1. The funniest last words: "Where is my son, Fengxian?"
These were the words of Dong Zhuo, a man of heinous crimes.
At that time, Dong Zhuo controlled the government, committing all sorts of atrocities, killing innocents indiscriminately, and incurring the wrath of both heaven and earth. Wang Yun, the Minister of Works, devised a plan and sent someone to falsely tell Dong Zhuo that Emperor Xian of Han was about to abdicate in his favor. Overjoyed, Dong Zhuo immediately left his stronghold at Meiwo and happily headed for the capital to ascend the throne. Upon entering the palace, Dong Zhuo realized he had walked into an ambush set by Wang Yun, and immediately called out for help to his adopted son and captain of the guards, Lü Bu: "Where is my son, Fengxian?" What he didn't know was that Lü Bu had already been turned by Wang Yun using the beauty Diaochan, and had become an important force in the ambush against him. Instead of calling for help, he summoned his killer. After Dong Zhuo shouted these words, Lü Bu roared, "By imperial decree, I shall slay this traitor," and then thrust his famous weapon, the Heaven-Painted Halberd, into Dong Zhuo's throat. In his dying moments, Dong Zhuo must have used one hand to cover his neck which was gushing blood, while pointing at Lü Bu with the other, glaring at him as if to ask, "How could it be you!"
It was laughable that Dong Zhuo couldn't bear to part with a woman but lost his own life, leaving behind these funny last words.
2. The stupidest last words: "Who dares kill me?"
Wei Yan would rebel, this was something Zhuge Liang had predicted before his death. Sure enough, as soon as Zhuge Liang passed away, Wei Yan began to raise the banner of rebellion. Wei Yan's martial arts were extremely high, not easily defeated by ordinary people, so dealing with Wei Yan could only rely on strategy, not brute force. This was something Zhuge Liang had already considered on his deathbed. When Wei Yan and Zhuge Liang's successor Jiang Wei confronted each other on the battlefield, Yang Yi, following Zhuge Liang's prearranged plan, provoked Wei Yan to shout three times, "Who dares kill me?" At this point, Wei Yan, somewhat underestimating his opponent and failing to perceive their intentions, loudly shouted from horseback, "Who dares kill me?" Before his shout had even finished, a flash of blade appeared behind him, and Wei Yan was decapitated right there on horseback. The wielder of the blade was none other than Ma Dai, who had followed Wei Yan in rebellion. It turned out that Ma Dai had pretended to join Wei Yan in rebellion, but was actually a killer planted by Zhuge Liang to wait for the opportune moment to strike. Wei Yan's loud shout of "Who dares kill me" was not only a signal for Ma Dai to act, but also became the final stupid last words of the renowned general Wei Yan.
3. The most unbalanced last words: "Big ears! Do you not remember the spear-throwing incident at the gate?"
These last words were shouted by Lü Bu at Liu Bei as he was about to die.
Liu Bei and Lü Bu had a complicated relationship filled with both kindness and resentment. Initially, when Lü Bu was under Dong Zhuo's command, Liu Bei and his two sworn brothers Guan Yu and Zhang Fei had once engaged in a fierce battle with him at Hulao Pass, thus creating enmity. Later, after being defeated by Cao Cao, Lü Bu sought refuge with Liu Bei, who had already taken control of Xuzhou. Unexpectedly, Liu Bei's act of kindness was akin to inviting a wolf into his home; Lü Bu took advantage of his absence, seizing Xuzhou and driving Liu Bei to Xiaopei. Not long after, Yuan Shu launched a large-scale attack on Liu Bei. Unable to resist, Liu Bei reluctantly sought help from Lü Bu. Lü Bu, playing tricks, used the method of throwing a spear at the gate to make both sides cease fighting, doing Liu Bei a favor. Later, the relationship between Liu Bei and Lü Bu deteriorated again, and Liu Bei was defeated, forcing him to seek refuge with Cao Cao. Cao Cao defeated Lü Bu and captured him alive. Considering Lü Bu's prowess in battle, Cao Cao initially intended to recruit him. When seeking Liu Bei's opinion, Liu Bei, who harbored deep hatred for Lü Bu, quickly added fuel to the fire, citing examples of Lü Bu's past betrayals of Ding Yuan and Dong Zhuo, persuading Cao Cao to execute him.
As Lü Bu was about to die, he cursed Liu Bei for lacking righteousness and forgetting old favors, but in reality, it was Lü Bu himself who had broken faith first. Therefore, it was fitting that Liu Bei did not plead on his behalf but instead added bad words, ending his hope for survival. His psychological imbalance was well-deserved.
4. The wisest last words: Guo Jia's posthumous strategy
Of Cao Cao's subordinates, the top warrior was undoubtedly Dian Wei. Not only was Dian Wei highly skilled in martial arts, but he was also very loyal to Cao Cao, appointed as his bodyguard captain. In the end, Dian Wei sacrificed his life heroically to protect Cao Cao.
Among Cao Cao's strategists, none were more valued than Guo Jia. Guo Jia was an unparalleled military strategist genius, unmatched by few others. As the youngest and most mysterious advisor, during his eleven years serving as Cao Cao's chief strategist, he not only helped formulate long-term grand strategic plans but also designed specific tactics with great precision, ultimately eliminating regional warlords like Lü Bu and Yuan Shao, unifying the northern regions, bringing Cao Cao close to the peak of his career. For this, Guo Jia earned widespread acclaim as a "genius strategist" and "extraordinary talent." Unfortunately, Guo Jia passed away at the young age of 38, a premature death. Even on his deathbed, Guo Jia did not forget to offer advice to Cao Cao. In his posthumous letter to Cao Cao, he outlined a strategy for dealing with Yuan Shao's remaining forces, helping Cao Cao successfully pacify Liaodong. Cao Cao was deeply saddened by Guo Jia's death, crying to his officials, "All of you are of my generation, except for Fengxiao who was the youngest. I wanted to entrust him with my future affairs. Unexpectedly, he died in middle age, causing my heart to break!" Later, after Cao Cao's defeat at the Battle of Red Cliffs, he lamented, "If Guo Fengxiao were here, I wouldn't have come to this." Clearly, Cao Cao's reliance on Guo Jia was quite high.
Thus, Guo Jia's posthumous letter to Cao Cao can be considered the wisest last words.
5. The most disappointing last words: Xu Mother Scolding Her Son
The Xu Mother referred to here is the mother of Xu Shu.
Xu Shu was one of the famous strategists of the Three Kingdoms period, having served Liu Bei under the alias Dan Fu as a military advisor. Soon after, Xu Shu demonstrated his skills, devising strategies to help Liu Bei defeat the invading Cao army and capture Fan Cheng. Liu Bei's unusual performance shocked Cao Cao, and eventually, his advisor Cheng Yu uncovered Xu Shu's identity. To force Xu Shu to surrender, Cheng Yu kidnapped Xu Shu's mother and, taking advantage of Xu Shu's filial piety, deceived him into surrendering with a fake letter. Upon seeing her son fall victim to deception, Xu Mother was furious and deeply disappointed. She slammed the table and scolded, "You disgraceful child, wandering the江湖for years, I thought your studies had improved, how could you be worse than before! Since you've read books, you should know that loyalty and filial piety cannot coexist. Don't you recognize that Cao Cao is a deceitful traitor? Liu Xuande's righteousness spreads far and wide, and he is also a descendant of the Han royal family. You have already served him, and he is your true lord. Now, based on a forged letter, without further investigation, you abandon light for darkness, bringing shame upon yourself, truly a fool! How can I face you? You dishonor our ancestors and are unworthy to live in this world!" After finishing her scolding, Xu Mother hanged herself. After her mother's death, Xu Shu, heartbroken and disheartened, remained in Cao Cao's service but adhered to his vow made upon leaving Liu Bei—"never to devise another strategy"—and refused to serve Cao Cao until his death.
Xu Shu's fleeting brilliance made him the most regrettable strategist. His mother's humiliating suicide also gave his life a tragic hue. Xu Shu's greatest contribution was recommending Zhuge Liang to Liu Bei before leaving. Later, Liu Bei visited Zhuge Liang three times in his thatched cottage and brought him down the mountain, laying the foundation for his future achievements.
6. The most respectable last words: "This child's life rests entirely on General!"
In the Battle of Changbanpo, Cao Cao faced off against Liu Bei. Due to the disparity in strength between the two sides, Liu Bei's forces suffered a major defeat, nearly being completely annihilated, and even his wife and children were scattered. The lone hero Zhao Zilong fearlessly braved dangers and sacrifices, breaking through the encirclement of Cao Cao's massive army, slashing and fighting fiercely, and finally found Liu Bei's wife, Mi夫人, and her son, Dou阿. The situation was extremely perilous, and Mi夫人was injured. Zhao Yun requested Mi夫人to take the child onto the horse, with him protecting them from behind. Mi夫人realized that if the three of them attempted to break through together, they would surely fail. Thus, she entrusted the child, Dou阿, to Zhao Yun, saying, "This child's life rests entirely on General," and hoped that he could carry the child to safety and deliver him to his father, Liu Bei. To lighten Zhao Yun's burden, Mi夫人committed suicide by jumping into a well after giving her final instructions.
Mi夫人was undoubtedly a valiant woman. In the most critical moment, she resolutely gave the hope of survival to her child, leaving death for herself. This was the greatness of a mother, worthy of respect.
7. The most reluctant last words: "Since Zhou Yu was born, why was Zhuge Liang born?"
This famous last word is known to everyone, spoken by Zhou Yu, the Grand Commander of Eastern Wu.
There is no doubt that Zhou Yu was a fighter.
Internally, he had to struggle against the pro-surrender faction led by Zhang Zhao, striving to strengthen Sun Quan's determination to resist external aggression. Fortunately, this belonged to internal contradictions among the people, and with the assistance of his capable aide Lu Su, this issue was quickly resolved. Eastern Wu unified its thinking, forming a strong united front to jointly resist the invading enemy.
Externally, Zhou Yu's main enemies were two: one was his direct enemy Cao Cao; the other was his potential rival Zhuge Liang. Against Cao Cao, Zhou Yu used his military wisdom and talents to crush him decisively at the Battle of Red Cliffs, achieving a decisive victory. Against Zhuge Liang, the narrow-minded Zhou Yu fought fiercely with all his might, but ultimately still failed. The result of the failure was only one: death. Zhou Yu died this way, but died very reluctantly, shouting several times, "Since Zhou Yu was born, why was Zhuge Liang born!"
Zhou Yu's death marked the end of an era and the beginning of another. From then on, the honeymoon period of the Sun-Liu alliance arrived.
8. The most insightful last words: "My Daoist name is Phoenix Chick, this place is named Fallen Phoenix Slope, it is not auspicious for me."
This person with the Daoist name Phoenix Chick is none other than Pang Tong, Liu Bei's deputy strategist, who was as famous as Zhuge Liang, hence the saying in the martial arts world, "Obtain either the Sleeping Dragon or the Phoenix Chick, and the empire will be yours."
Pang Tong, as a man of great wisdom, naturally possessed the same abilities as Zhuge Liang, not only excelling in commanding battles and devising strategies, but also adept at divination, proficient in astronomy, geography, astrology, and the Eight Trigrams. During the Battle of Red Cliffs, it was Pang Tong who contributed the Chain Stratagem, laying the groundwork for the subsequent fire attack. After joining Liu Bei, he assisted Liu Bei in advancing westward, capturing vast territories.
Even such a wise person made an incorrect judgment regarding his own situation.
The first ominous premonition came from Zhuge Liang. He calculated that there might be signs unfavorable to senior figures and specifically sent a letter to Sichuan to warn them. However, Pang Tong misinterpreted it, thinking that Zhuge Liang was jealous of his accomplishments, and thus ignored his warning, advising Liu Bei to advance rapidly.
The second warning came from a dream Liu Bei had. He dreamed of someone striking his right arm and woke up feeling pain, considering it an inauspicious omen. When he told Pang Tong about it, Pang Tong dismissed it, believing that injuries and deaths in warfare were natural occurrences and continued to insist on advancing.
The third warning came from Pang Tong's steed. The old horse that had accompanied him for many years suddenly stumbled, throwing Pang Tong off. Pang Tong still did not realize the danger and simply switched horses with Liu Bei before continuing on his journey.
Pang Tong led his troops along a small road, gradually entering the enemy's ambush. Upon hearing that they had reached the "Fallen Phoenix Slope," Pang Tong exclaimed in shock, "My Daoist name is Phoenix Chick, this place is named Fallen Phoenix Slope, it is not auspicious for me." However, just as his words ended, thousands of arrows rained down on him. Because Pang Tong was riding Liu Bei's white horse, making him a clear target, he was quickly shot to death. He was only 36 years old at the time of his sacrifice, in the prime of his life, a cause for sorrow. Pang Tong's death not only cost lives but also delayed Liu Bei's campaign to conquer Western Sichuan.
9. The most cunning last words: "Establish seventy-two decoy tombs, do not let future generations know my burial place, for fear of being dug up."
"A capable minister in times of peace, a villain in times of chaos," this is a true and objective evaluation of Cao Cao. Cao Cao was a controversial figure, an outstanding statesman, military strategist, and literary figure in Chinese history. He achieved many accomplishments in domestic policy, foreign affairs, cultural construction, etc., using his talents to unify the northern regions and implementing a series of policies to restore production and social order. However, Cao Cao's character also had a dark side. He was ruthless and suspicious, straightforward yet treacherous, ostentatious yet good at showmanship, able to promote talent yet intolerant of others. Cao Cao was a smart person, fully aware of his personality traits and lifetime deeds. Knowing that he had offended many people during his lifetime, he feared retaliation after death, so he devised the idea of multiple burrows, establishing seventy-two tombs to confuse the truth, ensuring that no one could find his real resting place and prevent his grave from being desecrated.
Cao Cao was certainly clever, managing his posthumous affairs well. However, he did not make good arrangements for his descendants. Not many years after Cao Cao's death, his family's kingdom was seized by the Sima clan using similar tactics, and the hard-won fruits of several generations of the Cao family fell into others' hands.
10. The most hypocritical last words: Liu Bei's testament at White Emperor City
Liu Bei spent his entire life in warfare but had never commanded a large army. The only time he independently directed a large-scale military operation was his final battle, mobilizing the entire nation to avenge his two sworn brothers by attacking Eastern Wu. The vengeance was not achieved, and his entire army was wiped out. Although Liu Bei narrowly escaped, he returned in anger, fell ill, and soon reached the end of his life. Lying on his sickbed, for the sake of his family's dynasty, Liu Bei began his final performance in life by delivering his testament. At this point, the person he trusted the most and relied on exclusively was Zhuge Liang. To secure him, Liu Bei first gave Zhuge Liang a warning, mentioning Ma Su, implying that though he seemed incompetent, he was actually shrewd. Then, Liu Bei changed his tone, employing a "reverse psychology" tactic. He held Zhuge Liang's hand and cried, "Your talent is ten times that of Cao Pi, you will surely stabilize the country and accomplish great things. If my successor is capable, assist him; if he is not, you may take over as the ruler of Chengdu." These words startled Zhuge Liang, and he started sweating profusely. He hurriedly assured him that he would absolutely not usurp the throne but would wholeheartedly assist the young lord. At this point, Liu Bei saw that he had subdued Zhuge Liang and immediately pressed his advantage, making his son bow to Zhuge Liang, recognizing him as a godfather. Sending him out and then pulling him back, Liu Bei's covert struggle with Zhuge Liang in his final moments resulted in a complete victory. Then, Liu Bei addressed some specific matters and passed away peacefully.