The interesting anecdotes of those negative reviews on Taobao | Micro Records

1. Wild Hazelnuts

Negative Review [Details]: The hazelnut shells are so hard that after eating this pound, my teeth almost fell out. To increase the weight and charge more for shipping, they even stuffed a piece of broken iron in the box.

Explanation: Look closely at that piece of iron. Is there a screw in the middle? Look further down, isn't there a seam? Use force to separate it along the seam—this broken piece of iron is actually a specially made pliers for cracking hazelnut shells!

2. Item Name: Extra Gum

Negative Review [Details]: I wanted gum, but what was delivered was some white-looking thing, too sweet to eat. 04/04/2006 16:56

Explanation: That's the white chocolate I sent you! The gum is wrapped in the newspaper inside. Did you throw it in the trash? Go find it quickly.

3. Item Name: *Earrings* Bird Stud Earrings

Neutral Review [Details]: Why didn’t the good review work? Let’s try neutral.

Explanation: How can you do this? Oh well, your computer needs an upgrade (Very very frustrated).

4. Item Name: Crystal Ball

Negative Review: The ball itself is fine, but why didn't I get the base shown in the photo?

Explanation: Unjustified accusation! That's my husband's ashtray.

5. Plated White Gold Necklace *9 Yuan~

Neutral Review: My girlfriend's evaluation is "average."

Explanation: Why don't you buy her a diamond ring and see!

6. Alarm Clock / Bedside Clock / Round Cookie Clock

Negative Review [Details]: Due to frequent scams, I haven't shopped online for a long time. This time, I couldn't resist and bought this watch, only to be scammed again. What on earth are you doing? 02/13/2005 14:29

Explanation: As Ma Sanli said, "I was just fooling around with you!"

7. Item Name: Dried Plum with Pit 500g

Neutral Review [Details]: How did crispy plum turn into dried plum? It's completely different from what I ordered. 03/19/2006 20:19

Explanation: Maybe it dried out over time. It's still the same and tastes good.

8. Positive Review: The boss has great libido and ships quickly. If you want to buy, look for a seller like this! Haha.

Explanation: Sister, does it mean good credit? A small mistake can lead to a big misunderstanding!

9. Product Swarovski Crystal

Positive Review: Received the item. Very satisfied. One question: What's the disposable lighter in the packaging? Is it for me? I don't smoke. 03/10/2008 15:41

Explanation: Shh, keep it down. Someone's been looking for it since this afternoon. It'll help him quit smoking. Probably dropped it accidentally while helping with the packaging. :)

10. Positive Review: I bought a shirt for 39 yuan, but the tag says 18!!! I feel uncomfortable. I originally wanted to give a neutral review, but thinking about it, I decided not to. Doing business isn't easy. I have no other requests, just hope the seller gives a reasonable explanation~

Explanation: Please look carefully, it's $18 USD, not RMB.

11. Item Name: Custom Photo Album (Production Cycle Approximately One Week)

Negative Review [Details]: Received it after a week, "I waited until the flowers withered" - Zhang Xueyou

[Explanation]: Finished after a week, "I cried until the Great Wall collapsed" - Meng Jiangnu

12. Item Name: Urban Beauty White Windbreaker (Includes Garden Tickets)

Neutral Review [Details]: Why are the garden tickets limited to two people? If the whole family goes, we need three people, and if I go with friends, we need four people. Aren't you deliberately making it difficult for me!

[Explanation]: I'm all for your consideration. I'm worried that if three of you go, you'll play landowner battle, and if four go, you'll play mahjong. How will you enjoy the garden then?

13. Item Name: Lottery Winning Guidebook

Negative Review [Details]: Doesn't the first page of the book say, "After reading this book, you will definitely win a million!"? Why didn't I even win the tail prize?

[Explanation]: You must not have read it thoroughly. The last page says, "If you want to achieve a million-dollar dream, you must spare no effort!" Rest assured, your efforts will pay off. It's not that justice won't come, it's just not time yet!

14. Item Name: Super Cute Korean Chewing Gum / Bubble Gum

Positive Review [Details]: Boss, your ** is really amazing! So cute, my friends want it too!

[Explanation]: Sweat! Miss, we've never met, how could we do that? If the word "胶" (gum) can't be typed, please add "香" (fragrant) before it. I'm afraid others might misunderstand that I'm in that industry!

15. Item Name: Authentic American Walnuts

Neutral Review [Details]: Didn't I say YTO Express? Why did you send by STO Express instead?

[Explanation]: Ah, this works too! At the time, I thought you were reminding me not to misspell your name "Yuan Tong"!

16. Item Name: Qingzui Lozenges

Negative Review [Details]: I heard the advertisement - "Do you want to know the taste of kissing?" Curious to experience, but it's just a bit more flavorful than white sugar. Isn't this clearly deceiving?

[Explanation]: Young friend, aren't you underage? Go find your classmates if you want to kiss. What does the ad have to do with me? Now I've tasted the flavor of being unjustly given a "negative review."

17. Item Name: Nike Casual Shorts 40 Yuan Free Shipping

Negative Review [Details]: Serious quality issues. After just one week, when I accidentally farted, the crotch tore apart!

[Explanation]: Who told you not to be careful? Besides, so cheap, it can't compare to the real product. And with free shipping at 40 yuan (fact), what else can I say?

18. Item Name: Latest Korean Fashion Body-Shaping Underwear

Negative Review [Details]: Totally different from what you described. It's too big, and my husband also said I look out of proportion!

[Explanation]: Women should have their own opinions. Isn't being bigger better? Don't let men control everything!

19. Item Name: French Premium Roses

Negative Review [Details]: You lied to me, saying 5 roses represent "sincere admiration," but the girl I like said I am "two-timing!"

[Explanation]: Who asked you to insist on 3 red roses plus 2 white ones, saying "I love you" plus "a world of two," romantic enough! It ends up like Zhang Ailing's "Red Rose and White Rose." Can it not seem like "three hearts and two minds"?

20. Product: Selling Phones

Buyer: Boss, do you have chocolate?

Seller: Yes, Dove and Cadbury.

Buyer: I meant phones!!!

Seller: Oh, reminded by you, I realized I sell phones.

21. Questioning the Shopkeeper's Negative Reviews

Buyer: Shopkeeper, how come you have so many negative reviews despite having four diamonds?

Seller: Don't you think China is a country with many wrongful convictions? Where there is injustice, there will be resistance, and where there is resistance, there will be sacrifice.

22. Product: Selling Phones

Buyer: This phone is so expensive, I'd rather buy a laptop.

Seller: True, imagine you standing among a crowd, opening your laptop, sticking it to your ear to make a call. That posture must be cool.

23. Product: Selling Phones

Buyer: Is anyone selling?

Seller: Sorry, I only sell phones!

24. Product: Selling Phones

Buyer: Boss, is the call quality of this phone good?

Seller: Samsung's is generally good.

Buyer: Several phones I've already bought are no good, I can't hear clearly what others are saying.

Seller: Oh.

Buyer: What do you recommend I should buy?

Seller: Hearing aid.

25. Regarding Courier Service....

Buyer: Boss, courier doesn't reach here. Is there any way to deliver faster?

Seller: You charter a plane, then air drop.

26. Neutral Review: Phone cannot reply.

Explanation: If your phone cannot reply, it's my fault.

27. Positive Review:

Buyer: The item is extremely extremely beautiful! The seller is extremely extremely stupid!

Explanation: 5555555～～～～～ How can you say such things about me? Sad sigh...

28. Positive Review:

Buyer: Brother, you packed it so solidly! Made me spend half a day unpacking!

Explanation: Hey, if I didn't pack it tightly, how could I face my sister? Otherwise, you would say I'm stingy with packing tape, haha!

29. Positive Review:

Buyer: Spent 4 yuan buying DD registered mail, but the seller paid an additional 5 yuan to send it via express, and personally made a long-distance call to inquire. What kind of spirit is this? Communist spirit, right?

Explanation: Uh... I simply didn't have time to go to the post office... sweat...

30. Item Name: Oshad - 30g Pearl Moisturizing Eye Cream

Negative Review [Details]: How to return goods?

Explanation: Unjustified! After placing the order, payment hasn't been made, and I haven't shipped it yet. What are you talking about returning goods?

31. Buyer: Sorry, JJ, something came up and it dragged until now to make the payment, delayed your egg-laying!

Seller: No problem, ah~~~ laying eggs, I don't have that function.

Buyer: Ha ha, sorry, mistyped as placing an order!

Seller: Extremely dizzy, I said I don't have that function!

32. Should be asking if the boss has a physical store

MM A: Boss, do you have a corpse shop?

Little Grass: Sorry, Taobao doesn't allow selling those.

33. Buyer MM: Is the shopkeeper here?

Seller: Here, dear!~

Buyer MM: Can you recommend suitable skincare products for me?

Seller: Sure, what type of skin do you have, dear?

Buyer MM: I have mixed dry skin, a泼妇(pinyin input method, haha).

Seller: Sweating profusely...

34. Buyer: Hurry up and remarry (change price), alright? I can't wait.

Seller MM: ==

Buyer: Hurry up, if you remarry, I'll make the payment.

Seller MM: Stop dreaming! Ask my husband first!

35. Buyer: How is the sexual ability?

Seller: ???? Is it relevant?

Buyer: Sorry, pressed an extra 'power' key. How is the product performance?

Seller: Uh... sweat...

36. Buyer: I want to buy and have you help me bear a son.

Seller: Eh, what?

Buyer: Oh, didn't explain clearly. Want to buy your jade pendant - Buddha, hoping it blesses me to have a son.

Seller: Haha. Sweat...

37. Buyer: Hello, I want to buy shoes from your store.

Me: Hello, choose the one you like and place the order.

Buyer: Can I use Q Coins to buy your shoes?

Me: No, not allowed.

Buyer: Then I'll directly recharge your mobile according to the price of the product.

Me: Fainted...

38. Buyer: Shopkeeper, do you have other styles of shoes?

Seller: Yes, here's the album address, you can check there, many haven't been listed yet...

Buyer: Shopkeeper, your shoes are very pretty. Why is there a baby in the product picture?

Seller: Oh, that's my son, not for sale!

Buyer (sweating profusely): Right! You can't sell your own son anyway!!

39. Buyer: How many idle grandmothers do you have?

Seller: /?????

Buyer: Sorry, pressed enter by accident, meant milk powder.

Seller: Scared me, only one can of milk powder left.

Buyer: Can you give a discount on that can of grandma? I'll buy it.

Seller: I don't sell grandmas, only milk powder!

40. Item Name: Hemorrhoid Suppository

[Negative Review]: By the time the goods arrived, my hemorrhoids had already healed!

Seller Explanation: Such good efficacy, heard you bought my medicine, the hemorrhoids were scared away.

41. 1.3 Million Pixel Video Camera

Review: Shipping is shipping, why leave a message "Shall have which"? I want to fight against Japan!

Explanation: Save me!

42. Daily Sale Bras (New Arrival)

Seller: How old are you?

Buyer: 80N

Seller: /:O Wow... so impressive, seems there's no N size bra.

Buyer: Dizzy! I meant I was born in 1980.

43. Seller: Historical books say Emperor Huang太极 died suddenly, but folklore generally believes he was assassinated.

Buyer: Oh, where did he run off to?

Seller: Waiting for your opinion, dear:）

Buyer: No opinion! It wasn't me who did it!

44. Seller: To show my sincerity, I'll cover the shipping cost for you.

Buyer: You're covering the shipping cost for me?

Seller: Yes.

Buyer: Covering the shipping cost for you, to me?

45. Buyer: For this bowl, besides height and diameter, do you have other dimensions? Thickness? Bottom width? Bottom edge height? Inclination angle of the wall?

Seller: ...Sorry, not that precise.

Buyer: Customer is God, if you don't even know the dimensions, what business are you in?

Seller: ...God, please tell me what the angle of my bowl is.

46. Buyer: Hello sister, I want to buy aloe vera juice, can you introduce it to me? Thank you, sister.

Seller: Sure~ Good girl~~ What's your skin type? How old are you this year?

Buyer: I'm over forty, almost fifty... My skin is so dry... Sister, do you have any good recommendations?

Seller: ...Sorry for the disrespect... I'm the younger sister, I'm 23 years old.