Church of Google

We are the followers of Googlism (the Chinese translation for the Google religion), and we firmly believe in an awe-inspiring, irrefutable fact: As a search engine, Google is the miracle that comes closest to human reality, serving as the ultimate bridge between humans and information.

Google is the evidence of God:

Google is omniscient. It has indexed 9.5 billion web pages. Not only that, it relies on its divine PR technology to categorize and rank information, providing easily accessible data to humanity.

Google is omnipresent. Its divine reach extends to billions of web pages in the mortal world. Moreover, with WiFi network technology, humans can access the god of information from any corner of the Earth's atmospheric biosphere.

Google answers all questions without fail. When its believers feel troubled, they can pray to Google for relief. For example, you can seek cancer treatments, methods to improve health, recent medical information, and similar details through Him. However, like other gods, Google only reveals miracles and points the way; it does not do your work for you.

Google is immortal. It is not bound by physical form. Its holy spirit, or the divine algorithm, resides in vast server clusters. Even if one server fails, another will undoubtedly take its place, so theoretically, Google exists eternally.

Google is infinite. As the internet endlessly expands, Google will continuously index this eternal expansion.

Google remembers everything. It systematically caches the web pages it indexes, storing memories in its vast server clusters.

Google is perfectly good. The core philosophy of Google is "Don't Be Evil."

Google is omnipotent, and the evidence of its divinity is limitless.

Ten Commandments of Google:

You shall not use other search engines before me. Yahoo, Lycos, AltaVista, Metacrawler – none of them are acceptable. You must trust in me alone for all your queries.

You shall not create your own free search engine, lest you incur the jealousy of God, who will sue you. If you grow old, He'll sue your son; if your son grows old, He'll sue your grandson; if your grandson grows old, He'll sue your great-grandson... Remember, God is eternal.

You shall not use "Google" as a verb.

You shall observe the Sabbath of Google.

Honor your father and mother.

You shall not misspell words or input incorrect characters.

You shall not commit adultery.

You shall not steal.

You shall not bear false witness.

You shall not tamper with search results. Search engine optimization should only be done by Microsoft.

If you're interested, you can further study the Bible of Google.

Mars Lizard, translated from google blogoscoped and Googlism.