When the times leap towards prosperity, many souls like mine become increasingly lonely. It is not a superficial loneliness, but rather an intersection of rationality and sobriety, a spiritual state of life, or even a living condition.
In the dead of night when all is quiet, the vast dormitory feels cold and empty. The winter night is deep, with a gentle breeze outside the window. A faint whiff of fragrance enters through the window, pushed by the wind, like a clear spring that soothes my restless heart and catches my attention. The next noon, the winter sun emits warm breaths. I follow the faint fragrance I captured last night to find it. Outside the window, on the narrow and empty passage, there are some broken branches and leaves scattered everywhere. Carefully, I pick up a branch from among the intertwined remnants of the flower tree. On the branch lies a purple flower that is already withering, barely alive. Sometimes, human life can be as fragile as this flower tree, always needing to guard against fate cutting off the vitality at its peak.
Since I saw the flower tree, I have been uneasy every day, with indescribable thoughts swirling in my mind, chaotic and unmanageable. As the night deepens, I forcibly hide my worries and lean on the table to flip through books. At this moment, a faint fragrance wafts in from outside the window. I know it is the flower tree outside struggling for its final bloom. Tonight's fragrance is much easier to catch compared to yesterday's. That elegant fragrance moves rhythmically with the wind, floating continuously in the air, refreshing the heart. If it weren't for the flower tree giving me such a prominent hint, how could this faint floral fragrance become stronger each day as the flower tree gradually withers!
After many days, the faint fragrance has left me far behind, and I no longer try hard to explore its fading breath. However, the serenity it once gave me is deeply imprinted in my mind, and whenever I think about it, my heart becomes moist.
The night always stirs up one's reverie. Tonight, the moonlight is like water, and I inexplicably think of that flower tree, feeling sentimental and uncomfortable. I don't know whether it's because of the flower tree's unfortunate destiny or my pursuit of unknown fate.
In the quiet night, the clear and graceful songs echo like water chanting in the room, and my mood gradually calms down. My colleagues are discussing other people's romantic stories nearby. Listening quietly, I always feel that unmarried daughters tend to be somewhat sharp about everything. Usually, I prefer silence, and after their enthusiastic announcements, I have long been excluded from their topics. But tonight, my attention was unintentionally drawn into their discussion. Two different kinds of music traverse the same room without interfering with each other.
Inside and outside the mundane world, due to my deliberate indifference and sobriety, I haven't been hurt too deeply, but I have gained a kind of innate weariness. There are no shortage of affairs around me related to romance. For such matters, I avoid them if possible. As long as they do not involve me, everything is fine. However, some entanglements will inexplicably linger in my heart, like the doubts I had when I found the flower tree. Regarding emotions, throughout history, as long as both parties agree, or follow the parents' wishes and the words of matchmakers, others have no right to criticize. But with the constraints of ethics and morality, some unconventional feelings inevitably contradict traditional concepts and become topics of gossip during others' tea breaks.
The fortress of love built by two lovers, once faced with the temptation of money and profit, cannot help but become like wild horses running loose, irretrievable. Sometimes I carefully investigate why love has become so humble, instantly disintegrating upon colliding with money and profit, being used as bargaining chips in transactions.
A straightforward work relationship, if guarded against unforeseen events by selling out feelings, and maintained with money as sugar-coated incentives, can it be called "the sorrow of the times, the decline of humanity"? Sometimes, I feel like I'm dreaming, that this world remains pure, but reality warns and advises me that childhood illusions are greater than now, and today's reality far exceeds your imagination.
A colleague uses the bait of "left and right embrace" to pull the string of my thoughts. Indeed, even naked realities unrelated to oneself can make one ponder deeply. Too many things make me sneer, and sometimes, some intimidating airs tell me, it's you who are abnormal. But when I breathe evenly, I still see my own bottom line and thus don't bother to argue. Many people have told me, "Age will make you tame," and the more these words appear in different forms, the more indifferent I become, but I add more persistence in my heart. Personality and dignity will not be lost with the increase of age, and one's persistence will not diminish with the passage of time. Too much "well-intentioned advice" only makes people more disdainful.
It is often said, "Choose the heavier between two benefits, choose the lighter between two harms." Everyone's principles are different. Some people may sell their personalities for money and profit, but for others, even a slight insult would make them resentful for a long time. Life in the world does not need to end in disgrace for fame and fortune, nor does it need to lose oneself for money.
As we delve deeper, our hearts become more serene. Although some relationships around us make the entire working environment unbearable, why bother to take it seriously? Due to the nature of the work, I won't temporarily lose my ability to speak, but the words I can say are getting fewer and fewer. It has been a long time since I've had a heartfelt conversation with anyone. Since Ya left, this ability seems to have disappeared. When facing hardships, friends indeed give me great strength. Although I am battered and bruised, I always feel that happiness is just within reach, and this is the most complete happiness.
Sometimes, a faint smile appears on the corner of my mouth, forming an arc, giving me a momentary warmth, and my heart also tends to calm down. Although I painfully lost a close friend and suffered a heavy blow, I regained another close friend - books. The pile of books on the bedside grows higher and higher, and I am astonished that I have unknowingly read so many books. Words are the most pleasant friends, often making me excited, guiding me to converse with them. In each conversation, my suppressed emotions are released to a certain extent, either sad or happy, all thoroughly enjoyable.
Colleagues mock me, telling me not to look so quiet, yet when arguing with others, I can silence them with a single word and am ridiculed for being harsh and unwilling to let others off easily. After hearing this, I smile lightly as if nothing is worth taking seriously. I know that everyone chooses a lifestyle suitable for themselves. My calmness and silence come from understanding something that others have not grasped, transcending the joys and sorrows of the mundane world. Therefore, I remain happy.