What should be the most fantasized state of marital life?
Written by Ai Yanshuang
What is marriage supposed to be like? What kind of couples can be considered loving couples? There is obviously no standard, as everyone has their own way of living. It's neither possible nor necessary to plan married life according to a predetermined scale. Treating each other with respect seems great, but some people think it's too boring. Why should couples be so polite to each other? Constant quarrels between couples are certainly not good, but it doesn't mean they can't have a long-lasting relationship. In the end, there is no uniform model for marriage. As long as you feel happy, that's all that matters. However, I believe that a good relationship between couples and a warm married life should at least reach the following five realms. These five realms define the true charm of marital life and the five most ideal states.
Attachment. Lovers are more about a loving relationship, while couples are more about a dependent relationship. Being attached and in love is the most essential characteristic of a couple's relationship. One person does not make a home; a couple symbolizes marriage and family. Two people together are called a marriage and can be considered a real home. If one or both parties of the couple feel no discomfort when separated from the other, or if they can live just as before without the other, then the couple's relationship must be loose and not solid, easily scattered by storms. At least, it can be said that the couple's relationship has not yet reached a certain realm and needs further cultivation to withstand experience.
Staying at home (loving home). When a couple comes together, they form a family. Love is the soft bond between spouses, while home is the hard bond. Therefore, both parties should be attached to their home. At first, it may seem like this home is not that important, seemingly dispensable, returning home only when desired, staying outside when not, with no sense of discomfort. But as time goes on, the couple becomes increasingly infatuated with each other, inevitably leading to attachment to home. Without any summons, home naturally becomes an attractor, possessing an irresistible charm forever. If after work or after finishing other tasks outside, your first thought is not to go home but to stay out longer, it can only be said that your marital relationship has not yet reached a certain realm and requires further cultivation to withstand experience.
Spontaneity. Marriage is the place where human nature is most released. Temperament, personality, and character cannot be concealed, nor is there any need to do so. The spousal relationship is the closest relationship in the world and also the most spontaneous one. If there is still much pretense and artificiality between spouses, that is truly a tragedy of marriage. Expressing one's temperament is fine as long as it's not excessive or out of control; having a bit of individuality is also fine as long as it's not too hurtful. Spouses should respect each other but don't need to be overly formal or adhere strictly to formalities. The people who understand your strengths and weaknesses best are first your parents, and secondly your spouse. In fact, your spouse understands you even more thoroughly. There's no need to hide excessively, and if spontaneity and naturalness cannot be achieved even between spouses, then there is some estrangement or hypocrisy, or merely a so-called exemplary couple for show, which is meaningless. It can only be said that your marital relationship has not yet reached a certain realm and requires further cultivation to withstand experience.
Relaxation. What should be the most fundamental state of marriage and family? I think it should bring freedom and relaxation, which is also the charm of marriage and family. Home is a warm harbor, a resting station when tired. After working hard all day outside, what do you want to do most? Go home! What is the first thing you want to do when you get home? Take off your coat and throw it aside casually, then lie down on the sofa or bed. Your feet can be placed however you want without any worry. Some ungraceful actions that cannot be done outside (which are sometimes a pleasant enjoyment) can be enjoyed at home. This is home, this is what being a couple is about. If you don't want to go home, or find it difficult to completely relax when you get home, or feel no sense of relaxation, it can only be said that your marital relationship has not yet reached a certain realm and requires further cultivation to withstand experience.
Tolerance. Who in this world can truly tolerate and understand you? Perhaps besides parents, only your husband or wife. No matter how much委屈you encounter outside, or whatever setbacks occur in your work or career, or whatever troubles you face, home is the only place where you can release them. Talk about it, express it, without worrying about being mocked or looked down upon, without worrying about your image or status declining. Whether you're a woman or a man, if you feel like crying, it's fine to cry because your spouse is the one who can most tolerate your flaws and inadequacies. Home is the place where troubles are erased and your life spirit is reignited. If you encounter difficulties outside and cannot find restoration at home, or if troubles increase instead of diminishing, it can only be said that your marital relationship has not yet reached a certain realm and requires further cultivation to withstand experience.