so cruel. The memories that were once beautiful still remain to this day. As they gradually fade with time, they eventually dissipate on the edges of time. Recalling past events still causes a lingering pain in my heart. I thought I could just forget, but the shadows of the past follow every step of reality, urging my scarred heart until it pierces through my soul.

The past is the past. We can never go back to how things were before. In a daze, everything seems to have returned to the starting point. That past self of mine was simple and carefree, pale like a blank sheet of paper, and stubborn like a child. Time cannot take me back to the past, and I am always sincerely portraying love in the aftermath of life. Without you, sometimes I reminisce about the past, foolishly guarding those memories alone, hiding in an inconspicuous corner, yearning for all the beauty we once had. Sometimes, people need to learn to forget, to save themselves. The years filled with love, pain, and hurt slowly turn into illusions with the passage of time. When everything becomes fleeting clouds, we also forget everything we don't want to remember.

All along, our feelings have been like a luxury, an endless hope without resolution. In your eyes, everything was just fiction. In this movie called love, we were never the main characters. I couldn't capture your figure, as if unable to touch our past, which seemed as intangible as air. I once thought I could pretend as if nothing ever happened, thinking that deleting this memory would allow me to move on with a smile. But both intentionally and unintentionally, everything remains in my mind. The inner pain ultimately becomes unbearable due to the weakness of my spirit.

NO1: Those memories from the past, I have never forgotten them. Remember when we were kids, talking about our troubles late at night, pouring out our sorrows to each other. We would appreciate the surroundings in unfamiliar yet familiar streets, weaving through bustling and noisy streets and markets together. Such a you, who would always send a greeting message during holidays; such a you, who subtly showed concern for others; such a you, who never belonged to me, and never accompanied me through life to the end.

NO2:

In the past, I gradually lost faith in love. Why are beautiful things always so fleeting? Why does every story end with a goodbye? That night, I couldn't sleep, listening to familiar melodies, and inadvertently thinking of you. It snowed that winter, and you said that in a snowy world, a person's heart would be as pure and white as this land, free from impurities. You said that snow falls in every corner of the world to bring people closer. But when you got close to me, you melted in my palm. If we had met earlier, then your mind would have been filled with our memories, and you wouldn't have aimlessly rejected everything. You said; girls should be strong, using their fragile strength to piece together incomplete lives. But what about my life? Because there wasn't you, I wanted to escape countless times.

NO3:

My past self has become so dispirited that I no longer resemble myself. Due to your neglect, I struggled bitterly in the lonely night, silently enduring the pain of longing and solitude. Because of your cruelty, I always kept a certain distance from others. I know I am destined not to hope, even though I still shed tears and feel reluctant, I no longer have a choice. I don't know how to face the unknown future, so I chose to indulge myself. I used alcohol to numb myself, using intense exercise as a substitute. For you, I foolishly stopped pursuing any trace of love, watching others' happiness, and finally realizing that this movie of emotion was always self-directed and acted. I closed the once passionate heart, quietly curling up in the corner of life, aimlessly surviving.

NO4:

In the past, I tried to contact you, typing messages late at night, sending greetings one by one. Then I would quietly hold my phone, waiting for a result that would never come. Opening the space, clicking on your gray avatar that never lit up, I stared at all your updates. I missed your presence, quietly writing your name in the space, and muttering it in my mouth. I longed for your voice, which intoxicatingly filled my heart. I missed your face, quietly creating an album, locking all about you here. Late at night, I poured out my inner pain onto words, knowing that you are a calamity I cannot escape in this life. Meeting by chance ultimately led to a loss.

As time flows, the wounds I recorded in my youth turned out to be a dream. Through eternity, who promised whom an unchanging vow for thousands of years?

(Responsible Editor: Absolute Love in Red Dust)