At the end of the year, the annual commendation meeting for prisoners was grandly held in the auditorium of Suzhou Prison. When the police officer in charge announced that prisoner Zhao Xiaohua had been commuted from life imprisonment to an 18-year fixed-term sentence by the Anhui Higher People's Court, a young-looking prisoner sitting below the stage shed tears of repentance and excitement.
Xiaohua is 20 years old this year. Three years ago, unable to bear the pressure of studying, he killed his father who had painstakingly raised him using a pack of rat poison. After being sentenced, Xiaohua was sent to Suzhou Prison for reform. What shocked people was that Xiaohua's initial motive for committing the crime was just to retaliate against his father. So what made the blood-related affection between father and son shatter instantly?
■An Unexpected Incident
Eldest Son Passed Away, Second Son Born
Xiaohua is the second son of Zhou Sulan and Zhao Jianguo. In Zhou Sulan's memory, Zhao Jianguo was thin and tall, but his character was weak and frail like a thin leaf, silently enduring all kinds of hardships alone.
In 1966, Zhou Sulan and Zhao Jianguo responded to the call and were sent down from Jiujiang, Jiangxi to their rural hometown in Xuancheng, Anhui. After ten years of trials and tribulations, most people began to return to the city one after another. In the winter of 1980, the last batch of educated youth returned to the city, and Zhou Sulan and Zhao Jianguo brought their less-than-a-year-old eldest son back to Jiujiang. Eagerly setting off on their journey home, the couple still harbored many hopes. However, upon arriving in the city, they discovered that the colorful city no longer warmly welcomed them as it had when they were sent to the countryside with drums and gongs. At that time, the city seemed somewhat cold to them. Their family only had less than a hundred yuan, and both husband and wife were unemployed at home, living very frugally, spending "a penny as if it were two." But no matter how hard life was, seeing their smart and lively son gave them hope for life.
As winter turned into spring, Zhao Jianguo began looking for work outside. During the day, he pedaled a flatbed tricycle to deliver goods for the street residents' committee's consignment store, and at night, he helped watch over goods at the ferry terminal in Jiujiang City, earning one yuan and eighty fen for a day and night. Seeing her husband tirelessly laboring every day, Zhou Sulan secretly felt heartbroken, so while taking care of the child, she often helped her husband deliver goods. Later, Zhao Jianguo got a formal job as a worker at the city cement factory, and to take care of the family and children, Zhou Sulan also went to the cement factory. The first month's salary added up to more than sixty yuan for the couple. With the hard-earned money, Zhao Jianguo bought a box of chocolate for the child for the first time. Although the child had never eaten it before, understanding the situation, he licked his lips and handed a piece to his father, causing Zhao Jianguo to shed tears of happiness. However, misfortune fell from the sky. In 1988, their son was hit by a car on his way home from school and left them forever. "The departure of our eldest son was a blow to us that cannot be described in words," Zhou Sulan said.
In 1990, their second child—Xiaohua—was born. Xiaohua's birth brought much joy to the couple and temporarily alleviated the pain of losing their first child. Time flew by, and Xiaohua reached school age. Zhao Jianguo bought everything the child would need for school. "I don't have too many requirements, I only hope that the child can realize the ideal that was buried in the countryside and then mercilessly swallowed by the city," "The noisy sounds of the city and the material desires drowned my initial impulse. I don't seek anything else, I just寄托my hope on the child," countless times, Zhao Jianguo said this to his wife.
The child was smart and diligent, excelling in every subject at school. Seeing the child advancing according to his ideals, Zhao Jianguo was very happy. Therefore, no matter how busy his work was or how tired his body was, he always picked up and dropped off the child on time, rain or shine. Every day after school, besides completing the homework assigned by the teacher, the child also had to complete the "advanced problems" assigned by his father. When the child's grades dropped, Zhao Jianguo hired a tutor at a high price. In the summer, the house was small and hot, so the couple economized to install an air conditioner in the child's room. No matter how difficult life was, as long as it concerned the child's studies, Zhao Jianguo always went through great lengths to create conditions for the child.
■A Moment of Impulsiveness
Leaving Home at Sixteen
At the age of sixteen, Xiaohua left home for the first time. His first feeling was: finally free! Liberated! Talking about Zhao Xiaohua's first departure from home, mother Zhou Sulan was heartbroken. She said: "My husband and I did not think we had done anything wrong at the time, only thinking that the child was too young and capricious. Little did we know that later he would..."
That time, the tall buildings and dazzling lights of the city became increasingly blurred, and in the quiet night, there was only the clanging sound of wheels hitting the railway tracks. Young Zhao Xiaohua was like a bird that had escaped from its cage, leaving the city he had never left for more than ten years. Relaxed mood mixed with the fatigue of traveling by train quickly put Zhao Xiaohua into a semi-dream state. That familiar yet strange home became distant yet clear...
"I remember from the day I could speak, my father tirelessly taught me to count, recognize characters, and recite Tang poems and Song lyrics. Relying on my own intelligence, I could recite three hundred Tang poems at the age of four, and my father often asked me to show off in front of guests. Whenever such moments occurred, my father never missed the opportunity to promote his view: the child will definitely be better than me, I want to cultivate him into a student of a prestigious university." Xiaohua said: "The honor I initially gave my father actually increased his expectations for me."
As Xiaohua grew up slowly, he gradually felt that all his carefree mischief and youthful happiness had been taken away by his father. Without individuality, without secrets, without mood, even without gender, he became a symbol, an object without a face, living only for his father. Whenever he expressed the idea of wanting to play, his father always firmly and promptly stopped him. As his father's nearly insane hopes and demands grew, he gradually developed fear and resentment.
"I always thought: why do I have to go to college? Why can't I have my own freedom like other children? Why must I be responsible to my father? Why doesn't anyone consider my situation?"
■A Moment of Confusion
Revenge Against Father by Poisoning Rice
The Xiaohua in front of us, though already 20 years old, with his childish face and frail body, makes it hard to believe that he personally killed his own father. Talking about what happened that day, his voice choked with emotion—
"That afternoon, I bought a pack of rat poison at the entrance of a department store. After dinner with my mother in the evening, my father hadn't come home from work yet, so I took the opportunity to put the rat poison on the rice in the electric rice cooker. After my father came home and ate dinner, he started vomiting uncontrollably. At the time, I didn't realize the severity of the situation; I just wanted to teach my father a lesson. When my mother questioned me, I denied it outright. Later, under my mother's repeated questioning, I admitted that I had put the medicine in the pot, but I absolutely did not expect that my father would be poisoned to death."
"Normally, if you didn't perform well on an exam, would your father beat you?"
"I usually studied hard, but since my talent wasn't too good and my father's expectations for me were very high, I was under a lot of pressure. Moreover, if my test scores weren't ideal, my father would not only beat me, sometimes he wouldn't even let me eat. Therefore, I gradually developed a dislike and rebellious attitude towards school and homework."
"Your father has now permanently left you. Do you feel any place where you need to repent?"
Tears welled up in Xiaohua's eyes: "Repentance is too late. I know my father will never come back. This is also one aspect where I need to reform myself in prison."
"Do you hate your father?"
"Both hate and not hate. Saying I hate him is because my father used to have too high expectations for me, which I couldn't bear. Saying I don't hate him is because my father was doing it for my good, and I ended up pushing him to another world." (Note: All names in the article are pseudonyms.)
■Expert Opinion
Excessive Expectations Lead to Greater Disappointment
National Level II Psychological Consultant Tao Sujuan believes that Chinese families particularly emphasize hierarchical levels. From the case of Xiaohua killing his father, the relationship between Zhao Jianguo and his wife with their child constituted a pathological family relationship. Such families are not equal or democratic, especially in terms of educating children, adopting an overly ambitious mindset. Without considering the child's nature, having excessively high expectations leads to greater disappointment when reality does not align with expectations.
Psychological research suggests that punishment does not change a child's behavior because "punishment targets results rather than the child's behavioral process, only bringing superficial changes and significant side effects." True concern and cultivation of a child should focus on "guidance," discovering the child's strengths, helping the child comprehensively, objectively, and fairly analyze and solve problems.
In summary, one must cultivate a child from the child's perspective, following the child's natural growth patterns, rather than demanding, designing, and disciplining the child according to one's own wishes. Otherwise, it may have the opposite effect. Reporter Zhiqiang Lei Qiang