The Life-and-Death Romance of a Leftover Woman
That year, I was 28 years old. All my female classmates and girlfriends had already gotten married, but I hadn't even found an object of affection, let alone experienced love. I was incredibly anxious, dreaming every night about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I wished I could just grab any man off the street to marry. As one of my classmates put it: "Eager to get married but unable to find a partner." I often cursed under my breath, cursing men for being superficial. When I was young and beautiful, I didn't want a boyfriend, yet they swarmed around me like flies. Now, though I'm not yet a faded flower or a withered willow, just slightly wrinkled, they keep their distance. Even more infuriatingly, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. I said I was an old maid, and he actually replied, "Old is old, but are you still a maiden? Back in the day, you were so proud, always followed by a long line of admirers." I was so angry I wanted to spit blood. At that moment, I thought: Why are women like vegetables, losing value as soon as they age? I also blamed myself for not considering my future while I was young and beautiful. In those days, I dismissed men as worthless, arrogantly turning them away. Now, suddenly feeling old, I view each man as a treasure.
To find a partner, I spared no effort during those two years and showed considerable sincerity. However, fate wasn't on my side. Despite going on countless blind dates, none of them caught my eye. It was truly strange. Although I went through many blind dates, I never became discouraged—not because I wasn't disheartened, but because I couldn't afford to be discouraged since I hadn't found the right person. Until one day, I completely lost hope when someone introduced me to another older bachelor. Our meeting signal was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand and for him to carry a bottle of beer in his right. We were supposed to meet at the overpass of Zijin Mountain Department Store. Can you imagine how degrading it is to treat older bachelors this way? From then on, I refused to go on any more blind dates.
At that time, the internet was gaining popularity. Encouraged by newspapers, television, magazines, and other media, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Due to work reasons, I had to learn how to use a computer. Little did I know that once I started, I would become addicted to chat rooms, where I spent my idle time. There, I could forget all my troubles and the daunting task of finding a partner, enjoying a sense of freedom and ease. I could pretend to be a pure-hearted young girl, playfully teasing the men until they pursued me furiously on their keyboards, only to disappear without a trace. I could also pretend to be a scholar, engaging in witty banter with fake users named Sock Miss or Twisted Girl. Occasionally, when I encountered a sincere person, I could freely confide my worries and heartaches to them. Though I bought a computer specifically for surfing the web, I only viewed the internet as a tool for leisure and entertainment, never expecting to gain anything from it. Yet, shortly after starting, I unexpectedly met someone online who began my emotional journey, my first experience of giving my heart away at the age of 28. Perhaps in this illusory world, the heart of an old maid is more easily moved.
One day, I chose the name "Apricot" and entered the "Boundless Sky" chat room on the Shangdu Information Port website. The chat room was lively. A user named Sunshine Girl was saying to someone called Wretch: "Wretch, wretch, I love you. I won't hit you or curse you; I'll carve you to death with my little knife of love." Another user named Red Vine Around Tree was telling Mummy, "A wife isn't as good as a concubine, a concubine isn't as good as a prostitute, a prostitute isn't as good as a courtesan, a courtesan isn't as good as stealing, stealing isn't as good as not being able to steal, not being able to steal is better than imagining,..." A monk was saying, "Here we sell friendship, stories, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and alcohol. What do you desire?" A fake moderator kept announcing, "The channel is preparing for a gathering. Please bring cash, prepare your drinking capacity, cosmetics, hurry up, details inside." A user named Old K was talking to Long Hair Flowing, saying, "Gently, I'll lay you on the bed, gently lift your skirt, gently take off your underwear, gently kiss your face, and then gently tell you: Baby, it's time to change the diaper!" Long Hair Flowing spat at Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized, saying, "Sorry, I was wrong. I tried to bash my head against tofu and hang myself with noodles, but both attempts failed. What can I do?" Long Hair Flowing replied, "I am happy because you are happy, I am cheerful because you are cheerful, I am sad because you are thin, I laugh because you are fat, I have money because I sold you. This is my pig-raising philosophy." Old K responded, "There are six kinds of eggs in the world: chicken eggs laid by chickens, bombs that explode, people reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are idiots, those getting angry are dumb, and those wanting to curse are bastards."
As I was laughing at this, a user named Missile came in and immediately started arguing with someone named Laugh Skew. He asked Laugh Skew why she didn't show up for their date. Laugh Skew, apparently a woman, cursed Missile for being a liar. They argued passionately. I asked Laugh Skew what happened, and she explained that they met online, where Missile described himself as charming, cultured, and wealthy. But when they finally met, he was nothing like what he claimed, and she left without a word. Just as I was listening to Laugh Skew, Missile started speaking again, calmly explaining that he wasn't lying but merely being modest in his self-introduction. He then proceeded to explain his description word by word:
"I am a mature man (58 years old), tall and imposing, everyone says I have an elder brother's aura (my height resembles Wu Song's elder brother), my career is somewhat successful, I am a relatively small boss (owning a cold drink stall), wherever I go, I carry a notebook (for recording phone numbers and daily income), my car isn't too good but wider than a Lincoln (I ride public buses every day). Years of influence from Henan University have shaped my cultural taste (because I used to sell cold drinks there), in my free time, I study Chinese history, especially Qing history (my favorite TV series is 'My Fair Princess'). I keep up with trends (I clearly know which cold drinks sell well this year), because I frequently interact with high society, I am quite annoyed (the president of Henan University always tells me: No stalls allowed on campus!). Therefore, I often mingle with the common folk (having to set up stalls elsewhere), my requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as the other person is taller than me), dear, come here, and I'll treat you to many ice creams (of course, those that didn't sell and are melting fast). You'll feel satisfied at first sight (you probably won't look at me a second time)!"
Just as I was thoroughly entertained by this exchange, a user named Ugly Man started chatting with me, asking me to guess a riddle: "Pig's butt has two drops of water, name a song." I guessed for half a day but couldn't figure it out, so I asked him for the answer, which turned out to be "Your Face Streaming With Tears." I was so angry I wanted to spit blood and replied, "You look truly creative, living with true courage, ugliness isn't your intention, it's God's bad mood. Be brave, keep living, without you, how could the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him, thinking he'd have nothing more to say. Unexpectedly, he replied, "You're beautiful, you're beautiful, with kangaroo arms and elephant legs, bear's head and rabbit mouth, donkey ears and eyebrows in an eight-shaped curve, arms crossed and legs crossed, crying and screaming to participate in beauty contests." I was speechless and could only reply with "NQS, 285" (meaning "Go die, you fool"), then ignored him. He persisted for a while, finding it uninteresting, and eventually left. I continued browsing others' conversations alone. That's when I noticed a user named Xiao Luo entering. I paid attention to him because of his name. In this special place, all sorts of names existed except for everyday ones. He first remained silent for a while, then asked, "Which happily married person would like to chat?" Seeing this, my heart was deeply touched. Compared to Old K, Ugly Man, and phrases like "Unless you're a beauty, don't talk to me," or "Are there ladies interested in becoming mistresses?", this statement was far more appealing. I responded, "Longing for plums to quench thirst, because I am a bachelor." He answered, "Plums hanging on the tree, longing is futile." I said, "Longing is futile, forgetting is impossible, suffering unnecessarily, longing is worse than forgetting." He replied, "Longing, forgetting, networking...". Thus, we chatted aimlessly into the late hours of the night. I realized we got along well, but I didn't expect to continue chatting with him later. Unexpectedly, the next evening, we met again and resumed our playful banter.
Subsequently, on the third, fourth day..., we became regulars here. Others, such as Old K, Pure Beauty, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, Cabbage Worm, etc., also frequented this chat room. Sometimes, we would all discuss a topic together, but more often, we paired up freely. I chatted more with Xiao Luo. Though my online experience wasn't extensive, and I wouldn't call myself a netizen, due to my fast typing speed, I felt particularly inspired online, almost drunk with thoughts. Many seasoned netizens weren't my match; they took forever to type a sentence, making me impatiently tap the keyboard. But I found Xiao Luo different. Not only was his typing speed fast, but he was quick-witted and eloquent. For instance, when I asked him his age, he asked mine instead. When I joked about having one leg longer than the other, he joked about having one eye bigger than the other. I introduced myself: "A certain female, currently 28 years old, wearing a white blouse above and black pants below, stepping in a pair of size 45 black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter quickly." He responded: "A certain male, currently 28.5 years old, small eyes and big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Those interested, please contact quickly. Contact number: 1234567."
In this light-hearted laughter, we slowly got to know each other better. Gradually, I learned that he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both older bachelors, we shared more common ground and topics. During our conversations, we even discussed our experiences with blind dates. He told me about a time when he went on a blind date. Meeting at the park entrance, they initially got along well, so they decided to enter the park to know each other better. Unexpectedly, as they walked, the girl's high heel broke. She was embarrassed, unable to walk properly, and too shy to mention it. He, absorbed in showing off his knowledge, didn't notice. Realizing he wasn't perceptive, she sat down on a bench nearby and refused to move further. He continued walking and talking nonstop until he finished and asked her a question. Looking back, he found the girl gone. Feeling strange, he hurried back to look for her but couldn't find her anywhere. Reluctantly, he returned home to ask the matchmaker. Only then did he learn the situation. When he suggested another meeting, the girl declined, saying that encountering such an event on the first meeting indicated future misfortunes. He could only give up, returning home to recount the story to his mother, who scolded him for days, blaming his carelessness and unwillingness to accept a match with such a clumsy bachelor.
I, on the other hand, told him about my worst blind date ever—meeting a bald man. Not only did I see him wearing a wig, but his face was full of pimples, looking no better than Li Huozi. Furious, I confronted the matchmaker, who justified himself by saying that the man merely lacked hair on top and held the position of section chief despite his appearance, soon to be promoted to deputy director. He criticized me for judging by looks, failing to recognize hidden gems. I was left speechless with anger.
As time passed, we grew closer. I learned that his family consisted of four members, including a younger brother, leading me to jokingly refer to them as two monks. Knowing I had two sisters, instead of calling us three nuns, he humorously likened our family to Pig Eight戒’s in-laws, adding that he resembled Pig Eight戒. His words made my cheeks flush, my heart race, and my mind wander, unknowingly drawing us into our roles.
One day, he surprisingly said, "Adorable you have stolen my feelings and taken my heart. I decide to sue you in court. The judge can sentence you to lifelong companionship with me." His words made my heart pound.
After a brief silence, he proposed calling me, which I tacitly accepted. Unexpectedly, when the phone rang and I picked it up with trembling hands, the standard Mandarin accent and mesmerizing voice coming from the receiver were unlike anything I had ever heard. In the quiet solitude of my room, his voice seemed to descend from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was utterly enchanted, almost floating and transparent, unaware of time and place. Once, I asked him about his profession. He said it involved information dissemination. I guessed he might be a journalist, but he denied it. I asked if he worked at the telecommunications bureau, but he said no. I wondered if he worked for a newspaper or magazine, but he negated that too. Suddenly, I thought of television and asked if he was a host, but he said no. When I guessed broadcaster, he sent a few smiley emojis. At that moment, his impeccable voice confirmed my suspicion, and later facts proved I was correct.
People are often like this. Before hearing his voice, although we conversed harmoniously and compatibly, there still seemed to be a barrier between us. But after hearing his voice and speaking on the phone, my feelings changed. He even sent me an email:
"Our relationship, under the correct policies of the telecom bureau and the kind concern of computer merchants, has developed healthily over the past month, mainly reflected in:
One, we've chatted numerous times, spending considerable time and understanding each other significantly;
Two, we live in the same city, providing a realistic foundation;
Three, I am a male bachelor, and you are a female bachelor, making us similar.
These three points fully indicate that through a month of interaction, we have formed a consensus in our feelings. The essence of our relationship is mutual understanding and care. We are equal and mutually beneficial. Of course, every matter has two sides. The existence of flaws is inevitable. Our enthusiasm still has some gaps, but these are flaws in progress. I believe that in the new month, we will surely build on our strengths, overcome our weaknesses, persevere, and advance hand-in-hand, opening a new chapter in our relationship..."
Therefore, I propose three points for your consideration: focus on one word - love; emphasize one word - intimacy; implement one word - union.
Let's uphold the spirit of unity, perseverance, and resilience to jointly strengthen our relationship, striving to elevate it to new heights and reach new levels. Based on the principle that we build our relationship together and a good relationship benefits our future, let's create brilliance together.
"You are the book, I am the bag; you are the rat, I am the cat; you are the wood, I am the glue; you are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so close, what else needs clarification?"
Yours sincerely,
Little L
Monkey Year Horse Month
As time went on, besides our online interactions, we exchanged other forms of contact. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I hadn't logged on by eight o'clock one evening, my phone would ring exactly three times. Then I would set aside everything to rush online to meet Xiao Luo. We often started chatting at eight and sometimes continued until three or four in the morning without wanting to log off. While midnight in the real world was silent, midnight online wasn't noisy or crowded anymore. Often at this time, unsavory comments appeared, akin to hungry wolves howling in the night sky, making one's scalp tingle and feeling nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of the room frightened me, but with Xiao Luo by my side, fear only made me feel his reliability and safety even more. Unconsciously, I had come to rely on him as my emotional support.
In the midnight chat room, Xiao Luo often caressed my long hair, whispering in my ear: "Baby, although I haven't seen you yet, your soul is so pure and beautiful." In the silence and darkness of the night, his warm words, devoid of any inappropriate or unhealthy undertones, often made me blush, my ears burn, and my heart race. Through the barriers of space and time, I felt purity, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some modern individuals who seek physical intimacy upon first meeting, I found Xiao Luo's kindness and nobility endearing, thus trusting and relying on him even more. I told him I wasn't pretty, and he said beauty doesn't guarantee happiness, claiming he was ugly, which I believed was merely modesty. Moreover, even if he were truly unattractive, I wouldn't care. Through this period of understanding, he gave me the overall impression of being honest, reliable, kind, and gentle. These qualities were precisely what I had been seeking for years and what the current era lacked. Over the years, I believed that good virtues were more eternal, dependable, and precious than power, wealth, and appearance. Especially since marriage involves signing a lifetime contract, enduring changes in time and society, experiencing the vicissitudes of life and unpredictable fate, we need something