The Life-and-Death Love of Leftover Women
That year, I was 28 years old. All my female classmates and girlfriends were married, but I hadn't found a partner yet, let alone experienced a romantic relationship. I was extremely worried at the time, dreaming every night about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I almost wanted to grab a man from the street and go through the marriage ceremony. To quote a classmate's words: "Eager to get married but can't find a partner." I often cursed in frustration, cursing men for being all opportunists. When I was young and beautiful, I didn't plan on finding a partner, and they swarmed around me like flies. But now, though I'm not yet a faded beauty, with just a few wrinkles, they avoid me like the plague. Even more infuriatingly, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. I said I was an old maid, and he actually replied, "Old? Are you even a maiden? Back then, you were so proud, always followed by a long line of admirers." It made me so angry I felt like spitting blood. At that moment, I thought: why are women like vegetables, becoming worthless once they age? At the same time, I hated myself for not realizing I could end up like this when I was young and carefree. In those days, I saw men as worthless, dismissing them with a mere sniff. Now that I'm older, why do they all seem precious? Whenever I thought about these things back then, I panicked, feeling that times had changed, and I had been left behind, abandoned by society.
In order to find a partner, I went to great lengths over those two years, showing considerable sincerity. But fate wasn't kind. I went on blind dates with dozens of men, but none of them caught my eye. Isn't that strange? Although I went on many dates, I didn't lose hope, or rather, I couldn't afford to lose hope because I hadn't found the right person yet. Until one day, I completely lost heart. When someone introduced me to another bachelor, the meeting signal was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand and for him to carry a beer in his right, meeting on the flyover at Zijin Mountain Department Store. Can you imagine how degrading it is for us older bachelors to be treated like this? From that day on, I stopped going on blind dates.
At that time, the internet was gaining popularity. Encouraged by newspapers, television, magazines, and other media outlets, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Due to work reasons, I also had to learn computers. Little did I know that learning would lead me to discover the wonders of chat rooms, where I could spend my leisure time. Thus, I became fully immersed in it. There, I could forget all the troubles in life, forget the daunting task of finding a partner, and breathe freely and easily. I could pretend to be a pure little girl, babbling nonsense that made the gentlemen type furiously on their keyboards, chasing after me before I disappeared. I could also pretend to be a fake Mr., engaging in banter with fake ladies called Socks Miss or Wai Girl. Occasionally, I'd meet a sincere person and confide my worries and troubles to him without hesitation. Though I bought a computer specifically for going online, I only regarded the internet as a tool for relaxation and entertainment, never expecting to gain anything from it. However, shortly after going online, I met a partner and began my emotional journey—my first emotional investment at the age of 28. Perhaps in this virtual world, the hearts of old maids are easier to touch.
That day, I took the name "Xingzi" and entered the Haikuo Tiankong chat room of Shangdu Information Port. The chat room was lively. A user named Sunshine Girl was telling someone named Scum, "Scum, scum, I love you. I won't beat you or curse you; instead, I'll carve you to death with my loving knife." Another user named Red Vine Around Tree was saying to Mummy, "A wife isn't as good as a concubine, a concubine isn't as good as a prostitute, a prostitute isn't as good as a courtesan, a courtesan isn't as good as stealing, stealing isn't as good as failing to steal, failing to steal isn't as good as imagining,..." A monk was saying, "Here we sell friendship, events, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and wine. What do you want?" A fake moderator kept posting messages: "The channel will have a gathering. Please prepare cash, alcohol tolerance, and cosmetics. Hurry up! Details will be discussed indoors." An old K was telling a user named Drifting Hair, "Gently, I'll carry you to bed, gently lift your skirt, gently take off your underwear, gently kiss your face, and then gently tell you: Baby, it's time to change diapers!" Drifting Hair spat at Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized, "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I tried to kill myself with tofu and hang myself with noodles, but both failed. What should I do?" Drifting Hair replied, "I am happy because you are happy, I am cheerful because you are cheerful, I am sad because you are thin, I laugh because you are fat, I have money because I sold you. This is my pig-raising philosophy." Old K replied, "There are six kinds of eggs in the world: chicken lays eggs, eggs that explode are bombs, those reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are idiots, those who are angry are stupid, and those wanting to curse are bastards." Upon seeing this, Drifting Hair kicked Old K and cursed him with "NQS, 285 (you die, idiot)" and then ignored him. Despite Old K's repeated attempts to talk, she refused to respond, chatting with the monk instead. Feeling uninterested, Old K issued a fake decree: "By the grace of Heaven, the Emperor decrees: Because you ignore me, you are forbidden to defecate for three days, and if you must, you cannot use paper, and if you do, it cannot exceed three feet, until you die!"
As I laughed at this, a user named Missile came in and immediately started arguing with a user named Laughing Skew. He asked Laughing Skew why she didn't show up for their date. Laughing Skew, apparently a woman, cursed Missile for being a liar. Listening to their heated argument, I asked Laughing Skew what happened. It turned out that they met online, and Missile described himself as charming and cultured, a successful big boss. However, upon meeting, she found him to be nothing like what he claimed and left without a word. As I listened to Laughing Skew, Missile started speaking again, calmly explaining that he hadn't lied to her, but merely understated himself during the introduction. He explained as follows:
"I am a mature man (58 years old), tall and imposing, others say I have an elder brother vibe (like Song Jiang's elder brother), my business is somewhat successful, I am a not-so-big boss (owning a cold drink stall), wherever I go, I carry a notebook (for phone numbers and daily income), my car isn't too good but wider than a Lincoln (always taking public transportation). Years of熏tration at Henan University have cultivated my cultural taste (because I used to sell cold drinks there), I study Chinese history in my spare time, especially Qing history (loving watching 'Princess Huanzhu'). I keep up with trends (knowing which cold drinks sell well this year), because I deal with high society frequently, I am quite annoyed (the president of Henan University always tells me: No stalls allowed on campus!). So I often observe lower situations (having to sell elsewhere), my requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as the other person is taller than me), dear, come, and I'll treat you to a lot of ice cream (those unsold and melting quickly). You'll be satisfied at first sight! (I guess you probably won't look at me a second time!)"
As I was thoroughly entertained by this, a user named Ugly Man started talking to me, asking me to guess a riddle: "Pig's butt has two drops of water, guess a song title." I guessed for a long time but couldn't figure it out, so I asked him for the answer, which turned out to be "Your Face With Tears Flowing." I was so angry I wanted to spit blood and replied, "You look creative, live bravely, ugliness isn't your intention, it's God's mood swing. Brave up, live on. Without you, how could the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him. I thought he would have nothing else to say, but unexpectedly, he replied, "You're beautiful, kangaroo arms, elephant legs, bear head, rabbit mouth, donkey ears, eight-shaped eyebrows, arms crossed, legs crossed, crying and yelling to participate in a beauty contest." I was speechless and gave him a "285" (you die, idiot) before ignoring him. He pestered me for a while, then left when he realized I wouldn't talk. I thus returned to watching others chat. It was under such circumstances that I noticed a user named Xiao Luo enter. I paid attention to him because of his name. In this special place, all sorts of names exist, but none of the everyday names are present. He first remained silent for a while, then asked, "Who among those with happy families wants to chat?" Seeing this, my heart stirred. Compared to the phrases "If you're not a beauty, don't chat with me" or "Are there any ladies interested in being mistresses?", this phrase was far more valuable. Why does he want to chat with someone who has a happy family? I responded, "To quench thirst with imaginary plums, because I am a bachelor." He replied, "Plums hang on trees, looking is futile." I said, "Looking is futile, forgetting is better, suffering unnecessarily is worse, forgetting is better." He responded, "Looking, forgetting, networking...". Thus, we chatted aimlessly and ended up chatting late into the night. I felt we got along well, but didn't expect to chat with him again. Unexpectedly, the next evening, we met again and continued our random chatter.
Subsequently, on the third, fourth... days, we became regulars here. Others like Old K, Pure Beauty, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, Cabbage Worm, etc., also frequented this chat room. Sometimes we would all discuss a single topic, but mostly we paired up and chatted freely. I chatted more with Xiao Luo. Although I wasn't very experienced online, I wasn't exactly a networm either. However, due to my fast typing speed, I was particularly quick-witted online, making many networms no match for me. They often struggled to come up with a response, leaving me impatiently tapping the keyboard. But I found Xiao Luo different. Not only was his typing speed fast, but he was also quick-witted and eloquent. For example, when I asked him his age, he asked me mine. I said I had one leg longer than the other, and he said he had one eye bigger than the other. I introduced myself as follows: "A woman, currently 28 years old, wearing a white shirt on top and black pants below, stepping in a pair of size 45 black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter promptly." He responded, "A man, currently 28.5 years old, small eyes, big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Those interested, please contact me promptly. Contact number: 1234567."
Through this light-hearted laughter, we gradually got to know each other. Gradually, I learned that he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both older bachelors, we shared more common ground and topics. We even talked about our experiences with blind dates. He told me about a time when he went on a blind date and met the other person at the park entrance. They both liked each other initially, so they decided to enter the park to get to know each other better. Unexpectedly, while walking, the girl's high heel broke, leaving her embarrassed with one foot higher than the other, unable to walk properly. She was too embarrassed to tell him. He was so busy showing off his knowledge that he didn't notice. Realizing he wasn't perceptive, she sat down on a bench and refused to move. He continued walking and talking non-stop until he finished and asked her a question. When he didn't receive a response, he turned around and found the girl gone. Surprised, he hurriedly looked for her but couldn't find her. He eventually returned home to ask the matchmaker, who explained the situation. He wanted to arrange another meeting, but the girl said that since their first meeting was already problematic, the future wouldn't be smooth. He had to give up, returning home and recounting the story to his mother, who criticized him for days, calling him too careless and stating no girl would want to marry a clumsy man like him.
I told him about my worst blind date experience, where the man was bald. Not only was he bald and wearing a wig, but his face was covered in pimples, looking worse than Li Huozi. I was so upset that I confronted the matchmaker, who justified his actions by saying the man was simply bald on top and that despite his less-than-attractive appearance, he was already a section chief at a young age and soon to be promoted to deputy director. The matchmaker accused me of judging people by their looks and not recognizing talent, leaving me speechless.
As time passed, we became increasingly familiar with each other. I learned that his family consisted of four people, including a younger brother, so I jokingly referred to them as having two monks. When he learned I had two sisters, he didn't call us three nuns but compared our family to the in-laws of Zhu Bajie, saying he looked like Zhu Bajie, making me blush and feel flustered. Unconsciously, we had fallen into our roles.
One day, he said, "Adorable you stole my feelings and heart. I decide to sue you in court. The judge says he can sentence you to lifelong companionship with me." His words made my heart race.
After a brief silence, he said he wanted to call me, and I implicitly agreed. Unexpectedly, when the phone rang and I picked it up with trembling hands, the standard Mandarin voice was so melodious and magnetic that I had never heard such a pleasant male voice. In my quiet little room, his voice seemed to come from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was so enchanted that I almost felt weightless and transparent, unaware of time and place. Once, I asked him about his profession. He said he worked in information dissemination. I asked if he was a journalist, and he said no. I asked if he worked at the telecommunications bureau, and he said no. I then asked if he worked for a newspaper or magazine, and he still said no. Finally, when I guessed he might be a broadcaster, he sent me several smiley emojis. At that moment, I was certain of his excellent voice, a fact later confirmed.
People are often like this. Before hearing his voice, although we chatted well and had a rapport, it still felt like something was missing. But after hearing his voice and talking on the phone, my feelings changed. He even sent me an email:
"Our feelings have developed healthily under the correct policies of the telecommunications bureau and the warm care of computer vendors over the past month. This is mainly reflected in the following:
1. We've chatted many times, spent a considerable amount of time, and gained a significant understanding.
2. We live in the same city, giving us a realistic foundation.
3. I am a male bachelor, and you are a female bachelor. We are of the same kind - Super Cabbage II - Cabbage and Butterfly.
These three points clearly indicate that after a month of interaction, we have reached a consensus in our feelings. The main current of our feelings is mutual understanding and concern. We are equal and mutually beneficial. Of course, any matter has two sides. The existence of shortcomings is unavoidable. Our enthusiasm still has a certain gap, which is a flaw in progress. I believe that in the new month, we will surely build on our achievements, overcome our shortcomings, strive further, and create a new situation in our feelings..."
Therefore, I offer three points for your consideration: First, focus on the word 'love'; Second, emphasize the word 'intimacy'; Third, implement the word 'union'.
Let us uphold the spirit of unity, perseverance, and resilience, jointly revitalize our feelings, and strive to reach a new height and step in our feelings. Based on the principle that our feelings are built together and benefit our connection, let's create brilliance.
"You are the book, I am the cover; you are the rat, I am the cat; you are the wood, I am the glue; you are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so good, what else is unclear?"
Yours sincerely,
Little L
Year of the Monkey, Month of the Horse
As time went on, apart from our online interactions, we also exchanged other contact details. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I didn't go online by eight o'clock on any given evening, my mobile phone would ring three times on time. I would then set aside everything and rush online to see Xiao Luo. We often started chatting at eight and sometimes stayed up until three or four in the morning. The real midnight was silent, and the online midnight was no longer noisy or crowded. But it was often at these times that wolves appeared. Some vulgar comments were like hungry wolves howling in the night sky, making you feel your scalp tingle and nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of the room made me feel scared. But with Xiao Luo by my side, fear made me feel his reliability and safety even more. Unconsciously, I had come to rely on him as my support and spiritual pillar.
In the midnight chat room, Xiao Luo often caressed my long hair and whispered in my ear: "Baby, although I haven't seen you, your soul is so pure and beautiful." In the silence and darkness of the night, his warm words, free of any sexual or unhealthy undertones, often made me blush and my heart race. Through time and space, I felt pure emotion, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some modern individuals who seek intimacy immediately upon meeting, I found Xiao Luo adorable and noble, thus trusting and depending on him even more. I told him I wasn't pretty, and he said pretty girls don't necessarily bring happiness, adding that he was ugly. I thought this was modesty, and even if he really was ugly, I wouldn't care. Through this period of understanding, his overall impression on me was honest, reliable, kind, and gentle. These qualities were what I had longed for for years and were scarce in today's era. Over the years, I believed that good virtues were more eternal, reliable, and worthy of cherishing than power, wealth, and appearance. Marriage is a lifelong contract that undergoes changes in time and shifts in eras, with the vicissitudes of life and unpredictable destinies. In these ever-changing times, we need something solid, dependable, and unchanging to rely on. Besides virtue, everything else seems transient, including youth, appearance, occupation, health, wealth, power, and even culture. For years, I waited and searched for these seemingly common but rare qualities. Now that I've finally found them, I don't care about his appearance or whether he looks polished. Even if his face is dark or if he's missing a leg, I wouldn't care. That's how I thought at the time. I understood why someone would marry Zhang Haidi, who was paralyzed, and why a beautiful girl from a high-ranking official's family would marry a mute. Now, I fully understood them.
To others, it may seem absurd that two people who haven't even met would make such a decision, at least it doesn't seem real. But I don't think so. I'm confident that I haven't acted impulsively or emotionally.
Logically, by this point, we should have already met. But he seemed hesitant, not mentioning meeting. And me? Initially, I was also hesitant, unsure whether to invest my emotions or trust the internet. We thought carefully again and again, considering repeatedly. Precisely because of our caution, we rarely talked about meeting. Precisely because of our rationality, our meeting date kept being postponed. Normally, such hesitation and rationality should hinder emotional development, but our relationship didn't stop because of our rationality. Instead, it advanced further due to our calmness and rationality, just like building a dam to intercept a flood, only for the flood to break through the dam and surge forward even more forcefully. Before overcoming the obstacle of meeting, we inadvertently started discussing marriage online. Perhaps as older bachelors, we both yearned for marriage. Or perhaps our feelings had developed to this stage, leading us to directly discuss which wedding photography studio in the city took the most beautiful pictures and which open-top presidential review cars were best for weddings. During that period, I even started paying attention to wedding dress styles on the street, while he, crazier than me, kept delaying mentioning meeting. Therefore, when he finally proposed meeting, I was sure