The Super Pickled Cabbage and the Ferret
Pickled cabbage knew that becoming a superman was not an overnight matter. In the past, he needed to be familiar with astronomy, geography, various schools of thought, ancient and modern Chinese and foreign knowledge, music, chess, calligraphy, painting, military books, swordsmanship, and all sorts of kung fu from Shaolin monks. But now times have changed. He not only needs to possess these skills, but also needs to have the abilities of a space superhero: to glow when needed, to catch fire when necessary, and to have the power of thunder. However, possessing these skills is still far from his current situation. He decided to start from the present and first learn how to release smelly farts from the ferret.
He made this choice because he believed that a superman must have biochemical weapons. Relying solely on Shaolin Temple's martial arts is already outdated. For example, if someone has a gun and shoots from dozens of meters away, before you can even squat down and get into position, you're already finished. Moreover, using biochemical weapons does not entail legal responsibility. If you punch someone and they die or get injured, everyone sees it, and the evidence is irrefutable. But if you use biochemical weapons, which are invisible and leave no trace, who would know? Mastering biochemical weapons is what makes one a true superman.
The ferret's fart is invisible, portable, and completely natural—truly an excellent biochemical weapon. Pickled cabbage had personally witnessed a ferret knocking out a large group of rats and frogs with just one stinky fart. Therefore, he decided to first learn how to fart.
Pickled cabbage became friends with the ferret, and everyone was puzzled. They said that such a honest child as pickled cabbage, after gaining some skills, had turned bad and was hanging out with the chicken-stealing little thug ferret every day.
Pickled cabbage learned for quite a long time. The teacher noticed that his farts were getting louder and more powerful, but they just wouldn't smell bad. The ferret's farts could knock out rats and frogs, but pickled cabbage's farts sounded like explosions, creating craters in the ground, yet they didn't smell at all. This left pickled cabbage feeling helpless and extremely admiring of the ferret. Whatever the ferret told him to do, he did. Once, when the ferret went to steal chickens and lacked help, he tricked pickled cabbage into going along to scatter rice and lure out the hens. Not only did they fail to steal any chickens, but they also lost a bag of rice, and everyone found out that pickled cabbage had gone to steal chickens too.
When the news reached Mabo Bing, she scolded pickled cabbage and forbade him from associating with the ferret. Pickled cabbage stayed home for three days, reflecting on himself and realizing that he had strayed from the right path. Because hedgehogs' spines and ferrets' farts were innate skills passed down through generations for hundreds of years, if he blindly imitated them, it would take years just to learn how to fart, leaving no time to learn other skills or become a superman. At this rate, by the time roses married, he wouldn't have achieved anything. So, pickled cabbage thought, he wanted the stench that could knock people out, not necessarily the fart itself. In that case, he wouldn't have to strain his face red every day trying to hold in farts.
Pickled cabbage locked himself in his room, neither eating nor bathing, desperately thinking about how to create a foul smell. After being locked up for several days without coming up with a good method, when he finally stepped out of the door, he found that everyone who saw him covered their noses. It turned out that because he hadn't bathed for a long time, he had started to emit a sticky and foul odor. Seeing others so afraid of him, pickled cabbage was overjoyed, thinking: "There truly is a divine presence within reach. I wanted a stench, and here it comes."
Half a month later, pickled cabbage finally figured out a way to make himself incredibly smelly. His stench could not only knock people out but also make them vomit continuously, even more potent than the ferret's stinky farts. Even the ferret gave him a thumbs up, saying, "Pickled cabbage, you've graduated."
Since pickled cabbage gained this ability, he hasn't stopped helping the villagers. One day, when the urban management officers came to dismantle Magpie's nest, claiming it was an illegal construction affecting the cityscape, Magpie was in a panic and called pickled cabbage for help. As soon as pickled cabbage stood there, he immediately knocked out several urban management officers with his stench. When the police arrived, they couldn't do anything because hygiene was a personal freedom and not something the police could interfere with. Since this incident, the urban management officers no longer dared to bother Mabo Bing's stall at the market. Seeing how effective this skill of pickled cabbage was, and with people coming every day to ask for his help, Mabo Bing thought of making money from this skill. But pickled cabbage refused, saying he could help the villagers, but he wouldn't make money from it because he still had to learn other skills—he was eager to become a superman and meet the roses. Making money was such a vulgar thing.