392714 Log Web

"Hey, Dad, school starts today. When will you transfer my tuition? I need to pay it soon!"

"Maybe in the next life!"

"Will we still be father and daughter in the next life?"

"Yeah!"

"Then you must be rich in the next life! I want a very wealthy dad in my next life!"

"Haha! Alright!"

"HAHA..."

A few days ago, I was teasing Dad over the phone, now I think paying tuition is something Dad has always done for me, I've grown so accustomed to it! I didn't realize that I am already a young adult now, no longer a student. The title of 'student' no longer belongs to me. Actually, I wasn't a good student; I was a troublemaker who gave teachers headaches. Now when I recall Mr. Qiao's disappointed gaze and Mr. Zheng's urgent calls, I feel quite apologetic. Back then, why did I cause so much worry? It seems like even now, I don't give anyone peace of mind. I still get scolded sometimes. When will I truly stop being a concern for others? It feels like I've matured, locking many fantasies deep inside my heart. I'm gradually sensing the power of tranquility, slowly learning to look at things calmly and with foresight...

Now, I can only find some semblance of happiness in Dad's jests. Many friends have lost touch, and when I occasionally remember them, it's only about past laughter and fond memories. We're all busy with our own work, not having time to consider whether our friendships have changed flavor. Conversations between us have diminished as well. "How are you doing recently?" "So-so!" Then there’s nothing more to say. It seems that friendships end this way too, when the connection runs its course. We pass by each other, experience each other, contemplate each other, and that's the whole process! Everyone has their own solitary path in life, and no one can accompany you for the entire journey. No one will walk with you until the very end.

It's been a long time since I last wrote an article. Now, when I try to write, I can barely squeeze out a few words. It's easier to draw circles instead. I often lament how fast time flies, yet at the same time, I find long nights hard to endure. I console myself saying, "Believe that life is beautiful," but it feels like there's no hope. I just keep yearning, hesitating, feeling lost... When I close my eyes, I feel like I don’t fit into this world, unable to find my own footprints, unable to find proof of my existence. I don't dare to bring up the dreams from my childhood anymore, thinking they were just dreams, mere soap bubbles that would soon burst and vanish into nothingness. There's nothing left to trust!

When a person loses faith in certain people or events, it's a terrifying thing. At such times, one might feel as if stranded in a desert, helpless, empty, lonely, and desolate. Even using all these adjectives together doesn't seem enough to describe the state fully! What kind of realm is that? Isn't it a bit scary? I often dream of walking alone in a desert, with no one ahead or behind me. Reflecting on the vastness of heaven and earth, I shed silent tears... Then I wake up crying, and after that, I can't fall back asleep for a long time... Time really is a fearsome devil. It takes away so many things, leaving nothing behind! Except for pain, all that remains are scars...